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entry_info={ .02 span:request_pending, engage:video }, username=stark.naked

[ Good whatever-fucking-time-it-is-now Riverview! You are being graced with the not-so-rare sight of one Tony Stark after spending too much time in the perimeter defence office throwing himself into work and, if you are to go by the state of his hair and the few smudges of grease on his face, perhaps throwing himself into some of the machinery that can be seen strewn about the place. (It really doesn't look any better from the last time you saw it, Riverview, still a chaotic mess).

With a twitch of his mouth, Tony settles his chin on his folded hands and peers into the feed, eyebrow cocked in a way that made him look equal parts insane and amused.]

So, I have been digging into some random things that I have been able to get my hands on as of late and, overall I have to say I am very impressed with the tech in this place. I mean, sure interdimensional portal and all that, but have you seen some of their basic routeing systems? Well, beyond the shitty ones that like to die and not work and--

[ Shit, wait. There was a reason he was doing this, right.

Tony blinks a few times, shakes his head, and continues.]

Point is, there is a lot I can dig into, lots of things that I can make, but only if I have the parts. So, here's the deal; whoever can bring me scraps of machines and computers, tech that seems mostly useless, please do. In return, I will be more than willing to work with, well, anyone that wants something that is a little harder to come by here.

[ Pushing back, Tony leans back in the chair he is sitting in and runs his hands through his hair.]

While I did say I was out of the weapons manufacturing back home, I can make exceptions here, so if there is something you want in particular, let me know. Within reason, of course.

[ There is a flash of a grin as he leans back in, a quick wink, before the feed cuts out. ]

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Yeah that--

[ Tony sighs, pulls his hand with the coffee back in and takes a moment to orient himself. what does he want? he wants to build bridges, not fucking walls or armour and he was going to fucking try to do as much. he has gone through not having Steve around, and has gone through not having Steve really close and, well, they were all his own fault. he wasn't going to let one more fuck up keep him from having his friend back.

not that Tony expects it to be easy, hell, he doesn't even know if Steve will forgive him a little bit, but Steve wasn't the only one that could be a stubborn shit. while Tony was slightly more likely to cave than the blond, this was a sticking point for him; accountability and friendship. Tony could admit when he fucked up (which was more often than he would like) and he also knew that Steve's presence as a friend and not just an ally was something he wanted.

so after a moment of watching Steve, too close to the edge, Tony looks him straight in the eye when he speaks.]

I want to apologize. We should talk, I've been avoiding it, thought too much about getting settled here and forgot about how shit could affect others I care about. [ there is a pointed look at that before he holds out the coffee again.] I get it if you don't want to, hell I probably don't deserve it, but I would be grateful for that chance if you are willing to give it to me.

[ it's more honest and true than Tony has been in a while, months really. he hasn't slowed down, stopped and thought about rippling effects or people in a while. he vows to give that chance to Steve though.]

[ There's a part of Steve that is still irritated by the way Tony reacted the last time they spoke. His refusal to listen rubbed Steve raw and almost convinced him that his old friend really had changed. That there was no way he was going to reach Tony again. But he's there on the roof with him now, apparently trying to talk, and Steve wants to believe that he was wrong. Maybe this time they can work things out.

It just reminds him of the other times he thought the same thing. The times that ended in friends injured and unnecessary fighting. He meets tony's eyes, judging his words carefully despite the flicker of hope that makes it onto his face. He can't stay angry at Tony, but he can't keep chasing after the past. Steve knows that too well. ]

Are you going to tell me what's going on?

[ He doesn't reach out for the coffee, although he does drop a little of the tight stance he's in. There's a cautious acceptance of Tony's presence. ]

I can't give you anything when I don't know what I'm dealing with. What are you hiding from me? You seemed pretty determined not to talk before.

[ and here was the crux of the issue: how honest is Tony about the past for him, and the future for Steve? how does he tell Steve about all the monumental ways he manages to fuck everything up, how many choices he makes that aren't the best for him and Steve, but are what were necessary at the time?

and as much as Tony knows the answer, he doesn't like it. losing Steve all over again isn't something that he wanted to do.

at least, this time around, he is more aware of himself and the consequences of his actions.

with another noise, an exhale, Tony walks farther into the rooftop, sets a coffee closer to Steve before curling his fingers around his own cup.]

