...okay, that cannot taste good. Those things are everything bad about Fruit Roll-Ups-- no, it's worse than a Fruit Roll-Up, which is already bad enough as it is! You get none of the joy of fresh fruit, and none of the satisfaction of real candy!

[ Why are you doing this to yourself? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO HIM?

Okay, okay, Jeff. Let's get back on track here, even though edible underwear is super gross and not worth the calories!! ]

I have you on conspiracy to commit shenanigans! This whole post is evidence!