video | @snakehole

[satansniece]

What's up, Riverview?

[The feed turns on and there's April in her boring office, at her boring job for the boring government, being so incredibly bored that she's actually decided to do some real work. Who knew? Unfortunately, she's done about all she can do that doesn't involve actually interacting with other people, so she begrudgingly takes to the network.]

I'm April, I'm new, and for whatever reason, I get to do this now. [She points the lens at a new looking placard that reads "Assistant Director of Cultural Development." As she pans back to her face, she's still rolling her eyes.] I guess it kind of makes sense since I did a lot of this stuff working for the parks department back in Indiana, but there wasn't exactly a ton of culture going on there beyond harvest festivals, cult meetings, and farmers markets, so I might need a little input here. [She pauses, seemingly deep in thought for a brief moment, spinning her chair around slowly.] I'd say if anything, I'd really like to carry over planning meetings for any cults that might be interested in our city services.

I guess since it's going to be my job to help organize events and holidays and stuff, they'll probably want me to have a good idea of what everyone actually wants to see happening around here. [She wrinkles her nose, displeased at the idea of having to actually care what it is that people want, let alone hear about it. Maybe the people here aren't as horrible as they are in Pawnee, but she isn't holding her breath.]

My personal favorite is Halloween, and I don't really see why we should wait to celebrate it considering we're in a different reality, so my first proposal would be impromptu trick-or-treating, light mischief, and maybe a pizza party followed by some casual grave robbing. I'm open to suggestions, though.

Comments

[partiallysquirrelblood]

Maybe not grave-robbing? If this place is anything like home it'd probably end with the dead rising from those graves to wreak a terrible vengeance upon the living, and that would suck.

Chutt chkutt chtt.

You're right, Tippy-Toe, it would end up being her responsibility clean it up because it was her idea in the first place.

[satansniece]

Hmm, agree to disagree about that sucking, but your feedback is appreciated and noted. [She scribbles something on a sticky note and promptly throws it in the trash.]

Did you need to call animal control? I think that's a different department.

@frankenstein

[jolting]

[He chuckles] I don't know the kind of grave-robbing you do, but when I did it, it was hardly casual.

[satansniece]

[Now you're talking, Riverview]

A few small-time jobs here and there, mostly just for fun. [Ok ok, she's never actually robbed a grave in her life, but this is interesting.] Like I said, I'm open to suggestions.

[jolting]

Yeah, I can't say I've done it for fun before, either. Would you just put the dirt back in after you've dug to the coffin? At the very least I imagine you'd take pictures and maybe some light graffiti.

[You've already dug them up so more desecration can't hurt, right?]

[satansniece]

Nah, back in my town we could pretty much blame anything on the raccoons, so we'd just leave it. [This is actually not an exaggeration at all. April taps her temple with an index finger.] Plausible deniability.

I like where your head's at, though. [She actually writes down "pictures" and "graffiti" and sticks the note to the bulletin board behind her.]

[jolting]

Hm. Too bad the raccoon population isn't that high around here.

Ah... we are just joking, right? [Hey, he's robbed some graves, but it was for a reason]

[satansniece]

Yeah, too bad. [It's not, really. Not after growing up in Pawnee.]

Are we? I thought I was pretty clear about this being serious government business.

[jolting]

Okay. Then I guess they can't arrest you when you do it.

[satansniece]

They wouldn't dare arrest the Assistant Director of Cultural Development for a silly little thing like grave robbing, now would they?

[jolting]

Probably.

[satansniece]

Well that's no fun. And in that case [she slightly raises her voice, directing it out her office door and down the hall] I was definitely kidding!

[jolting]

[He lets out a little snort] How about this: you propose a historical reenactment of the grave-robbing scene in Frankenstein. It'd go along with your Halloween thing.

Probably not as fun as the law-breaking kind, but you'd get the city's endorsement and people might have fun acting as me and Igor.

[partiallysquirrelblood]

[Well, she tried. Doreen would probably let some squirrels know to keep an eye on the graveyards just in case, though.]

[Meanwhile. in the present, Tippy-Toe looks about as offended as a squirrel can look. Which is actually super-offended.]

I don't need animal control. Tippy's a friend.

[satansniece]

Wow, so, you're pretty old school huh? [She looks skeptical, but it's not actually a bad idea. It's in the middle of coming up with a snappy comeback involving The Human Centipede when exactly what he just said registers. Her eyes widen slightly, then narrow.]

I mean I guess it'd be cool to organize a reenactment that doesn't have anything to do with genocide. Grave robbing would be a real step up, all things considered.

[satansniece]

[In all honesty, the squirrel is kind of cute, but she's committed to the joke now.]

Well, you can't say I didn't try to help you. At least medical care is free here. Are you aware of the symptoms of rabies, just in case?

[jolting]

Yeah, you could say that.

[He smirks a bit] Not into the waterpark? You can always wait for next month's festival.

[satansniece]

I was referring to my hometown and its the lingering fascination with battles between settlers and natives, but a genocide themed waterpark sounds cool.

[She gives a little smile back.] What if I don't want to wait? Frankenstein strikes me as a good summertime story.

[jolting]

Guess I just assumed you meant you didn't like this month's festival, and that's why you wanted the Halloween stuff instead.

It was actually around Christmas, but you're free to celebrate it all year if you want.

[satansniece]

I just got here, I honestly have no idea what's going on. [She doesn't really give herself enough credit for how much she figured out her first day or two, and shrugs casually.] I figured my time was better spent working on future plans than trying to catch up with all the stupid stuff other people came up with.

[April nods, looking amused.] The gift that keeps on giving. Are you going to help me cast this thing since you're so obsessed?

[jolting]

Nope. Isn't it more fun for people to grab a shovel and jump in?

And I believe you were the one asking for suggestions. I just figured to help out with some insider knowledge.

[satansniece]

I guess. [She's not... actually great at this, and it's kind of stressing her out that she doesn't have Leslie to fall back on - but fake it 'til you make it, right...?]

Most of the reenactments I've ever seen have people in pretty specific roles, though. If you've got so much insider knowledge maybe you can help out. [She pauses a moment, lowering her voice.] You were pulling my leg before, right? When you said "me and Igor?"

[partiallysquirrelblood]

There's never been a documented case of a squirrel bite transmitting rabies to a human. Doctors don't even treat for it unless there's been an outbreak of rabies, and even tnen it's just precautionary.

[jolting]

Well, that's what I meant about insider knowledge. Because I actually did this. Igor wasn't with me, but I don't really think people will care that much about being completely accurate.

[satansniece]

Well, there's a first time for everything. [She eyes the squirrel, and flashes a rare smile.]

Just doing my civic duty. What kind of Assistant Director would I be if I didn't look out for the good citizens of the quarantine?