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[ Good whatever-fucking-time-it-is-now Riverview! You are being graced with the not-so-rare sight of one Tony Stark after spending too much time in the perimeter defence office throwing himself into work and, if you are to go by the state of his hair and the few smudges of grease on his face, perhaps throwing himself into some of the machinery that can be seen strewn about the place. (It really doesn't look any better from the last time you saw it, Riverview, still a chaotic mess).

With a twitch of his mouth, Tony settles his chin on his folded hands and peers into the feed, eyebrow cocked in a way that made him look equal parts insane and amused.]

So, I have been digging into some random things that I have been able to get my hands on as of late and, overall I have to say I am very impressed with the tech in this place. I mean, sure interdimensional portal and all that, but have you seen some of their basic routeing systems? Well, beyond the shitty ones that like to die and not work and--

[ Shit, wait. There was a reason he was doing this, right.

Tony blinks a few times, shakes his head, and continues.]

Point is, there is a lot I can dig into, lots of things that I can make, but only if I have the parts. So, here's the deal; whoever can bring me scraps of machines and computers, tech that seems mostly useless, please do. In return, I will be more than willing to work with, well, anyone that wants something that is a little harder to come by here.

[ Pushing back, Tony leans back in the chair he is sitting in and runs his hands through his hair.]

While I did say I was out of the weapons manufacturing back home, I can make exceptions here, so if there is something you want in particular, let me know. Within reason, of course.

[ There is a flash of a grin as he leans back in, a quick wink, before the feed cuts out. ]

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[ Tony hasn't been out of this rodeo long enough to forget what that look means. and while he appreciates the lack of judgement, he doesn't know how he feels about this hesitancy that seems to have Steve. and he knows that it is his own fault, knows that he is the one to push them to this point with the things that he has done, and not done, in the past, but fuck he just--]

I will try to keep more of it in the office. At least the more defensive things. Don't want that lying about just anywhere.

[ what would it matter if Tony was really okay? he hasn't been really okay in a long time, being just a little off kilter has been the norm for him for a while. and just when he thinks that he has his balance, the world throws something else at him; he is just glad that this time it wasn't in the form of a dead friend.]

Well, her and Mary Jane have been doing pretty well, I haven't been able to spend as much time since the whole Inhuman thing. I mean, not that-- [ he has much of a company right now thanks to them destroying his tower and-- whatever, not Steve's problem.

Tony blinks a few times, dredges up a mock offended look at the words. ]

Why, Steve, are you breaking up with me?

[ deflect. ]

[Steve nods, accepting that solution for what it is. Tony is always working on projects, and he's not actually opposed to that in general, as long as he doesn't get himself in over his head. After their talk, Steve is paying a bit more attention to Tony's general mental health, and there is some doubt, but he trusts the man enough to let him make his own choices.

He doesn't know what Tony is referring to when he mentions Mary Jane or the Inhumans, and Steve quirks a brow, but he doesn't ask. That is a talk for another time, perhaps. A mark of how they are coming from different places. But that's why he's talking to him now, isn't it?]

Sam mentioned he was concerned about you after the group dinner. He was pretty adamant. I figured we should probably talk.

[ it is probably better for them if Steve doesn't know about that, about the disasters that await him in the future. maybe that means there is more of a chance for him and Tony to be a little less broken than they were at the point of time where Tony was from. it is-- well he certainly missed having Steve around that was for sure.

still, Steve telling him that they 'had to talk' doesn't bode all that well, no matter what.

Tony sighs and leans on the table, head in his hands. when Steve mentions Sam, he snorts.]

Why was he concerned? I mean, the man cares more than anyone else I have ever met honestly, it's nice, but what does that have to do with you and me?

[ The way Tony leans on the table miserably and snorts at his words makes Steve frown. He almost says something about that. He almost says that Tony is clearly in bad shape and that obviously they need to talk, but he bites his tongue. This is no way to approach his friend.

