video | @snakehole

[satansniece]

What's up, Riverview?

[The feed turns on and there's April in her boring office, at her boring job for the boring government, being so incredibly bored that she's actually decided to do some real work. Who knew? Unfortunately, she's done about all she can do that doesn't involve actually interacting with other people, so she begrudgingly takes to the network.]

I'm April, I'm new, and for whatever reason, I get to do this now. [She points the lens at a new looking placard that reads "Assistant Director of Cultural Development." As she pans back to her face, she's still rolling her eyes.] I guess it kind of makes sense since I did a lot of this stuff working for the parks department back in Indiana, but there wasn't exactly a ton of culture going on there beyond harvest festivals, cult meetings, and farmers markets, so I might need a little input here. [She pauses, seemingly deep in thought for a brief moment, spinning her chair around slowly.] I'd say if anything, I'd really like to carry over planning meetings for any cults that might be interested in our city services.

I guess since it's going to be my job to help organize events and holidays and stuff, they'll probably want me to have a good idea of what everyone actually wants to see happening around here. [She wrinkles her nose, displeased at the idea of having to actually care what it is that people want, let alone hear about it. Maybe the people here aren't as horrible as they are in Pawnee, but she isn't holding her breath.]

My personal favorite is Halloween, and I don't really see why we should wait to celebrate it considering we're in a different reality, so my first proposal would be impromptu trick-or-treating, light mischief, and maybe a pizza party followed by some casual grave robbing. I'm open to suggestions, though.

Comments

[partiallysquirrelblood]

Maybe not grave-robbing? If this place is anything like home it'd probably end with the dead rising from those graves to wreak a terrible vengeance upon the living, and that would suck.

Chutt chkutt chtt.

You're right, Tippy-Toe, it would end up being her responsibility clean it up because it was her idea in the first place.

[satansniece]

Hmm, agree to disagree about that sucking, but your feedback is appreciated and noted. [She scribbles something on a sticky note and promptly throws it in the trash.]

Did you need to call animal control? I think that's a different department.

[partiallysquirrelblood]

[Well, she tried. Doreen would probably let some squirrels know to keep an eye on the graveyards just in case, though.]

[Meanwhile. in the present, Tippy-Toe looks about as offended as a squirrel can look. Which is actually super-offended.]

I don't need animal control. Tippy's a friend.

[satansniece]

[In all honesty, the squirrel is kind of cute, but she's committed to the joke now.]

Well, you can't say I didn't try to help you. At least medical care is free here. Are you aware of the symptoms of rabies, just in case?

[partiallysquirrelblood]

There's never been a documented case of a squirrel bite transmitting rabies to a human. Doctors don't even treat for it unless there's been an outbreak of rabies, and even tnen it's just precautionary.

[satansniece]

Well, there's a first time for everything. [She eyes the squirrel, and flashes a rare smile.]

Just doing my civic duty. What kind of Assistant Director would I be if I didn't look out for the good citizens of the quarantine?

@frankenstein

[jolting]

[He chuckles] I don't know the kind of grave-robbing you do, but when I did it, it was hardly casual.

[satansniece]

[Now you're talking, Riverview]

A few small-time jobs here and there, mostly just for fun. [Ok ok, she's never actually robbed a grave in her life, but this is interesting.] Like I said, I'm open to suggestions.

[jolting]

Yeah, I can't say I've done it for fun before, either. Would you just put the dirt back in after you've dug to the coffin? At the very least I imagine you'd take pictures and maybe some light graffiti.

[You've already dug them up so more desecration can't hurt, right?]

[satansniece]

Nah, back in my town we could pretty much blame anything on the raccoons, so we'd just leave it. [This is actually not an exaggeration at all. April taps her temple with an index finger.] Plausible deniability.

I like where your head's at, though. [She actually writes down "pictures" and "graffiti" and sticks the note to the bulletin board behind her.]

[jolting]

Hm. Too bad the raccoon population isn't that high around here.

Ah... we are just joking, right? [Hey, he's robbed some graves, but it was for a reason]

[satansniece]

Yeah, too bad. [It's not, really. Not after growing up in Pawnee.]

Are we? I thought I was pretty clear about this being serious government business.

[jolting]

Okay. Then I guess they can't arrest you when you do it.

audio un:pnwsalex

[11calls]

[Oh no, Alex is amazingly fond of sarcastic people, and this woman definitely has it. So clearly the two of them need to be friends or whatever. Because yeah. So, you can almost hear the smile in Alex's voice when she speaks.]

Well, grave robbing would probably get a bit messy, I would think. Also there'd be so many gas masks you'd need to find because of the quarantine. Seems like a lot of work, honestly. Especially if you're robbing the corpses of ghosts that happen to be around here, like there were last October!

The other ideas sound good though. But hi! I'm Alex Reagan and I'll probably be talking to you pretty often as I work for the news service and we sometimes do things like advertising for events or whatever.

[satansniece]

[Finally, someone else who speaks her language.] Gas masks and ghosts... you realize you're not doing a great job of actually deterring me from any of this, right?

Wait, you're a journalist? [HER LIFELONG HERO JOAN CALLAMEZZO IS A JOURNALIST TOO. April actually smiles to herself, and it might even be evident in her tone.] Sounds good to me.

[11calls]

Well, I figure someone's got to be the one to mention it, even if it's so later I can say 'I told you so.'

[Alex is 99% teasing.]

But yeah, I'm a journalist. I'm an investigative reporter. I was one back home and I've been doing the same thing here for... god, nearly a year now.

[satansniece]

I can respect that. [Seriously] I'll be sure to let you know when I specifically get chased down by a ghost in a gas mask.

That's cool. [It's super fucking awesome, but she's not trying to be weird here.] Not the part where you've been stuck here for a year, but I guess there's plenty to investigate around here. It seems pretty messed up. [To say the least...]

[11calls]

If you can, let me know before you do it, so I can record it for the network.

[There's that grin in her voice again.]

It's messed up, but for the most part it's honestly okay. I mean, my last two investigations were pretty big ones, but this month seems to be slow, thankfully.

[satansniece]

Fair enough.

[It's impossible to contain the curiosity at this point, so she doesn't really bother playing it cool anymore]

So... what were the big ones? I want to know everything. Seriously.

@det.prettyboy; text

[causational]

They have something sort of like Halloween in October, but the celebrations could definitely use more candy.

text

[satansniece]

More candy, got it. And I'm getting the vibe that we need more Halloween in general, no?

video; @the.tetherer

[tetherer]

[With a very tense expression, perhaps too tense:]

I would highly recommend turning any cults that ask for your services away.

[satansniece]

[Whoa there. She must have hit a nerve.

Good.]

Why? They're pretty harmless where I'm from, and they make good cocktails.

[tetherer]

The only cult I know of here kidnapped and harmed many of us within the city. It's extremely important that you do not interact with them. They are very dangerous.

[satansniece]

[Oh.]

Jeez. The only ones we have back in Pawnee are pretty harmless, but, uh, thanks for the heads up.