First Ax [@the.boneless, video]

[ragnarsson]

[It's clear whoever is using this device is unused to it. The picture shifts around for a few minutes, and Ivar's face furrowed in concentration is seen several times before he finally realizes that it's on. He's sixteen, has blue eyes, and oddly enough, blue sclera as well. There's also an ax tucked at his side. He points the phone he's using outward, showing that he's in the kitchen, seated on a chair. His voice, when he speaks, has a vaguely European accent.] I have figured out what these do.

[He shows in turn the fridge, the sink, and the stove. The last one had caused a few burnt fingers, but hey, he'll survive.] But I still have no idea what this does. [He turns the device to the microwave. He's been playing around with the buttons, and while he's been able to turn it on, he hasn't yet realized food is supposed to go inside of it.] Anyone care to enlighten me?

Comments

[ikols]

[ Snorting, he points at Ivar. ]

You're very rude. Odin would sit on your head and turn it into flatbread! Splat! He's not even that big but he'd do it.

[ragnarsson]

I'm not rude. I'm honest!

[Like there's a difference between the two of them when he's a smart-mouthed teenager.]

What're you going to do, trickster? Turn me into a dog?

[ikols]

I turned Thor into a frog once, so you better show me some respect!

[ Sniffing snootily for show, he sticks his nose in the air and pulls a face. ]

At least ten offerings a day! No, twelve!

[ragnarsson]

[Ivar snorts. There's a reason Vikings liked Asgardians so much. They were just as flawed as the human beings that worshipped them.]

You'll be lucky if you get so much as a goat from me.

[Where he was even going to find livestock in such an urban setting was a better question.]

[ikols]

[ Pretending to sigh sadly, he perks up moments later. ]

Ah, well! I'm more of a bacon man, myself. You've had that, haven't you? It's pig, but excellent.

[ragnarsson]

Of course I've had bacon. Do I look like a poor farmer? My family could afford pigs to eat.

[He likes this easy banter with Loki. It reminds him of conversations with his brothers, sarcasm and quick wit tending to be the order of the day among the five of them. Ivar misses them more than he wants to admit.]

[ikols]

I have to check these things, they're important. Breakfast meats are practically sacrifices at dawn! With ketchup.

[ Gesturing because!! They're so good. (Someone is a little fond of a specific meal of the day.) ]

What about bacon pancakes?

[ragnarsson]

What's ketchup?

[Loki will have to introduce Ivar to the wonders of the modern world of cuisine. He's in a perpetual state of hunger being a teenager.]

Never had them. They sound both excessive and delicious.

[ikols]

I'll make some right now.

[ And he'll show off for Ivar in the process; waving his hands, the fridge swings open and everything he needs to make pancakes with floats over to the worktop surrounded in green light. It dies down when the items settle. ]

Ketchup ... mmm, we'll save that for tomorrow when we'll have a lesson on delicious condiments. For now, syrup will do just fine.

[ Heading over to turn on the oven, more food soars his way via telekinesis. Time to chop the bacon up as a pan melts that butter! ]

[ragnarsson]

[Ivar watches the whole process with wide eyes and there's a look of religious adoration at getting to experience it firsthand on his face. He's heard of magic in many stories, but he's never seen it in person before. With three magic users all on the same floor, he's going to have to get used to it.]

Are you doing this because you're hungry or because you want to show off?

[ikols]

A little bit of both, honestly. Feel special, I don't cook for just anyone.

[ A snap of his fingers and two eggs break into a bowl, whisking themselves unassisted. He does take joy in frying the bacon himself, however, keeping up his conversation with Ivar. ]

Why did you want to know about Tyr?

[ragnarsson]

I'm honored.

[Just because the words are sarcastic doesn't mean there's not some genuine feeling behind them. How many people can say they've had a god cook for them?]

My favorite story as a child was the one where Fenrir bit off his hand. My mother used to tell it to me when I couldn't sleep because the pain in my legs was too great.

[ikols]

Ah. [ Thought it might be the Hand Thing. Not mentioning that he's the reason Tyr lost it. ] You were born without the use of your legs, then? I'd imagined, as mean as you are, you were in a fight.

[ Tough cookie Ivar. ]

And admittedly, that the other person would have been left far worse off.

[ As in, dead. ]

[ragnarsson]

Yes. Many assume I must have lost use of them in battle, but I was never so lucky. I just had the misfortune of being born a cripple. That's where my nickname came from. Doesn't make for as good a story, but there you go.

[He does take note of Loki's assumptions in his fighting abilities. The god would be right. There's a reason the rest of the Ragnarssons are scared of him.]

Trust me, anyone who's ever assumed I was an easy target is now buried in their grave feeding the worms.

[ikols]

I don't doubt it, and I do trust you.