Just answer the question. ]

He saw us when we were at the dinner. Apparently he got concerned and mentioned to me that maybe I wasn't taking as much care with things as I should have been. And he probably has a point. I've kept to myself since we've been here at let your business be your business, but that doesn't change anything.

Maybe we should try talking.

[ oh don't give him that frowny face, he is fine. well, as fine as he gets these days at least. he is functioning, he isn't drinking despite the urge, and he is doing his goddamned best to make himself useful in this place, what else are you after here, Steve?

Tony does look up at that though, that Sam would go and talk to Steve about how he seemed off at dinner. and honestly, Tony cannot be blamed for the choke of laughter that spills from his mouth. really.]

And so Sam believes you to be my keeper? Interesting. You have your reasons too Steve, I am not going to force my issues on you just because I--

[ miss you. but Tony swallows that back. doesn't let it excuse his behaviour because he does miss Steve, misses being able to rely on Steve as much as he used to but he isn't sure that is a thing he can have here. ]

We can talk, as long as we don't start a debate about ethics and morals, I have learned that lesson.

Don't, Tony.

[ Steve can see that last remark leading straight to their past. It's a deflection of sorts. It's a way for Tony to throw Steve off by bringing up bad memories. He doesn't think Tony is fine. In fact, he's pretty sure Tony isn't fine after the things he's seen in the short time that they've been in Quarantine. Steve knows Tony better than that, even if they've had their falling out and stopped working together. Tony Stark is still his friend. On some level, even distantly, he feels that truth. ]

Believe me, I already said the same things to Sam. Told him that he should talk to you directly if he was worried. Said some other things too that he didn't like so much.

[ Steve sighs deeply as he continues, the strain showing on his face. ]

But that doesn't mean he was all wrong. I didn't talk to you. Maybe I've been putting that off. If I hadn't, you could have come to me before.

[ Tony just holds his hands up, flat look on his face. it wasn't a topic of conversation that he wanted to get into either, honestly. he was hoping that, maybe, they might be able to build something like a friendship back up in this place. maybe, because-- yeah, Tony missed Steve. a lot. and after all the shit that has gone down, and the ashes of so many bridges that was scattered between them, Tony still wants Steve there.

he also really doesn't want to have to deal with all the bullshit that has been happening, at the slow slide that he feels himself making, from having thing under control to just-- not.

it's so much easier to smile, however sharply, and build shit someone might find useful.]

It's not your job to talk to me, Steve. [ he means for the words to be calming, and he almost manages it. almost. they sound a bit too tired, almost hollow, to really make it.] And there's nothing to worry about, I slipped up, curiosity killed the cat and all that. Nothing to worry about now, won't happen again. You have your own shit to deal with, I am sure.

Whose job is it?

[ Despite the way Tony raises his hands and says he's okay; that it won't happen again (of course Tony would know the words Steve wants to hear), Steve feels a pang of tightness in his chest. It feels an awful lot like dismissal, even though he knows Tony is just avoiding the problem. Steve can't stand being dismissed. Especially when the person shrugging him off is supposedly his friend. Of course he holds his ground. ]

Someone should talk to you, Tony. We can't have you locking yourself in a room pretending that none of this exists. What you deal with has an effect on your friends, and we wouldn't be very good ones if we didn't say something.

[ He pushes because he always pushes. It's usually people like Tony himself telling Steve that he doesn't have to push, but without that input, Steve would run all the way to the end of his proverbial lead until he choked. ]

Talk to me.

No one's, last I checked. Unless my therapist and AA group has randomly been transported here with me?

[ bitterness? whatever are you talking about there, Steve. there is no bitterness here. you are imagining things, pay no attention to the man behind the curtain and all that.

and yet-- Tony knows that, even though he is trying to placate Steve, he is really only going to make this shit worse. it's like he is looking for a fight (no he isn't, he is looking to see how much Steve cares, how much anyone cares, but he won't say as much), or at least looking to carve out a quiet spot in this place for him to dig in his heels and make himself useful in some sense.

he loathes to admit it, but the way Steve says 'friends' like there are many of them, like people care, has Tony stumbling just a little bit.

there is a pause, a heartbeat, then two, before:]

Really though, Steve. I am-- I will be fine. [ it's a concession of sorts, he isn't fine right now, but he can pull himself together. he thinks. ] Just... took me longer to find my footing here or something.

