First Ax [@the.boneless, video]

[ragnarsson]

[It's clear whoever is using this device is unused to it. The picture shifts around for a few minutes, and Ivar's face furrowed in concentration is seen several times before he finally realizes that it's on. He's sixteen, has blue eyes, and oddly enough, blue sclera as well. There's also an ax tucked at his side. He points the phone he's using outward, showing that he's in the kitchen, seated on a chair. His voice, when he speaks, has a vaguely European accent.] I have figured out what these do.

[He shows in turn the fridge, the sink, and the stove. The last one had caused a few burnt fingers, but hey, he'll survive.] But I still have no idea what this does. [He turns the device to the microwave. He's been playing around with the buttons, and while he's been able to turn it on, he hasn't yet realized food is supposed to go inside of it.] Anyone care to enlighten me?

Comments

[ragnarsson]

Sounds interesting. [Now his curiosities are perked. He leans over and starts rummaging through the drawers for some silverware. He holds up three forks and a spoon.] Is that enough?

[bespredel]

Adequate. [ Yuri nods his approval, assessing the silverware in question. Good thing it isn't plastic, or anything- although speaking of which, if he really wants to fuck this microwave up... ]

If you can find something plastic- a water bottle, or a disposable food container of some kind, you can put the silverware in or over it. For better results.

[ragnarsson]

Hold on. [The video turns sideways and then up as Ivar slides off the chair. He leaves his phone where it is while he looks for plastic wear like Yuri suggested. He finds a water bottle and sticks everything in there.]

Now do I just stick it all in there and press some buttons?

[bespredel]

Specific buttons. The numbers set the time that it will spark for. The longer the better. There's a large button at the bottom that says 'start', you will push that last, once everything is inside.

[ He sounds so genuine and helpful, no hint of anything to make the other think he's being goaded into some sort of prank. In honesty, Yuri's a little excited about it. He'd always wanted to do this himself, but hadn't really wanted to deal with the consequences. ]

[ragnarsson]

[Well, here goes nothing. Ivar sticks it all in the microwave, presses a few buttons till it seems like enough, and then hits start. For a few seconds, nothing happens. Then the metal starts to spark. That's interesting to look at until a buzzing sound emits from the microwave. Now, Ivar knows nothing about the machine, but that doesn't sound right.]

Is it supposed to be making that sound?

[bespredel]

Yup. [ It's all that Yuri can do to keep from looking immensely pleased. But if he does, he knows that will be it. Game over. ]

Just give it a little more time. [ He wants to see what happens next. ]

[ragnarsson]

Uh-huh. [Ivar continues to watch the microwave, fascinated by the display of sparks and jolts happening within. Then the plastic begins to warp and disfigure before a small portion of it lights completely on fire. That makes him jump a little in his seat, but it's not enough to dissuade him from trying to turn the machine off.] Fascinating. [He mutters as the now on-fire concoction continues to spin around in the microwave.]

[bespredel]

Right? [ Yuri agrees, glued to his screen and so glad that he'd managed to get the other to carry through with this little experiment. He'd tell the other to shut it off soon enough, before the fire got too out of control... ]

You should probably hit the 'stop' button now, though. You've started the fire, just like I said.

[ragnarsson]

[Stopping it before the fire got bigger was probably a smart idea. He didn't want to end up burning down half the kitchen trying to experiment. He hits a few buttons until he finds the stop. The tray inside grinds to a halt, the plastic still smoldering. Ivar grabs a dishrag sitting on the counter, opens the door, and beats it until it was dead.]

That was a good idea. [Only these two would consider lighting something on fire a good idea, but hey, it took all sorts.]