Yeah, I will. Whatever you want to know, Steve.

[ and he means that he will be as transparent as possible because if there was one person who did not deserve being lied to, it was Steve. Tony has done that before and it never ends well. he takes a sip of his coffee, lets the warmth suffuse his bones and talks.]

We found an inhuman named Ulysses. He can-- well, he has the ability to see a potential future, one of many possible outcomes. Carol... well Carol is using him to stop things before they happen, launched an attack on Thanos that got Rhodey killed, put Jennifer in a coma. She is trying to change the future, apparently. But-- it doesn't work like that. We are on opposing sides of things. Obviously. Medusa got involved, same with some property damage, and, well...

[ there is a small shrug, the reminder that he wasn't there to do anything, wasn't able to explain to Carol that it wasn't how she was going about things, it was how it could be used be people with a less just cause in mind. the fact that the future was always in fluxation, the future was fickle and fluid and beautiful, and not easily predicted.

Tony should know. ]

Edited 2017-06-05 19:13 (UTC)

[ Whatever you want to know, Steve. In the past, Steve would have accepted those words without question. The trust he had for Tony's honesty was absolute, and sometimes he still sees that in Tony's eyes. The commitment that first impressed Steve years ago is still there, buried under the tragedies that have piled up around them.

He's still learning how to believe again. Maybe that is something they both need. As much as Steve wants to deny it, he's feeling the losses as much as Tony is. He can't really blame him for being upset. It's the self-destruction that hits Steve hard. ]

And you thought I didn't need to know this? That I wouldn't understand?

[ As much as he sympathizes with Tony, it still hurts him to hear all of this now. ]

When were you going to tell me? When you had to? When one of them showed up and started a fight with you in the streets?

[ Again. They had done that too, which just makes Steve's chest hurt. ]

You weren't going to tell me, were you?

[ there was a time when those words would not have been honest when he would have tempered them with the intent to speak all the truths that were necessary rather than there. but this time, Tony does mean it. even if what he has to tell Steve might fracture them apart all over again. there were something things that were lost over time that Tony thought were worth the fight to get back; Steve's trust was one of them.

when he looks at the situation from Steve's point of view, from when and where he came from, Tony understands a little more. can see how his actions look, and while he can't change what he did or what happened, he can give Steve what he asked for.]

I didn't think-- [ his eyes flicker down, lines marring the skin between his brows as he looks for words in the cup of coffee. ] It wasn't that important, not in comparison to being here, now. There was more I needed to focus on here, helping build things and keeping people safe here. Not worrying about the potential could bes.

[ it isn't an excuse, it was his legitimate thought process; like with Carol, Tony was aware that the possibility of something happen in the future was left to unfolding events. he could build up the present to prepare for it, to honour that possible future, or he could fear it.

Tony refused to fear the future. ]

I want to say I would tell you, if it came up. If we talked. [ a pause as he looks up, brows still creased with thought and worry and sorrow as he looks at the man that he used to call friend. that he used to rely on for so much. he wondered if they could ever be that again, of if the bridges they had crossed had also been burned. ] I didn't make an active attempt to hide it from you, if that is what you mean.

But you weren't going to tell me.

[ There is no way that would have come up. Steve had no way of knowing what was going on in Tony's time, and of course Tony would know what not to say, how to carefully talk around any topic that he didn't feel like touching on. The answers he gives Steve are just ways of placating him, and in the end Steve knows that they would never have talked. They're barely talking now.

He's still part of the past to Tony, and Tony, with his eyes on the future, never did have much time for the old and outdated. For once Steve is able to realize how distant they are. Tony, Stephen, even Loki are from another time. He closes his eyes and sees scenes of his nightmares play behind them. The place out of time and space that he was trapped in before being brought back is still lurking at the edge of his memories. When he opens his eyes, he picks up the coffee cup Tony left for him, looking into it. ]

It must have been a while for you.

[ His reflection is vague in the dark liquid. ]

I guess I didn't really think about it. I figured if there was a way, I could go back and put things right.

