riverview | @eddie; text

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@eddie; text

[The post is in text, because he can't imagine trying to discuss this with words or, even less, video. He's not really prepared for that. But he needs to ask.]

I know this is kind of a sensitive topic, but hopefully it's not too much to ask.

Did anyone else here die right before they arrived?

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Not right before. It isn't the last thing I remember, I mean. But I have and I remember it. It isn't pleasant. I'm guessing that's not something you've seen before?

[ Because people coming back from the dead in Beacon Hills is kind of old hat, really, so it's nothing Derek hadn't already experienced before his own evolution and rebirth, so to speak, but not everyone lives in an actual hell like he does, so... ]

This seems to be a pretty common theme. People dying, but way before they got here. Starting to wonder if my world is the only one where people stay dead.

If so, damn, did I ever get the short end of the stick.

It probably isn't. My world is...questionable.

Be careful what you wish for though, man. A second chance in a new place is better than some people probably get. I'm lucky, but I doubt I'm in great company as far as that goes.

Questionable?

I know it is. Better than most people get, I mean. It's not that I'm not grateful, I guess I'm just missing things from home already. And I'm definitely not going to be taking the trip back.

There's stuff going on in my world that most people can't even imagine in their nightmares. It's just everyday life for me and always has been.

That, though, I can understand. I can't really identify; I don't miss home. But I understand it, in any case. People, I'm guessing, more than anything else?

The crazy things in my world are just starting to get some publicity, most people know about them now.

Mostly, yeah. My parents. My partner at work. My fiancée. Ex-fiancée, I guess. I don't know. But I miss my job, too, you know?

In my world, the humans are still pretty blissfully ignorant to what's going on in their own backyards. In some cases, it's probably better that way. In others, not so much. It's got to be a weird shift to be suddenly made aware of that sort of thing, though. I can't imagine trying to wrap my head around some of the stuff I've seen if I had been backhanded with the information rather than grown up being taught to expect it and protect people from it.

Yeah, that makes sense. I'm sorry to hear about the fiancee especially.

[ Largely because if this guy had a woman who really loved him and wanted to spend her life with him, being robbed of that opportunity really sucks. That's, in its own way, worse than Derek's own resignation that he'll never have that thing to begin with. ]

I've never had a job. Not...I mean, a conventional one that comes with a paycheck, anyway. So I can't really identify with that so much, but I think it's safe to say I get the concept of missing your life. You miss what you built for yourself. That's normal, man. I'm sorry you're suffering that, but at least it's not weird or anything. I think most people in your position would feel that way.

That was me until a few months ago. I mean, I knew crazy things were happening, but I didn't know what. I agree about it sometimes being better that way, though. It was a lot easier to adjust to than you might think, mostly because it was a bunch of scientific stuff. I didn't understand it, not totally because I'm not a super-genius, but it made sense, you know?

At least until they started talking about time travel.

Thanks. I like to think it's normal and doesn't speak poorly of me. You know? I guess I sort of died on my own terms, and it's like missing my life invalidates that somehow.

[The moment he sends it, he kind of regrets it. It's a little too vulnerable. But he doesn't take it back.]

It's funny, almost, that you say it was easier to adjust because it was science stuff. Because, for me, that would make it harder, I feel like. I'm used to accepting the supernatural but science eludes me. I don't understand it and it never interested me enough to try, so pinning a cause to it would make it too hard for me to wrap my head around. But I get where you're coming from, though.

...time travel? That's a thing?

[ Derek's heard of a lot — a lot — of crazy stuff, up to and including magic that can regress a person from adulthood to adolescence, which unfortunately, he had to experience first hand — but time travel? ]

I don't think it invalidates anything to have a natural response to an unnatural event. When people die, they're supposed to be gone. Life isn't an option anymore. But you? You're right here. I think it would be weirder if you didn't miss your life, assuming you liked the life you lead back home, which it sounds like you did.

I think I'm just used to logic, science, and all that. I don't know much about it, but I wasn't raised to believe much in magic or the occult. My family was sort of religious, but only the church at Christmas type, you know? Nothing that made me believe in any kind of spiritual stuff.

So I guess when I see something I don't understand, my brain goes to science first.

And yeah. I wish it didn't, but it does.

Thanks for that. I guess I just don't know how to grieve myself. Does that seem right? I don't even know if I should.

Most people are; I'm not judging you for that or anything. But yeah, if you're raised thinking that magic and the supernatural are things you can choose whether or not to believe in, then it makes sense that your brain would go to logic and science by reflex. We were just brought up differently so our reflexive responses are on opposite ends of the spectrum.

[ Plus, it's kind of hard for Derek to really fathom having the luxury of choosing to believe in the supernatural or not considering he is supernatural. He imagines Eddie feels the same, only in the opposite way. ]

Yeah, I think it seems right. I didn't grieve my death so much as I grieved the loss of who I used to be, where I was before this. I didn't have time between dying and being reborn to grieve, but I think you kind of need to just give yourself a little while to miss the parts of you that aren't part of you anymore. If you just try to ignore those pangs and you never let yourself feel them, they're never going to go away.

[ And if anybody knows about ignoring feelings and the way they relentlessly stick with a person over time, it's Derek. ]

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