[ Steve definitely picks up on that bitterness. His expression hardens at the sarcasm, blue eyes turning into chips of flint as he receives Tony's answer. It's no one's job, but clearly no one is keeping Tony from self-destructing. Not even Tony.

He doesn't say anything, he doesn't interrupt or jump in, which in itself might be a danger sign, because that means Steve is weighing Tony's reaction, watching his expression and listening to his words. He's marking him like he prepares for a fight, with weapons at the ready for the moment that Tony throws out his challenge. In the pause before the answer, Steve remains frozen. And then Tony offers some placating words, and that softens his expression just a little.]

You can talk to me, Tony. I'd rather you talk to me than deal with this on your own if it's difficult. That's what we're here for. I'm not saying you shouldn't do whatever work you think will help, but if making exceptions means you're in trouble, then just tell me.

[ the noise that slips out from between Tony's lips at that is half scoff and half laughter. not that he doesn't believe Steve, that he would be there if Tony just asked him because Tony knows that he would be, it's just-- fuck, when was the last time he had Steve offering to truly be there for him?

Tony scrubs his hands through his hair before resting his elbows on the desk, taking a moment to look everywhere but the screen.

he wants this, he does, but at the same time--

he isn't sure he deserves it.]

I'm not in trouble, Steve. I just-- [ another noise caught between his teeth as he looks up. ] Just been a while since anyone has cared enough to call me on my bullshit, alright? Consider me out of practice.

[ Steve doesn't respond very well to the sound of not-quite-laughter Tony keeps fighting back. The way the man scoffs has the blond's hackles up, pushing back against what sounds like derision from a man that he still wants to view as his friend. His expressions sets into a hard line of disapproval. ]

You're kidding right? You're going to tell me that you think your friends don't care about you? That you think running off on your own is better than talking to the Avengers? You were the one that got everyone together in the first place. I thought you had more respect for your team than that.

[ if there is one thing that Tony just cannot deal with right now, it is a patented Steve Rogers Lecture. before he can think better of it, Tony is rolling his eyes at the words and settling back in his chair. he is well aware that Steve means well, that he is telling some truth there about Tony needed to trust his team, but--

but what?]

Yeah my friends are a little busy right now with problems that are a little bigger than me battling old demons here, Steve. Maybe not here, here, but there has been other shit that takes precedence. And 'my team' doesn't need another thing to worry about.

[ like, you know, trying to save the future. making sure you don't die again. making sure no one else die again for that matter, no matter how much of a fool's errand it was. ]

You want to talk? Fine, we can talk, hell I would love to talk like we used to Steve. I am just not going to talk to you because you think it's part of your goddamned duty to talk me off an invisible ledge.

[ And of course all Tony's response does is encourage the lecture he doesn't want to get. The way he says that his friends are too busy only gets Steve to straighten up more on his end of the device, eyes widening with what is definite offense. ]

Then you shouldn't act like you're looking for an excuse to jump off of one!

[ They don't even need the network at this point, but it's too late. ]

You didn't call until you were already in trouble, and by the looks of things, you'd been at it for some time before you even bothered to get someone to find you. Your team would be there for you if you asked them, but you didn't. And don't tell me what they don't need! That's just an excuse. The truth is you just didn't want to ask. This isn't about me, Tony, it's about you. You could have called. You can always call.

But you can't pretend that this is okay.

That isn't the fucking point! I am not sitting on some ledge, so stop acting like you need to save me from myself!

[ forget that he probably does need to be saved from himself in some sense. he just-- can't deal with knowing there is shit potentially going on back home that he can't help with, that he is stuck here with so little to anchor him and so few variables to help him understand, and fuck-- even that Steve is here from a time where he seems like he might actually forgive Tony (forget that he doesn't know everything that there are gaps in both their memories).

for the first time since arriving here, Tony is furious and of fucking course, it is Steve that brings that out in him.]

