002 ☼ memory broadcast; un: ginko

[tenthousandmiles]

(cw: very mild eye squick)

It starts in a forest, deep in the mountains--

(There’s eyes on you, like always. You’ve been watched since the moment you stepped foot here. You’re unnatural after all, the child who brings about disasters. The mountain lord must know it)

You’re walking through, following closely behind a much older man. Others who live there pass through, and he introduces you as his apprentice when questioned. They converse with him awhile, clearly anxious, before leaving, and you have to ask—

“What was all that talk about a new mountain lord?”

“Even mountain lords are mortal. The one here is getting along in years, and yet, we still haven’t seen signs of its successor. If a new one doesn’t assume its place, then these mountains will decline. That’s what everyone’s afraid of.”

---

That night, you don’t feel the mountain lord’s eyes on you. It makes you restless, and you wander out from Suguro’s hut to find him. He, too, looks agitated.

“What’s wrong?”

“I believe the mountain lord has passed away. I’ll go take a look around. You stay here.”

You feel a little jolt in your chest, the slow creeping burn of guilt crawling up your throat. The unnatural child who brings disaster, everywhere he goes.

“…Is it because I showed up?”

Suguro lays a hand affectionately atop your head, ruffling your hair in reassurance. “I told you it was approaching the end of its life.”

It still feels like your fault. Stay here, he repeats again, going off to look around for its successor, before unrest overtakes the mountain village. You mean to do as you’re told, to not make a nuisance of yourself for this man who has shown you nothing but kindness, more kindness than you deserve….

….but then, you see it. A bright, glowing, pulsing light in the distance. It has a shine just like the koumyaku, the Light Vein that you followed for a time when you lived with the Watari, and you’re drawn toward it.

Sitting there, nestled in a bird’s nest…

“Is this the egg…of the mountain lord…?” you whisper aloud, awed and terrified and a little….envious, and you succumb to the sudden foolish urge to pick it up.

(The mountain lords are the natural order incarnate, Suguro had said. The exact opposite of you.)

“Wow….so it was born, after all.”

You can feel its life in your hands, its power pulsing along with the light that emanates from it. For a second, your resentment surges along with it, and you wonder if you could take its place….

Guilt comes up hard and fast, and you move to put the egg back

ϟ

you didn’t mean it

you didn’t mean it

you d i d n ‘ t




the egg lays cracked on the ground, having slipped from your fingers when some crows startled you, and you can only stare in wordless horror as Suguro’s voice rings in your ears

{

It’d be as if not a single flower blooms, even when spring comes

}

A chill runs through the air instantly, dead leaves suddenly falling off trees and at your feet as if it had suddenly become autumn. Your entire body shakes as you reach for the cracked egg, the shining light leaking out of it like lifeblood.

“What should I do?” your voice shudders in terror, threatening to break. “What should I…”

Fruitlessly, you try calling for Suguro, but wherever he is, he’s too far away to hear you. You don’t know how to find him, but you take off at a desperate run nonetheless, dead leaves swirling around you as the light continues to fade.

Finally, you see a creature in the distance. Those eyes….they can only be—

“Mountain Lord?”

It doesn’t answer.

“You’re alive!”

Still, no answer.

“Hey, please tell me what to do!”
It turns, then, walks in the other direction. You chase desperately after it.

“Wait! Hey!”

“You know everything, right? I’ll do anything! If you can fix this…I don’t care what happens to me!”

---

The ground falls away, and you wake up in the dark. The Light Vein stretches out before you, magnificent and terrifying. The old mountain lord is there, and it slowly disappears as it crosses through.

“Mountain Lord! Wait! …Please…”

But it’s gone, and you can only watch as its essence seemingly returns from whence it came.

Suddenly, you realize something. Maybe if you give yourself to the Light Vein, along with the egg, you could save the mountain. It’d be worth it; your life is nothing compared to everyone else on the mountain, and you don’t belong there, anyway. You’ve never belonged anywhere.

But then there’s a sudden and piercing pain from where your left eye used to be, the Tokoyami living in its hollow forcing you to your knees in agony.

“Stop!” you cry out in anguish, the pain in your eye mingling with the pain and horror of what you’ve done. “Why do you always get in my way?”

The pain doesn’t abate, blood dripping even from the empty eye socket, and you continue to struggle against the Tokoyami until suddenly you stop.

“I see…You just want to live.”

---

A pair of outstretched hands come to you, then. It doesn’t speak, only reaches out closer, those hands cupped to accept the egg from you.

You offer it up, then, and once taken, it gestures with one hand behind you, as if to say go back, before it too returns, leaving you alone in the dark once more, until…

Hey! Ginko!

Suguro’s voice pulls you back, and you’re in the forest again. You can’t find the words to respond; leaving only the tears that flow from your eye in answer.

You’re so, so, so sorry.