[ He'd like to give Ivar the chance to be trusted, at least. A number of Asgardians are violent and they were never clever at all, the Viking has something over them. ]

We should spar sometime. I won't use my swords, they're far too dangerous, but we'll find something suitable.

[ragnarsson]

I brought a few weapons with me. And there's some others at a training hall nearby. I can wield just about anything. My brothers and I always took time out to spar with each other. I made sure that I was as good as they were, even without my legs.

[He's had to work hard as he can to get where he is. He's actually a more accurate shot with arrows and axes than his brothers. The smell of the bacon frying up is delicious and a reminder to Ivar of just how hungry he is.]

[ikols]

[ The pancake batter sizzles as it hits the pan, a sprinkle of bacon bits added. Loki glances over. ]

You sound like me. 'If Thor can do it, I'll get it done twice as well!' Which is your favourite weapon to wield?

[ragnarsson]

Some things don't change whether you're a god or a human. Being the youngest of five means I had to learn how to keep up early or get left behind. [His brothers had learned early on that Ivar wasn't going to allow them to ignore him just because he couldn't walk. He was determined to tag along and do everything they did.]

The ax, since it's good for both close combat and for throwing. Nothing as satisfying as seeing someone go down stone cold dead with an ax in their chest. [This is where Ivar's instability is most present. He's got a bloodlust that even other Vikings can't match.]

[ikols]

Maybe I should tell you about how I slew an army of Angels.

[ Little Mr Rage might appreciate that story, loopy as he is for strife and murder. ]

Do you know what those are?

[ragnarsson]

Servants of the Christian god?

[All he knows about Christianity is what his mother and Floki have taught him, so his perspective is tainted with prejudice.]

[ikols]

You know, I've never met that god but I've dined with plenty of devils. Who can say if the Angels were his? He's never shown his face to me.

[ He wouldn't discount it. All mythoforms are real or have the potential to be back on Earth-616, it's simply an old irritation that one of the monotheistic religions is the reason no one thinks he's actually a god and instead terms him an alien at best. There is salt between Loki and Christianity, he simply chooses not to care, most of the time. A quiet life, on that topic, is better. ]

Thor was captured by the Queen, so I turned to tricks and convinced him I was a traitor. Easy for him to accept that, coming from me. The Queen, too, knew I was the God of Lies, so she took me in and delighted in my brother's torment.

I became a woman and infiltrated their ranks, which were similar to those of the Einherjar if it were purely women. Perhaps Valkyries would be a better visual, as Angels have enormous wings. [ Two pancakes are flipped onto a plate and drizzled in syrup, set before Ivar with a glass of apple juice. ] They called me the Mistress of Strategies. Long story short, these Angels wished to attack Asgard and slaughter all the children and babies within, so I fooled the entire fleet that soared through the stars into smashing against the magical wards that kept the realm safe.

I stabbed my lieutenant through the heart. She couldn't believe it when I told her that I didn't ask to be taken in by her Queen, I never wanted their generosity or kindness, and that I already had a family.

I freed Odin and we returned to rescue Thor.

[ An oversimplified version but a true one. ]

You have five brothers so you understand what it is to hate them sometimes, to fight and argue, but to hate more those who would seek to hurt them because they are your family.

[ragnarsson]

[Ivar listens to Loki's tale with shining eyes. Here's a story like the ones he grew up on, a tale of the gods where they get into trouble, and the trickster has to outwit a stronger foe to rescue them. The pancakes are forgotten for a moment as he listens to the conclusion of Loki's tale. He'll have to carry that one back home. Floki would have loved to hear it.]

I admit there's been times where I want to put one of their heads on a pike. [Mainly Sigurd and Bjorn. The two of them just had a talent for infuriating him.] But I'd never let anyone hurt them. Not after what happened to my parents. They're all I have left.

[He stabs a pancake with his fork and bites into it.]

[ikols]

[ Watching Ivar for a long moment, Loki takes his own plate to nibble on pancakes next to him. Meaty and sweet. ]

Tell me a tale about yourself. Anything. Something of which you're proud to talk.

[ragnarsson]

After Odin told us all that our father was dead, we knew we had to avenge him. We formed an army bigger than any that had come before and sailed to England. King Aelle met us on the battlefield, but the fool had underestimated our numbers. My brothers and I led the charge. Even I got to be in the battle. Floki-- did I tell you about him? A boatbuilder who's one of your descendants-- he built me a chariot so I could participate. After we defeated him, we dragged him behind the chariot all the way to where he killed my father. Then we blood eagled him. He screamed the entire time. I was looking right into his eyes when he finally died.

[He looks positively gleeful as he recounts the memories. For the first time in his life, Ivar had a great purpose to fulfill. He was well on his way to doing so. One king was dead and soon another would follow.]

[ikols]

He must have feared you very much. [ Aelle, that is. Floki sounds like a smart guy if he's building boats to get his people around the world. ] When you go back, what will you do next?