video; stark

[inebriety]

[Tony has the Iron Man helmet with face plate up and one of the gauntlets on which he uses to wave at the camera. He's smiling brightly, but there are bags under his eyes and the flush to his cheeks are from more than just excitement.]

Some of you might remember a certain someone's offer to trade junk into something better. Please be sure to get the right guy because I don't work for scraps. If you have trouble telling us apart, other me is highly strung and a little sensitive.

[He taps his fingers against his chin.]

Perhaps we should change names as well. I was already thinking of rebranding Iron Man and getting a new paint job. And he can be... do you think he'd mind if I called him Greg? Or is that a little too morbid using a dead man's name? He'd have to dye his hair too, we look terrible in white otherwise...

[He picks up a bottle with his uncovered hand and takes a drink.]

Okay, it probably is. This silly event has got me maudlin I see.

Comments

[ikols]

Didn't realise I was chatting with the Hulk.

[inebriety]

[Hey.]

I have never eaten a person in my life.

[ikols]

[ Unexpectedly, he barks out a laugh. ]

[ikols]

Okay, but who was it he ate?

[inebriety]

Why would I keep track of his meals?

[There's been more than a few and that's a few too many.]

[ikols]

Is everyone you know this messed up? I'm genuinely interested. How do you all function as a group?

[inebriety]

Banner can rot in his cell for all I care, but the rest of us are adults who know how to work with others.

[Which is to say only Tony and Thor truly got along while the rest tolerated Tony.]

[ikols]

[ Flicking this to a private line before he asks, ]

How is the child in your head?

[inebriety]

[Loki gets the honour of being the first person to ever ask about Anthony after knowing he exists.]

I gave him a math problem, I don't let him hang around me with I'm in worse shape than usual.

[Suspiciously:]

Why?

[ikols]

You said it yourself, you're in worse shape than usual. There's someone in your head, just because no one else can see them doesn't mean they don't exist [ what irony to say those words, ] and you told me it was a child. It would be weirder if I didn't ask after him. I'm glad to hear he's not around.

I have a thought but it depend on whether he can pilot your armour without you inside it.

[inebriety]

You're the first.

[But hey, Tony is kind of touched that Loki asked. Anthony is a good kid and deserves more than what Tony can give him.]

And I trust him completely.

[Which is a huge step as he often holds something back.]

[ikols]

Asking decent questions is difficult. People don't like doing it. [ Which could explain why Loki is the first, but then again he has a unique perspective shared only with the child in Stark's head. ] Anyway,

[ Moving this on!! ]

I was thinking of setting up an assault course in the sky for the boy to take to when you need time alone. His independence in the suit would be better for both of you if he was so distracted he could very nearly leave you alone for a while. Also, math problems are boring.

[inebriety]

[Tony feels like he should be a lot more suspicious, but he's too drunk to be able to consider the possibilities.]

Are you questioning my parenting skills?

[And that's a slip of the tongue he'll probably forget when he wakes up.]

[ikols]

[ ... An interesting choice of words and duly noted. ]

I'm saying that no young boy would vote to 'stay indoors', so to speak, when he could go out and play.

[inebriety]

He's a few months old he thinks everything is exciting.

[Don't make being a dad even harder by teaching him boredom!]

But I'll have to get back to you when I remember my address. I'm drinking on an empty stomach.

[ikols]

Cool, whatever. Talk to me when you've sobered on a toastie or five.

[ EAT BREAD. And he ends the call with a nod. ]