What team, Steve? What fucking team do you keep talking about? Because I don't know if you have noticed, there isn't one! Stephen is still reeling from some magical fucking apocalypse no one could help him with, you can barely stand to be in my presence if you aren't looking at me in disappointment, not to mention you're clearly still struggling with your own shit, Bucky has twice as much shit as me or you to deal with, and there is no one else. Banner is dead thanks to Barton, Rhodes is dead, and if Danvers ever showed up she would want me dead, and the Avengers are fucking divided. Again. So no, I don't see who I could call, unless there is a 1-800 number for people who pretend to give a shit.

[ when Tony stops, he realizes that he was nearly yelling, fists clenched and jaw tight. he forces himself to breathe, sharp and shallow, pinching the bridge of his nose. this anger isn't for Steve, and Tony knows it. it's for himself, for the situation, everyone but Steve really.

Tony exhales, shakes a little before staring back at the feed. ]

None of this is 'okay', everything is far from okay, but I am fucking trying to be useful here and to help these people as best I can. Sorry if I am not quite doing that to your standards. [ he winces at that, the words and tone gone before he really can help himself. ] Not-- fuck it. I'm not having this conversation on a fucking network.

[ At first, he doesn't say anything. Someone that doesn't know Steve Rogers might assume that his silence is a result of shock or defeat. An admission of guilt, perhaps, with everything Tony has thrown at him. Especially when a lot of it is accurate enough. But the truth is, the rest of what Tony hurls his way is new information that he was denied by Tony's silence. The weight his friend is carrying is a weight he declined the offer to share. Steve speaks through clenched jaws when he finds his voice. ]

When exactly were you going to tell me this? If Carol did show up, so I could find out after she tried to kill you? The only one keeping you alone is you. Don't use what happened to me as an excuse to shoot me down. I'll handle myself.

If you want to talk, you can find me. But it sounds like you've already made up your mind.

[ He pauses, staring straight into Tony's eyes, before he disconnects. ]

[ it takes Tony the better part of two days to get himself together after Steve hung up on him. he didn't leave the workshop except to shower and grab new clothes, then buries himself in wires and metal once more. he burns away the residual anger and the irrational anger (and maybe burns his fingers a few times too, but that isn't new).

eventually, he knows he has to seek Steve out.

as much as he hates it, Steve is right; he is only alone because he has made sure to keep himself alone. and sure, he has his reasons for doing it, was unsteady and unsure about his footing here with friends that were from times that were gone, but-- well, Steve was still Steve, no matter what.

so Tony drags himself from the depths of the chaos, actually sleeps so that he doesn't snap when pushed (because god knows, Steve will push him, he always does) and seeks the blond out with two coffees in hand.

he is unsurprised to find Steve on the roof, eyes cast outwards. ]

You know, if you're trying to keep me from metaphorical ledges, maybe hiding on the roof isn't your best plan.

[ yes, great start there, Tony. wonderful.

he sighs and moves out to Steve, holding out the coffee like the peace offering it was. ]

[ Steve doesn't seek Tony out and he keeps to himself. Even in the housing building, if they pass each other, he doesn't acknowledge him. There's just no point when Tony refuses to listen. He's handling things on his own, apparently, and Steve isn't going to chase him down.

He's learned that if Tony decides he's going to be alone, there's nothing many other people can do to change his mind. And he's no longer in a position to comment anyway. He has to keep reminding himself that. He's not part of Tony's team. So for those two days he works and runs and pretends to keep his eyes closed. When Tony finds him on the roof, he's not surprised that the first comment he makes is a jab. Steve takes a step toward the edge as if he's considering stepping up on the ledge and leaping off to the next building. It would be easy for him. But that's a little too much like running. He turns to face Tony with his arms crossed, giving him a hard stare. ]

I'm not the one hiding. What do you want?

