Video; 1-800-MURDERS

[ragnarsson]

[The video starts off with some cheesy infomercial music, the kind usually found on a device that will cut your hair better or replace all your kitchen devices with one. The narrator, one Jamie Dodger, accompanies a series of drawings.]

Has this ever happened to you?

[A piece of paper is held in front of the camera, showing a crude drawing of someone being violently stabbed to death. Or maybe it's a plate of spaghetti; regardless of which of them drew it, the truth is that their art skills are crap.]

Well, with the help of this eight-step training process, it won't have to. [Dodger's voice lacks every ounce of enthusiasm these infomercials are known for, which is probably why his own video back in the day had been text-only.] Just follow your instructor's guidance and one day you could look like this.

[And again, this drawing is either... someone standing over a pile of corpses, or maybe just a sack of potatoes and some of them have faces? Who knows.]

Time to meet your instructor - Phil Swift himself.

[The video pans over to Ivar, who has the usual somewhat grumpy expression on his face. It’s clear he doesn’t really get this whole idea, but he’s been talked into it. He’ll humor everyone...for now.]

Say something.

Like what?

Sell the product. [Dodger turns the music off with a frustrated huff.] We're not shooting another take.

Fine. [Ivar gives the camera only the most dramatic of all eyerolls.] You all are idiots. I don't care if you have powers, powers don't stop a knife stabbed in your throat. I will teach you to stab people before they stab you. [He looks off to the side of the camera.] Was that good?

...Sure.

[There's an awkward pause here as the boys stare each other down with silent and mutual distaste, before Dodger switches the music back on and resumes his narration.]]

With our teachings you'll be able to stab unaware enemies - [Ivar slices his axe across a dummy's back that they had set up] - slice moving targets - [Dodger throws a pillow from off-screen, and Ivar catches it with his axe and slams it down into the floor] - and even counter fireballs, all from the comfort of your broken leg throne.

[There's another long moment of silence, as Ivar slowly looks up with a cold fire in his eyes.]

And now, ladies and gentleman, for the finale, you get to see a live demonstration. [He yanks his axe back out and there’s a psychotic grin on his face.] Start running, Dodger.

[The video concludes with the device that music is coming from knocking over and warping the sound of the tune with an eerie lilt, and cuts out with a flash of sparks and a loud pop as Dodger dodges an incoming throwing axe.]

[OOC: Know that there will be a lot of threadjacking going on in this post. Dodger and he are horrible human beings.]

Comments

[ragnarsson]

Probably not against me.

[Ivar just sort of assumes he'll get into a fight with everyone eventually.]

Against a friend? ...Maybe

[This is as close as he'll get to admitting he and Rey are friends.]

[talentedscavenger]

No guarantee on that. [ Because of that fight is intentional, it could cause a lot of problems.

...good to know they sort of agree that they are friends. ]

Training someone to kill for the sake of it will cause so many problems. Do you really want someone to injure themselves or kill someone else?

[ragnarsson]

What I want is for people to be able to defend themselves. Sure, everything is fine right now, but that could change in an instant. If the monsters override the fence and invade the city, I'd prefer for people to be able to fight back as opposed to being eaten because they don't know how.

[See, Rey? His intentions aren't totally horrible.]

[talentedscavenger]

You could’ve just said that instead of...whatever you filmed.

[ While that is good to know, he still needs to work on his delivery. ]

[ragnarsson]

In case you haven't realized, unless I'm getting men ready to charge into battle, I'm not the best at explaining myself.

[One of the reasons he'd enlisted Dodger's help to begin with.]

[talentedscavenger]

[ Sighs. ]

No, I didn’t have a single clue. [ Sarcasm, so much Sarcasm.]

Did you really break your leg? [ Just switch topics and see if he needs help. ]

[ragnarsson]

Well, now you do.

[He sees that sarcasm, missy, and will blithely ignore it.]

No. Not recently, anyhow. Dodger just likes to taunt the fact I'm a cripple any way he can.

[talentedscavenger]

[ Could he hear her rolling her eyes. Yes, that’s exactly what he did. ]

Surprised you agreed to make that video if all he does is taunt you.

[ And he didn’t punch him yet—-or again, depending on if Ivar has done so already. ]

But now you’ll be charging for lessons? [ Shane really, she learned a lot from him after one lesson. ]

[ragnarsson]

He's made a video like this before. It seemed like a good idea at the time.

[Plus, Dodger was drunk most of the time. Ivar had thought he'd be easy to control.]

For you, I'll give you a discount. You were my first student. It helped me realize I could do this with other people.

[talentedscavenger]

Uh-huh, well if you wanted attention for what you could do, you certainly have it. [ Thiugh she could’ve done without the drawings.

There’s almost a chuckle in her voice. Could she keep going with his lessons? Well, thus far she was improving a little. Better she learn something rather than wasting time wondering. ]

Good to know I was helpful with that. In that case, when do you want to train again? We could discuss payment first and then attempt to hit each other’s afterwards.

[ragnarsson]

That's the whole idea. If I get people's attention, I might get a few interested. Which I have already.

[So it had done what Ivar was intending to do, even if the execution was a little off.]

How about tomorrow? I'll give you half-off since I'm a generous person like that.

[Also because he likes Rey, but shush. No one needs to know that.]

[talentedscavenger]

Oh? Like who? [ She’s curious, but if he doesn’t want to disclose names, that was fine. ]

Tomorrow should work. I’m not expected anywhere and I was going to head to the library.

