text; un: worstwitch

[bastardofipswich]

M4M SEEKING: NEW ARCH-ENEMY
18yo swm in search of new arch-enemy!! i took a 3 month long nap and my old one left the city with his gf :(

must be:

• male
  
• ages 17-21
  
• btwn 5'10" - 6'3"
  
• athletic
  
• able to take a beating
  
• magic OR otherwise superpowered
  
• annoyingly moral
  
• bicuriosity a plus
  

it would also help if you had an annoying group of friends i could use as leverage against you. interested parties can get in touch with Chase Collins @worstwitch!!


ps: pls include a headshot

Comments

@just.marco; text

[brightline]

you sure this isn't a personals ad. sounds like you're looking for a boyfriend.

[bastardofipswich]

[ Oh Marco...

You are 100% accurate in that assessment. ]

i mean...
an arch-enemy relationship is KIND OF like dating
if you think about it

Text @ scavenger.rey

[talentedscavenger]

Sounds more like a business ad.

Why would you want an enemy to begin with?

[bastardofipswich]

it's a pretty serious business ad

because i miss mine :(

text; @actualwizard666

[wiccant]

Pass on the arch-enemy thing, but welcome back.
I kept Cujo for you.

[bastardofipswich]

are you sure?
i make a pretty great arch-enemy!

[ AS FOR CUJO... That's enough to get Chase to switch to video. ]

Where is he? I honestly figured Sarah kidnapped him.

[ He's so excited WHERE IS HIS PUPPY ]

text; un: pc.grant

[thestarling]

Can you really hire an archenemy?

[bastardofipswich]

i like to think of it more as... putting out a personal ad
looking for the opposite of love!

[ text | un: trickster ]

[dothelokimotion]

Take Kylo Ren. I hear he's available.

[bastardofipswich]

[ IF ONLY HE COULD INTERACT WITH KYLO REN. ]

who's that

video: the general

[oldladyleia]

[She's just got her arms crossed and is staring at him with an 'are you seriously doing this' look.]

That's the first thing you want to connect with here?

[bastardofipswich]

[ wev, grandma! he just gives her that smug, obnoxious teenager grin, but answers with utterly insincere politeness. ]

Yes, ma'am, it is.

audio un:pnwsalex

[11calls]

[Alex just sounds exceptionally amused.]

Is that what kids are calling it these days?

[bastardofipswich]

Only the cool ones.

Voice; @the.boneless

[ragnarsson]

Oh look, you're not dead.

[Ivar's standard reaction when people disappear and reappear.]

You know, I do happen to fit in with most of that description. Except for being moral. Morality is for people who actually give a shit about others.

[bastardofipswich]

[ And in this case: Chase totally was dead! ]

Oh, man... See, this is tough. My last arch-enemy gave a shit about everyone, and that's what made it so fun. But you do tick most of my boxes...

[ DECISIONS, DECISIONS... ]

text; thunderer

[worldsaway]

Male: ✓
Age: ???
Height: 6'4
Athletic: ✓ ✓
Able to take a beating: ✓ ✓ ✓
Superpowered: ✓ ✓ ✓ ✓
Annoyingly moral: ✓ ✓ ✓ ✓ ✓
Bicurious: ????

And I already find you insufferable, so we're off to a good start.

[dothelokimotion]

@r.lynch | text

[somnioergosum]

what kind of loser puts out an ad looking for someone to beat up

[bastardofipswich]

if you think a long term arch enemy relationship is as simple as 'looking for someone to beat up' then idek what to say!
i pity you :\

@wingingit | text

[volitaunt]

too old for it.

[ AND TOO SHORT. ]

welcome back, though. i guess? feels weird to welcome someone back to being stuck here.

how's your luck so far?

[ why do so many people take this kid seriously when he's obviously being a little shit, it's a mystery to poe ]

[bastardofipswich]

don't you have a plucky sidekick for the job?

[ AN AGE-APPROPRIATE HERO TRAINEE TO STAND IN FOR YOU. ]

no one's REALLY clicking in that 'one true enemy for life' way
siiiiiigh
guess i'm destined to live a conflict free life...

[ He's so deprived without Caleb.

ANYWAY: ]

no closer to making your great escape huh?

text | @minsu

[foxtrots]

what would you do with an arch-enemy. would you take him on dates?

it sounds like you would take him on dates.

[bastardofipswich]

[ sob is he so transparent?

...yes, yes he is. ]

no!
i'd just terrorize him on an exclusive basis

@a.parrish

[antietam]

What are the benefits of this position? Insurance, paid time-off, job references?

[bastardofipswich]

a lifetime of hostile companionship!

@maverick

[deploy]

Just wait for pre-school to start up again, I'm sure you'll find someone.

He might even have Batman PJs.

[bastardofipswich]

PRESCHOOL?

i'll have you know i'm officially a high school dropout!

text | @arcarius

[angelic_archer]

Is Arch-Enemy some weird, mundie way of saying 'Someone I want to have angry sex with'?

[bastardofipswich]

idk is mundie some weird, next-level nerd way of calling me a muggle?

[ But to answer your question: yeah, it's basically one and the same for Chase. ]

Text @un:redbird

[timmers]

Sounds to me like you need friends.

[bastardofipswich]

was that the vibe this post gave off?
gross

text; un: sage

[muskeg]

[ seriously, he shouldn't even be responding to this, he shouldn't-- and yet--]

when you say 'take a beating', you totally mean rough sex don't you.

[ look, Sage isn't over his self-destructive impulses and, honestly, you sound like some of his more reckless inner voices and-- well, he is more curious than he should be. ]

[bastardofipswich]

no i literally mean take a beating 😘

[ Look, Chase hasn't had regular sex yet, let alone rough sex! ]