Yeah that--

[ Tony sighs, pulls his hand with the coffee back in and takes a moment to orient himself. what does he want? he wants to build bridges, not fucking walls or armour and he was going to fucking try to do as much. he has gone through not having Steve around, and has gone through not having Steve really close and, well, they were all his own fault. he wasn't going to let one more fuck up keep him from having his friend back.

not that Tony expects it to be easy, hell, he doesn't even know if Steve will forgive him a little bit, but Steve wasn't the only one that could be a stubborn shit. while Tony was slightly more likely to cave than the blond, this was a sticking point for him; accountability and friendship. Tony could admit when he fucked up (which was more often than he would like) and he also knew that Steve's presence as a friend and not just an ally was something he wanted.

so after a moment of watching Steve, too close to the edge, Tony looks him straight in the eye when he speaks.]

I want to apologize. We should talk, I've been avoiding it, thought too much about getting settled here and forgot about how shit could affect others I care about. [ there is a pointed look at that before he holds out the coffee again.] I get it if you don't want to, hell I probably don't deserve it, but I would be grateful for that chance if you are willing to give it to me.

[ it's more honest and true than Tony has been in a while, months really. he hasn't slowed down, stopped and thought about rippling effects or people in a while. he vows to give that chance to Steve though.]

[ There's a part of Steve that is still irritated by the way Tony reacted the last time they spoke. His refusal to listen rubbed Steve raw and almost convinced him that his old friend really had changed. That there was no way he was going to reach Tony again. But he's there on the roof with him now, apparently trying to talk, and Steve wants to believe that he was wrong. Maybe this time they can work things out.

It just reminds him of the other times he thought the same thing. The times that ended in friends injured and unnecessary fighting. He meets tony's eyes, judging his words carefully despite the flicker of hope that makes it onto his face. He can't stay angry at Tony, but he can't keep chasing after the past. Steve knows that too well. ]

Are you going to tell me what's going on?

[ He doesn't reach out for the coffee, although he does drop a little of the tight stance he's in. There's a cautious acceptance of Tony's presence. ]

I can't give you anything when I don't know what I'm dealing with. What are you hiding from me? You seemed pretty determined not to talk before.

[ and here was the crux of the issue: how honest is Tony about the past for him, and the future for Steve? how does he tell Steve about all the monumental ways he manages to fuck everything up, how many choices he makes that aren't the best for him and Steve, but are what were necessary at the time?

and as much as Tony knows the answer, he doesn't like it. losing Steve all over again isn't something that he wanted to do.

at least, this time around, he is more aware of himself and the consequences of his actions.

with another noise, an exhale, Tony walks farther into the rooftop, sets a coffee closer to Steve before curling his fingers around his own cup.]

Yeah, I will. Whatever you want to know, Steve.

[ and he means that he will be as transparent as possible because if there was one person who did not deserve being lied to, it was Steve. Tony has done that before and it never ends well. he takes a sip of his coffee, lets the warmth suffuse his bones and talks.]

We found an inhuman named Ulysses. He can-- well, he has the ability to see a potential future, one of many possible outcomes. Carol... well Carol is using him to stop things before they happen, launched an attack on Thanos that got Rhodey killed, put Jennifer in a coma. She is trying to change the future, apparently. But-- it doesn't work like that. We are on opposing sides of things. Obviously. Medusa got involved, same with some property damage, and, well...

[ there is a small shrug, the reminder that he wasn't there to do anything, wasn't able to explain to Carol that it wasn't how she was going about things, it was how it could be used be people with a less just cause in mind. the fact that the future was always in fluxation, the future was fickle and fluid and beautiful, and not easily predicted.

Tony should know. ]

Edited 2017-06-05 19:13 (UTC)

[ Whatever you want to know, Steve. In the past, Steve would have accepted those words without question. The trust he had for Tony's honesty was absolute, and sometimes he still sees that in Tony's eyes. The commitment that first impressed Steve years ago is still there, buried under the tragedies that have piled up around them.

