bythehand: (this is gr8 but also the worst day)
F̶N̶-̶2̶1̶8̶7̶ | Finn ([personal profile] bythehand) wrote in [community profile] riverview 2017-12-27 03:03 am (UTC)

private -> action

I wasn't thinking.

[ Firm. Insistent. That's his only door. That's the only excuse he can try to bring to bear, flat like he's putting up a token argument against an official reprimand, even though he's the only one he's in trouble with here. Even though the truth is that he's always thinking, and he knows it, and he hates excuses.

He can't come up with anything else to say. It's hard to fit words around his hard-edged anger over saying anything at all.

Finn disconnects, because at this point he might as well go ahead and run away, too.

Of course, the inherent problem with that decision is that Finn can't and won't actually stay gone. He comes back to the room. Puts things off for a while, maybe. Runs some laps. Does some target practice. Stops by a grocery store. The escapism factor isn't great because he's wearing the jacket that Poe gave him, and it's hard to not see a jacket that's constantly on his person. He spends time trying very hard to keep a lid on everything excess that starts to come out. He spends time trying very hard to not be thinking. It doesn't work.

But he doesn't stay gone.

They're on the same team. They're all in this together. It would take a lot worse than him being himself to change that, and he knows that, too. ]

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