riverview | text; un: worstwitch

Entry tags:

text; un: worstwitch

M4M SEEKING: NEW ARCH-ENEMY
18yo swm in search of new arch-enemy!! i took a 3 month long nap and my old one left the city with his gf :(

must be:

male
ages 17-21
btwn 5'10" - 6'3"
athletic
able to take a beating
magic OR otherwise superpowered
annoyingly moral
bicuriosity a plus

it would also help if you had an annoying group of friends i could use as leverage against you. interested parties can get in touch with Chase Collins @worstwitch!!

ps: pls include a headshot

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

i had a 3.9 gpa until i died a month into senior year
BOOM. mic drop

Edited 2018-04-09 01:21 (UTC)

Wow. That sucks. If that's your super-villain origin story, it's a good one.

Between you and me, if I were twenty years younger, I'd be happy to wipe the floor with you and grab drinks after.

Wait, you're not old enough to drink. God. That's weird.

nah mine's the usual 'daddy didn't love me' sob story

[ HAHAHA... he's not 100% joking there. ]

thanks man
that means a lot coming from an old guy

and fyi i can legally drink in mexico, europe and also this moon

Daddy's love is overrated. Probably. Honestly, I'm talking out of my ass. I wouldn't know daddy's love if it hit me in the face with a 2x4.

Yeah, that doesn't make you smell any less like teen spirit. I'm not into drinking with kids young enough to be my nephew.

whoa wait stop the presses!!
i've never seen an adult admit he's talking out of his ass before

sweet nirvana reference
honestly i'd probably call the cops if you were into that
because talk about CREEPY

Edited 2018-04-09 01:50 (UTC)

It happens once a lunar cycle, which is longer or shorter depending on your planet and how many moons it has.

I'm just glad you're not too young to know Nirvana. I wish they'd been around when I was a teenager. Instead we got Cyndi Lauper and Flock of Seagulls. Never had a chance.

[John almost says he's taken, anyway. Then he remembers he isn't. Yeah he's cracking open another beer to have an ill-advised conversation with a teenager.]

If an adult gets weird with you don't be afraid to name and shame. If this network's good for anything it's calling people out.

If an adult gets REALLY weird with you? Drop me a line. I've got an assault shotgun I don't get to use often enough.

omg
tell me you had the flock of seagulls hair
just lie to me if you didn't!

[ Look, John, it's okay. IT'S OKAY THAT YOU'RE A DISASTER.

...

Though he's honestly... surprised by the offer?? His own parents never really cared much what he did any which way, so long as he was the Perfect Son and didn't embarrass the Collins name. And his birth dad was totally MIA from the get-go. His birth mom died before he was old enough to remember her.

SO HE'S NEVER HAD AN ADULT MAKE THE "IF SOMEONE'S A CREEP, I'LL SHOOT THEM" OFFER BEFORE. ]

seriously?

Oh I tried, but the gull was against dress-code and I already got enough hell for my hair. Teachers used to try and glue it down to my head. Can't say I miss the eighties. Or high school.

I wouldn't have offered if I wasn't serious.

see! high school's crap!! no one in their right mind would willingly go back to that blazer and sweater vest hell

also i'm picturing 80s you as rob lowe
pls don't ruin this by telling me you're not rob lowe

[ And, because Chase is Chase and won't outright SAY when he appreciates anything: ]

i'll keep that in mind
but jsyk i'm pretty good at defending my virtue 🔪🔪🔪🦈

Edited 2018-04-09 12:34 (UTC)

Is that a fish?

[Kids these days with their 'emojis'.]

[ john

why

you're so old....... ]

i guess TECHNICALLY?
🦈

Edited 2018-04-09 15:55 (UTC)

Right.

Leave the stabbing to a professional and get your GED.

counterpoint: i don't get my GED and i become a professional dj instead

DJ Drop-Out does have a nice ring to it.

see???
you're already more supportive than my adoptive dad! with his "ivy league" this and his "mba" that

I was being sarcastic. Is there an emoji for that?

Be a DJ. Follow your dreams. Do whatever. Just get your damn GED. You’re not going to become a professional DJ overnight, and you’re going to need some way to support yourself.

It’s not even hard. I can’t tell if you’re dumb or lazy, but I don’t think you’re dumb, so stop being lazy.

[ NO. You ruined it by getting real with him. ]

ok fine
i'm not dumb or lazy
my grades kicked ass
SAT score? kicked ass
ACT score??? ALSO kicked ass
my extracurricular list is like a mile long
and none of it matters bc school's pointless, everything's a waste of time, and i'm PISSED OFF

[ tiny violin for who is, surely, the only teenager who's ever felt this way ever ]

All that means is you have no excuse. You're smart, you're capable, and you could probably do it in an hour.

Get your GED and send me a nice bottle of whiskey as a thank you present when you realize how right I am.

Counterpoint: Who wants an arch-enemy who hasn’t even finished high-school? What are you going to do, flip a burger at them?

[ ENCOURAGEMENT? NO. THIS BACKFIRED.

Even though lbr, despite how mad he is that his own death, which he kiiiind of brought upon himself, derailed his academic career... Chase really does hate the idea of not having a diploma at all. Just on principle, if nothing else. ]

will a GED get me into Supervillain University? i hear they have pretty rigorous standards

[ Ugh but seriously: ]

do they even HAVE that stupid test here?

Sure do. I just looked it up. This place isn't all that different from Earth.

I don't know much about Supervillain U but if you want to stand toe to toe with us 'save the universe' types?

Well. I went to Stanford.

Edited 2018-04-14 23:34 (UTC)