riverview | video; un: sg.rogers

[Steve's being restless and actually exploring the more risque side of Carnivale this time around. Part of him is a little bit salty, but he's trying not to show it. Whether or not that is working, well, it probably depends on his conversation partner. There is a lot of noise in the background - talking, laughing, and the low thrum of bass beats.]

Does anyone want to show me how to do this?

[He turns his phone camera toward some nearby people, who are apparently customers outside of Trixie, lounging at tables and enjoying the party. Apparently the theme for the night is lingerie and everyone is dressed to fit. One of the women he turns to says something too muffled to hear in the din, but the message is clear from her grin and inviting gesture.]

Thanks, no. I don't have one. Maybe next time.

[He turns the camera back to himself, smiling a little bit dryly.]

They look like they're having fun. [Anyway.] I know we're all pretty used to holidays here, but I've been thinking a lot lately about my home. Right now, we'd be celebrating the birth of a nation. And a dream... Since some of you have been here for a while, I'd like to know more about the worlds you came from. We've got a unique city on this moon. People from all kinds of places. I'd like to celebrate that too, if you'll allow it.

[Filtered away from MCU!Loki]

And if anyone sees Loki, can you do me a favor? Wish him a happy birthday. The older one. He's probably going to avoid it, but he should enjoy the day too.

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Then we'll change it. You're here and you're going to stay here.

[ His grip is just a bit tighter as he says that. ]

I won't let anyone take you. They want you? They'll have to come through to get you. And then they're gonna have to go through me.

[ Loki isn't sure Steve is understanding quite what his situation means. And to be fair, Loki hasn't even explained it properly, the words clogged in his throat. So he simply burrows his head on Steve's shoulder, drawing strength from him. ]

I tried. I was trying.

[ But he failed and Loki can't help believing he'll always fail. Always. ]

[ Steve probably is not fully understanding what Loki means, but that's because Steve is fundamentally an optimistic and slightly naive believer. He wants to think that he can make every change necessary and he can protect those close to him against all odds. It's unrealistic, but Steve has always existed on hope for the better, not realism alone. He pulls Loki closer. ]

I'm here now. We'll do it. Whatever happens, we can change it together.

[ Loki shakes his head. No more. He doesn't want to try anymore. He can't do it. It's better to fact that fact than to keep forcing himself. Loki can accept that. There would always be limits to his person. ]

Don't give up.

[He whispers that quietly, but insistently.]

I won't let go.

No.

[ Loki tries to pull himself away. ]

No more. I can't change. I can't do it. I was a fool to think I could.

[Steve resists, trying to keep Loki close to him.]

You promised me you'd come back.

[ He falters, blinking tears from his eyes. ]

I — [ I can't do better, I can't be better, I should break away, I shouldn't be here, even if I want to. ] — I don't know what to do. I don't know what to be.

Be you.

[And he knows that's unfair, but it's Steve. He can only be honest.]

I never asked for anything else.

Be me? Steve, I am — I am the worst thing to happen to everything I've loved.

Not to me.

[Which is just one voice, but still.]

I am glad that I met you. You've always been kind to me. I know you struggle, but your thoughtfulness is something I have always loved.

[ He visibly struggles, not sure what to say to that. Not sure of anything about himself anymore. ]

What if it's only a matter of time?

[There's pain in Steve's eyes. He understands, he does. But-]

All I have is time.

. . . Steve.

You have to do what's best for you. I-

[He can't finish. Steve loosens his grip, but keeps his hands on Loki anyway.]

It's always your choice.

[ loki moves to kiss him because it's hard to explain the emptiness in his chest and it hurts how it's spreading to everything around him, everything he's cared. He doesn't know how to make it stop and he's scared all over again. ]

[It's the fear he had: that Loki wouldn't come back when he left. And even though Loki is back, he's not really back. A piece of him is gone like the pieces of those he loved before. Sometimes they just can't get back what they had. He returns the kiss softly, feeling the distance between them.]

It's all right.

[ Quietly. ]

I came back for you.

[He smiles softly, brushing Loki's back with his hand. The words he wants to say, encouraging, reassuring words, don't come. Steve wants to believe that they can make things right again, but history keeps proving him wrong. In the end, maybe he's really just chasing a dream. So he just nods, fingers playing lightly on Loki's clothes.]

You came back.

[ They're both bogged down by history at the moment. Loki with all his mistakes trailing behind him, culminating in a brutal and Steve, looking at a Loki who is broken. ]

I tried, Steve. I really thought I could do it.

You can do it. I believe in you.

[There's no doubt in his voice as he says that. They may not be able to change everything, but Steve can still believe.]

[ Loki simply buries his head on Steve's shoulder quietly, shaking. Right now, he can't but later . . . later he'll try believing again. ]

[Loki thinks he has no more left to give and Steve is convinced that eventually he'll find that light again. He just holds him, stroking his back in silence.]

video; un: sg.rogers

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