[ Someone has to figure out if there’s a book on the Jedi. Or something akin to learning about the Force. ]

But, yes, generous...uh-huh. [ Teasing and not believing that for a moment. Friends can tease each other...no harm in that. ]

[ragnarsson]

Osomatsu and a new arrival named Chase. I also met someone at the swap meet named Caleb who also seems interested.

[He shall corrupt everyone with his violent Viking ways...or something like that.]

Of course I am. Generous, honest, and loyal. My list of better qualities.

[Well, two out of three ain't bad.]

[talentedscavenger]

Four students then. You might need to have a better area for training though, if you’re going to expand. Unless the Guard is okay with others using the equipment. Or they become part of the Perimeter Giard.

[ Look at the two of them getting along and not in violent Viking ways. ]

I think there’s more to that list—like patience.

[ So not flirting. Yup. ]

[ragnarsson]

I'm sure I can switch to one of the training centers. There was one right by the communal living I used to use when I first got here.

[He tries and fails to not preen at Rey's words.]

I don't know about all that. I only got that way because I learned it over time. You'd be patient too if you spent your entire life unable to move and keep up with everyone else.

[talentedscavenger]

Tou don’t live in the Communal Housing anymore? I thought mostly everyone lived there.

[ Oh, she could hear him preening. A bit of not!flirting goes a long way. ]

I don’t know about that. You could also gain patience by waiting for someone to return and doing what you can until they come back. [ What? She’s being personal? Yes, she’s opening up a little. ]

[ragnarsson]

I lived there for six months. But with Winter born, I thought it might be better to find somewhere a little more private in case she got troublesome. [Not that she ever was. Winter was a quiet and rarely fretful baby.] I live at a mansion with Marco, Lola, and Nico now.

[Basically, the home for dysfunctional teenagers. Rey would fit right in.

Ivar thinks for a moment as Rey tells him that.]

How long did you end up waiting for, anyway?

[talentedscavenger]

A mansion? All of you?

[ That’s a little hard for her to wrap her head around, considering how much money that would cost for rent or even the upkeep. She could understand why, for Ivar, it would be worth it. A bigger space for Winter. ]

I lost count of the days. I was there from a child until recently. [ So years, all of her childhood. ]

[ragnarsson]

Yes. Apparently, it came through the portal from Marco's home. He hasn't told me outright, but I think he was rich or a lord or something back there.

[Ivar's ideas of how being rich worked all stemmed from a feudal system society.

His blue eyes go a little soft. He understands all too well.]

That's...sad. [He has to verbalize his feelings if only because Ivar's so rarely aware of them.] I waited years for my father to come back. We never knew if he was alive or dead until he just showed up one day.

[talentedscavenger]

Possibly, if he has enough to have a home that's big enough to fit everyone comfortably.

[He must be well off at least, but she doesn't know what exactly would count as rich in her mind. Possibly someone who had enough to eat, enough to protect their home...or at least enough to have enough to have such a big home.

Well...that's a first. No one has outright said her life was sad. She wasn't counting Kylo Ren. That was different.]

It is what it is. [She sounds so complacent about it. As harsh of an environment she lived in, she couldn't let it get to her. She couldn't risk getting into such a hopeless or sad state if she wanted to keep on living. The times where she did feel lonely, yearning for her family to come back was when she was alone, crying herself to sleep.]

I continued to hope my family would be back, but they never returned...so I left. [That's the very short version of what happened, but she wasn't going back to Jakku any time soon.]

[ragnarsson]

[Ivar can't help but feel sympathy for her. Sure, his life had been hard, but he hadn't been left to survive all on his own as a child. If he had, he likely would have been dead. There'd been his mother, his brothers, and Floki around to make sure he'd grown up without having too much of the world placed on his shoulders at such a young age.]

Do you think you'll ever see them again?

[It seemed like such a lackluster ending to her story, just leaving the place that had been her home after accepting the fact they didn't come back.]

[talentedscavenger]

I don't think so.

[Her voice is soft then, having come to terms with that fact after so many years of denying it. She doesn't remember much of them, the feelings she had for them, maybe their voices...but it's hard to imagine what they looked like.]

I do miss them, but they're gone. I know that.

[ragnarsson]

That is very sad.

[Again, he has to put into words how he feels, or it doesn't quite register as being real to him. He wonders how badly it would have hurt if Ragnar had never come back home. Would it have been better or worse?]

But there is the family you come from by blood and the family you make. Perhaps you can find some of the second here.

[talentedscavenger]

[There's a soft hum of acknowledgment. Yes, it was sad, but she didn't want to dwell on it. She didn't want pity from him. If he thought lesser of her because of her circumstances, then that was his issue and not hers. Rey is a survivor. She lived on Jakku for so many years and didn't become a selfish, cold hearted scavenger who only looked out for herself.]

I found something close to that, back on my world. But, I'm not looking to make a family. If--no, when I find a way out, it'll make it harder to leave. [She wouldn't put someone through what she went through...

But, ha it's too late. She' smade a family here out of the friends she's made--Ivar included.]

[ragnarsson]

If you ever do leave, be sure to say goodbye.

[That's it, just plain words without any sarcasm or anger behind them. Ivar has lost too many people both in his home world and here in Riverview to ever be alright with losing another. He cares about Rey, much as it galls him, and he'd at least like to be able to have some closure if she someday she does leave him.]