[bespredel]

I told you I knew what I was talking about. [ Yuri smirks, looking pleased with the result of this little... prank? Experiment? He isn't sure which. Whatever, it was entertaining. ]

You can cook food and other shit in it too. Apparently if you put a live hamster in one it'll explode, but I can't say I'm that much of a sadist to have tried that one myself. [ Phichit would never forgive him if he'd ever tried something like that. ]

[ragnarsson]

You're the second person to tell me not to put an animal inside it. Is this something people do often? [Seriously, people from other worlds were weird. And that seemed mean to do to a defenseless animal. This from the teenager who killed people on a regular basis.]

[bespredel]

I wouldn't say often, but there were probably experiments. I know some woman liquified her insides to discover microwaves in the first place, so don't run it with the door open. [ Not that you can, because safety features. But who knows, maybe this place doesn't worry about shit like that. ]

[ragnarsson]

Hmm, liquefied their insides, you say? [Yuri, stop giving the psychopathic Viking ideas. And just ignore that look on his face. It means nothing good.]

[bespredel]

Yeah. Or I think so anyway, I'd have to look it up again. Either way, microwaves mean nothing good for tissues you don't want to cook.

[ He doesn't seem particularly perturbed or concerned by the look; although maybe he should be. Oops? ]

[ragnarsson]

I'll keep that in mind while using it.

[It cooks food and it's possibly a weapon. He likes this device a lot!]

[bespredel]

That would be smart. Good to know you've got something knocking around between your ears. Most here don't.

[ragnarsson]

I consider that a high compliment. I'm the only one in my family to ever do any thinking.

[His brothers might object to that statement, but hey, Ivar was the one planning out battle strategies when all they wanted to do was attack, attack, and more attack.]

[bespredel]

And I'm sure the rest of your family thinks the same thing.

[ Yuri is amused, though. Not trying to be actively insulting for once. There's a little bit of kinship earned, since the other also likes to see things lit on fire... ]

[ragnarsson]

The general level of thinking for Vikings is "Will this person die if I stab them?" If the answer is yes, continue on until everyone is dead and you can take all the riches left in the area.

[Raiding, killing, and taking everyone in the area for slaves was about all the priorities they had. Ivar preferred to have a little more motivation. Like, say, burning a country to the ground for revenge.]

[bespredel]

Sounds like everything I've ever heard about vikings. [ A pause, and Yuri drums his fingers against his knee for a moment. ]

So you're a real, actual viking? Axes and scalping and boats and funeral pyres? [ It's weird to think how vastly different the times and places people here can come from, but it doesn't stop Yuri from also wanting to learn more, and more. ]

[ragnarsson]

All of that and more. Just no horned helmets.

[He doesn't know where that stereotype started, but he's heard it from several people now, so he's determined to dispel with that myth.]

[bespredel]

Well that's a huge fucking disappointment. Why the hell not? And sing opera, while you're at it. Get it right. [ The sarcasm was so, so real. Still- maybe Ivar could bring the fashion of horned helmets back with him... ]

[ragnarsson]

[Ivar snorts and rolls his eyes, close to laughing.]

The only purpose horns have is to drink out of them. Or, you know, stab someone with them. Where do you come from so that I can judge you on what you lack?

[bespredel]

Russia. Not that you'd know where the hell that is, I suppose. I'll have to get you a map. [ He's mostly joking, though. He's certainly not jumping up to get one now, anyway. ]

Famed for ballerinas, ice skating, and bears. [ Anything else Yuri could mention, Ivar probably wouldn't know what it was anyway. Like hockey or the KGB. Only after he has said it, does Yuri realize- he probably won't know what ice skating or ballerinas are, either. ]

I'm Yuri, by the way.

[ragnarsson]

They probably called it something different where I'm from. [Kievan Rus', not that the Vikings paid much attention to it until the mid-800s. If Ivar lived that long, he'd probably lead some of the first raids himself.]

What are ballerinas? [Ice skating and bears he gets. They actually do have ice skating in its most primitive form in his time, though it's like comparing apples and oranges when held up against the competitive figure-skating of the twenty-first century.]

Ivar Ragnarsson. Sometimes called Ivar The Boneless.

[Laugh at his nickname at your own peril, Yuri.]