I don't-- [ he drops off, a frustrated noise barely audible in his throat. he refuses to lie to Steve, refuses to toss out answers that are too quick and careless in their construction, so he bites back the knee jerk reactions and thinks. then thinks again. there is silence for a moment, while Tony seeks what they both need so much from the space between them with his eyes before he really looks at Steve.

there is a hollow kind of resignation when he speaks. ] No, I guess I wasn't.

[ been a while for you

those words are true, and sharp. it has been awhile, a long while, since he felt free to speak, since he last felt honestly hopeful about things. since he and Steve stood on the same side rather than opposite with a chasm between them. it is mirrored in them now, the space between where Steve stands and Tony stares, space filled with ghosts and memories that work to drive them apart and drive them away.

Tony wonders how it got so big without really noticing. perhaps this was the price you paid for the future. ]

Yeah, yeah it has been a while. [ there is defeat in the words, quiet and sullen, but when Tony looks up to catch Steve staring into his coffee, there is a small flicker of something like hope. they weren't the past, they weren't who they were before, maybe--]

You can't fix the world on your own Steve. [ though the gods know that he would try. Tony takes half a step forward, slow and cautious. ] But I think-- if you want, I know someone who might want to help.

Edited (forgot a word. : I) 2017-06-06 17:43 (UTC)

[ It hurts. Somewhere deep within him in a place he doesn't usually acknowledge. The lack of connection to his friends has been weighing on him for a long time now, but Steve, stubborn as always, has brushed it off and buried the pain deeper in the back of his mind so he doesn't have to face it. But now, facing Tony and the memories of the past, he's finally forced to acknowledge that ache that has been hanging over both of them.

And the fact that Tony has been struggling, trying to reach him even as Steve was pulling back into himself. With his friend offering a hand in peace, it's wrong for Steve to deny him. ]

I can try. Someone has to fix it.

[ That's the stubbornness speaking, of course, but his expression softens as Tony steps forward and makes an offer that Steve thought he wasn't going to hear again. He's been too hard on him, expecting Tony to talk about whatever happened ahead of the time Steve remembers and getting frustrated by being left behind. He hasn't given Tony enough credit. ]

...I'd like that. I miss having the help.

[ the stubbornness, that bright spark of who Steve is, makes Tony want to laugh. an actual laugh, not one tempered with bitterness or worry or self-loathing, but a laugh with an edge of brightness to it. it has been a damn long time since he felt enough to laugh like that. there were so few people in his life that were as stubborn as Steve and it was oddly refreshing to be faced with that again.

to be offered a place at the side of that stubbornness rather than be opposite to it. there is an ember of a smile in the lines of his mouth, something that wants to be more, wants to flare brighter and stronger, but he tempers it for now.

just for now though.

there is a beat of silence before:] I know you would try to fix it, probably the only person that I would say might have a chance at it honestly, but you still can't fly last I checked so...

[ the ember of a smile flickers, brighter, until there is something that he might tentatively call happiness burning there.]

You miss having help? I think I miss having a partner, a friend, to count on myself.

[ and it is true; he misses Steve. the easy friendship that they had for so long, and this is the first time he has really let himself say that outloud.]

[ The humor that comes from Tony's laugh is a sound Steve realizes he hasn't heard in a while. Since before they started fighting, in fact, something that seemed to fade and vanish when things got worse for them and that never came back. He hadn't really noticed how little Tony had laughed anymore. He'd been distracted by his own grief and then anger and troubles when the Red Skull and Crossbones had taken up his thoughts. He hadn't had time to-

He hadn't given enough time to the friends that were still alive. Steve had been selfishly living under the assumption that Tony was okay. He was always okay. ]

I miss the way things were.

[ It's a simple, plain truth. It sounds a little too typical in Steve's mind. Steve Rogers, longing for the past. Of course he would. There are a stream of old man jokes that flit through his mind as he says that, taunts from enemies and friends alike telling him he can't move forward; he always clings to the old ways. But the words are true. He won't deny them. ]

You didn't lose a friend. [ Did he? Steve is suddenly faced with that. The real, hard truth that this is about their friendship. ]

[ it is far too easy, Tony thinks, to get caught up in all the things that pull you under, that pull you apart, and to forget about the things that you think will always be there. Tony has been caught up in duty and what is right so many times, he sometimes forgets that it doesn't always coincide with being a good friend. sure, there are very few times when he would say that what he gave up for the greater good was too much-- but, well everytime he might, it involved Steve.