He's still learning how to believe again. Maybe that is something they both need. As much as Steve wants to deny it, he's feeling the losses as much as Tony is. He can't really blame him for being upset. It's the self-destruction that hits Steve hard. ]

And you thought I didn't need to know this? That I wouldn't understand?

[ As much as he sympathizes with Tony, it still hurts him to hear all of this now. ]

When were you going to tell me? When you had to? When one of them showed up and started a fight with you in the streets?

[ Again. They had done that too, which just makes Steve's chest hurt. ]

You weren't going to tell me, were you?

[ there was a time when those words would not have been honest when he would have tempered them with the intent to speak all the truths that were necessary rather than there. but this time, Tony does mean it. even if what he has to tell Steve might fracture them apart all over again. there were something things that were lost over time that Tony thought were worth the fight to get back; Steve's trust was one of them.

when he looks at the situation from Steve's point of view, from when and where he came from, Tony understands a little more. can see how his actions look, and while he can't change what he did or what happened, he can give Steve what he asked for.]

I didn't think-- [ his eyes flicker down, lines marring the skin between his brows as he looks for words in the cup of coffee. ] It wasn't that important, not in comparison to being here, now. There was more I needed to focus on here, helping build things and keeping people safe here. Not worrying about the potential could bes.

[ it isn't an excuse, it was his legitimate thought process; like with Carol, Tony was aware that the possibility of something happen in the future was left to unfolding events. he could build up the present to prepare for it, to honour that possible future, or he could fear it.

Tony refused to fear the future. ]

I want to say I would tell you, if it came up. If we talked. [ a pause as he looks up, brows still creased with thought and worry and sorrow as he looks at the man that he used to call friend. that he used to rely on for so much. he wondered if they could ever be that again, of if the bridges they had crossed had also been burned. ] I didn't make an active attempt to hide it from you, if that is what you mean.

But you weren't going to tell me.

[ There is no way that would have come up. Steve had no way of knowing what was going on in Tony's time, and of course Tony would know what not to say, how to carefully talk around any topic that he didn't feel like touching on. The answers he gives Steve are just ways of placating him, and in the end Steve knows that they would never have talked. They're barely talking now.

He's still part of the past to Tony, and Tony, with his eyes on the future, never did have much time for the old and outdated. For once Steve is able to realize how distant they are. Tony, Stephen, even Loki are from another time. He closes his eyes and sees scenes of his nightmares play behind them. The place out of time and space that he was trapped in before being brought back is still lurking at the edge of his memories. When he opens his eyes, he picks up the coffee cup Tony left for him, looking into it. ]

It must have been a while for you.

[ His reflection is vague in the dark liquid. ]

I guess I didn't really think about it. I figured if there was a way, I could go back and put things right.

I don't-- [ he drops off, a frustrated noise barely audible in his throat. he refuses to lie to Steve, refuses to toss out answers that are too quick and careless in their construction, so he bites back the knee jerk reactions and thinks. then thinks again. there is silence for a moment, while Tony seeks what they both need so much from the space between them with his eyes before he really looks at Steve.

there is a hollow kind of resignation when he speaks. ] No, I guess I wasn't.

[ been a while for you

those words are true, and sharp. it has been awhile, a long while, since he felt free to speak, since he last felt honestly hopeful about things. since he and Steve stood on the same side rather than opposite with a chasm between them. it is mirrored in them now, the space between where Steve stands and Tony stares, space filled with ghosts and memories that work to drive them apart and drive them away.

Tony wonders how it got so big without really noticing. perhaps this was the price you paid for the future. ]

Yeah, yeah it has been a while. [ there is defeat in the words, quiet and sullen, but when Tony looks up to catch Steve staring into his coffee, there is a small flicker of something like hope. they weren't the past, they weren't who they were before, maybe--]

You can't fix the world on your own Steve. [ though the gods know that he would try. Tony takes half a step forward, slow and cautious. ] But I think-- if you want, I know someone who might want to help.

Edited (forgot a word. : I) 2017-06-06 17:43 (UTC)

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