text; un: worstwitch

[bastardofipswich]

M4M SEEKING: NEW ARCH-ENEMY
18yo swm in search of new arch-enemy!! i took a 3 month long nap and my old one left the city with his gf :(

must be:

• male
  
• ages 17-21
  
• btwn 5'10" - 6'3"
  
• athletic
  
• able to take a beating
  
• magic OR otherwise superpowered
  
• annoyingly moral
  
• bicuriosity a plus
  

it would also help if you had an annoying group of friends i could use as leverage against you. interested parties can get in touch with Chase Collins @worstwitch!!


ps: pls include a headshot

Comments

[somnioergosum]

[Ronan has no words. So he takes a picture of his middle finger and sends that instead.]

[bastardofipswich]

please
you need real chemistry for it. it's not the kind of thing you can find with just anyone

i totally did
"18yo swm"

[bastardofipswich]

[ That warms his troll heart! Here, he'll graduate from shitty emoticons to SHITTY EMOJIS: ]

😘

[deploy]

It happens once a lunar cycle, which is longer or shorter depending on your planet and how many moons it has.

I'm just glad you're not too young to know Nirvana. I wish they'd been around when I was a teenager. Instead we got Cyndi Lauper and Flock of Seagulls. Never had a chance.

[John almost says he's taken, anyway. Then he remembers he isn't. Yeah he's cracking open another beer to have an ill-advised conversation with a teenager.]

If an adult gets weird with you don't be afraid to name and shame. If this network's good for anything it's calling people out.

If an adult gets REALLY weird with you? Drop me a line. I've got an assault shotgun I don't get to use often enough.

[antietam]

But you're posting an ad for it.

Are those three letters supposed to mean something?

[bastardofipswich]

omg
tell me you had the flock of seagulls hair
just lie to me if you didn't!

[ Look, John, it's okay. IT'S OKAY THAT YOU'RE A DISASTER.

...

Though he's honestly... surprised by the offer?? His own parents never really cared much what he did any which way, so long as he was the Perfect Son and didn't embarrass the Collins name. And his birth dad was totally MIA from the get-go. His birth mom died before he was old enough to remember her.

SO HE'S NEVER HAD AN ADULT MAKE THE "IF SOMEONE'S A CREEP, I'LL SHOOT THEM" OFFER BEFORE. ]

seriously?

[deploy]

Oh I tried, but the gull was against dress-code and I already got enough hell for my hair. Teachers used to try and glue it down to my head. Can't say I miss the eighties. Or high school.

I wouldn't have offered if I wasn't serious.

[talentedscavenger]

And I can't play this game with you because....?

Everyone is busy. :P

text | @arcarius

[angelic_archer]

Is Arch-Enemy some weird, mundie way of saying 'Someone I want to have angry sex with'?

[brightline]

meet me outside the walls in like 5 min and I'll show you. fair warning it's not pretty though.

I'm down.

[ragnarsson]

I could always fill in as a temporary one until you find one better. I may not be moral, but I've got a lot of other wonderful qualities that allowed me to take over England. Or just take one of mine off my hands.

[Of course Ivar has different nemesis, who do you take him for?]

[bastardofipswich]

yes!!!!

[ He's gonna see a hot emo guy TURN INTO A T-REX, THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER. ]

wait wait wait
just one question:
you're not gonna feel an uncontrollable urge to eat me when you're a t-rex right?

[bastardofipswich]

you CAN
i just assumed you didn't want to ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[bastardofipswich]

posting an ad =/= taking any schmuck who offers
you know
kind of like how you're not obligated to marry the first person who swipes right on friendr

single white male
obviously SOMEBODY needs to spend a little more time on craigslist

[bastardofipswich]

idk is mundie some weird, next-level nerd way of calling me a muggle?

[ But to answer your question: yeah, it's basically one and the same for Chase. ]

[bastardofipswich]

see! high school's crap!! no one in their right mind would willingly go back to that blazer and sweater vest hell

also i'm picturing 80s you as rob lowe
pls don't ruin this by telling me you're not rob lowe

[ And, because Chase is Chase and won't outright SAY when he appreciates anything: ]

i'll keep that in mind
but jsyk i'm pretty good at defending my virtue 🔪🔪🔪🦈

[thestarling]

That's a very specific list.

[deploy]

Is that a fish?

[Kids these days with their 'emojis'.]

[bastardofipswich]

[ john

why

you're so old....... ]

i guess TECHNICALLY?
🦈

[bastardofipswich]

i like to call it a sensible one

would YOU fuck with any of those?

[thestarling]

I'm from London, mate, we don't exactly do wildlife.

[angelic_archer]

Mundane is what people who aren't connected to the supernatural are called in my reality.

Since you know about magic, you wouldn't be a Mundane.

[bastardofipswich]

then i guess this isn't how mundies solicit hate sex ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[deploy]

Right.

Leave the stabbing to a professional and get your GED.

[bastardofipswich]

counterpoint: i don't get my GED and i become a professional dj instead