Tony wonders, not for the first time, if he would let the world burn for Steve if it ever came to that again. if he could, knowing what he knows now, make those choices again.

he wants to say that he would, but--]

I miss the way we were.

[ he doesn't miss the past, Tony never really looked back at it, too caught up in the future and what it could be, and yet there was something honest in his answer.]

I think I did, Steve. I made choices that weren't what they should have been, but I think-- maybe I can build it up again. Stronger for all the lessons learned.

Things used to be a lot simpler, that's for sure. Remember when threats to the planet were the worst thing we could imagine?

[ Steve's smile is dry, but soft. They've been through a lot of Hell, and it seems like a long time ago since he and Tony could just spend time together as friends, doing something other than work. Even when there is work between them, it doesn't feel like enough to soothe the tension. ]

You're my friend, Tony. Whatever happened, it doesn't change that. Maybe we can't go back to the way things were, but that won't change my mind on this. You're just ... frustrating sometimes.

[ He can't deny that there's still a sting, knowing Tony had chosen to stand against him, but there's more pain in hearing that his friend doesn't see them as friends anymore. That the trust between them that Steve believed in above all else is failing. ]

You are my friend, Tony. If something else changed that, then I don't want to hear about it.

[ that makes Tony laugh, a bark of a thing as he looks out to the skyline, but there is fondness in the lines of his face.]

Yeah, and when galactic wars were not monthy events. [ his gaze flickers back to Steve, echoing the dry smile. they really haven't had time to stop; between fighting threats, to fighting each other, to trying to build up the world again and trying to build the future, they had long since lost touch with the things that made them such a great team in the beginning.

things that made them such great friends.

it shouldn't be much of surprise that hearing Steve say 'you're my friend' with such conviction makes something in Tony shudder, has his chest tightening as he laughs a little wetly. ] Only sometimes? You might be developing a tolerance there, Steve.

[ another pause, Tony inhaling deeply, completely, before levelling a look at Steve. yeah, there was a lot between them, just as much hurt as there was help and Tony-- well Tony was more than aware it was almost all on him. so when he is given a chance to try again, to prove he could be the person that Steve thought he could be, he would have to be a fool to turn in down.

so Tony nods, slowly at first, before he seems to believe himself.]

You never stopped being my friend, Steve. And I-- well, I am sorry for letting what has happened ruin that friendship. [ there is irony in the fact that he is being controlled by the past, letting it shape the now, rather than him aiming for the future.] I will tell you if you want to know, you deserve the truth like I promised, but if you don't-- well, I won't make that mistake again.

[ Despite the casual tone of their talk, it is serious. Steve knows that a lot is resting on this now. The rift between them can't all be blamed on the war or a difference of opinions. Whether it is politics or core beliefs, they have always managed to make things work in the past. The strain on their friendship is from something else, something that he thinks might have been building for a long time and he just hasn't noticed. How has he missed it?

Maybe there are a lot of things he doesn't notice. It seems like there are more and more these days. The weight of it all is crushing his friends and Steve is failing to lift them up. It's not just Tony. It's all of the Avengers, and Steve is as much to blame as anyone. ]

You didn't let anything ruin our friendship, Tony. I need you to believe that. No matter what we face or how bad it gets, we get through it. And we get through it together. That hasn't changed.

[ His tone is stern, but only with conviction this time, not anger. ]

I trust you. From here on out, I know you'll tell me the truth. Let's take it from here, okay?

[ this was perhaps the price you paid for trying to save the world, for trying to save the universe. you sacrificed the things that meant the most to you, and for him that was his friendship with Steve. his ability and belief in the man, as well as in himself just a little bit. and while Tony would say that he would do it again, that he can't put the things he selfishly wants above the universe....

if he is being given the chance to rebuild, he is going to take it.

at Steve's words, Tony lets his head hang, the weight and the will in those words shaking him.

he had forgotten what it was like to have someone believe in you that much. when he tips his head back to Steve, there is something there that is brighter, something stronger, then there has been in a while.]

And I trust you, we work together on this then. Like we used to.

[ it isn't a question, it is something closer to belief. Tony knows that, if Steve is willing to work for this as much as he is, then they will move forward and weather whatever trials happen to find them.]

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