video | un: iron.man

[buildsomething]

[Tony's in his workroom, look surprised. His expression is deadpan, but there's something almost pleased underneath it. An almost imperceptible loosening of the tension that's always there in the set of his shoulders.]

So I know we're all well aware that this place is weird as hell, but does stuff just like. Turn up sometimes? Your stuff, I mean. From home.

[As he's talking, a metal arm pops into view behind him. The claw at the front of the arm clicks together once, then starts slowly creeping forward like it's trying to peer at the camera over Tony's shoulder. It's about the least subtle thing imaginable, considering the robot's sheer size, but Tony seems to be quite comfortably ignoring it.

At least until the claw nearly knocks right into the camera and Tony has to move it out of the way like he's holding it out of the range of a toddler. The robot arm is still taking up most of the image now, though. When Tony's voice comes again, it's more than a little resigned.]

'Cause this definitely mine. Unfortunately.

Comments

[buildsomething]

Charming is definitely not a descriptor I would use.

[He glances at Dum-E out of the corners of his eyes. The robot has apparently discovered something interesting on his desk and is impressively failing to pick it up.]

[nostalgiabomb]

[ Peter snorts. ]

To be fair, "charming" is definitely being generous.

[ Elle kind of sucked.

... That whole movie kind of sucked. Even David Hasselhoff couldn't save it. ]

So was this your attempt at rigging a claw game gone horribly awry, or—?

[buildsomething]

He was supposed to be an assistant. He sort of manages. Sometimes.

[nostalgiabomb]

Well, he's cute. In a bumbling, doesn't-realize-how-big-he-is sort of way.

[ Much like a dog. ]

He got a name?

[buildsomething]

Dum-E. And yes, he deserves it.

[nostalgiabomb]

Eesh. [ And Peter almost winces at that. ] That's kinda judgey.

Why don't you just, like, reprogram him?

[buildsomething]

I'm a judgmental guy. But that's what his name is.

Because then he wouldn't be Dum-E.

[As if that makes perfect sense.]

[nostalgiabomb]

So I'm guessin' that means you don't mind all the collateral damage while he's, uh. Assisting you.

[buildsomething]

I can fix most of the things he breaks. And he can be useful. Occasionally.

[nostalgiabomb]

[ Peter lets out a low whistle. ]

With a glowing review like that, I can see why you keep him around. I mean, the way you talk him up, I’m starting to wonder why every home doesn’t have its own Dum-E.

[buildsomething]

Probably because he's proprietary tech.

[Yes, he knows it's sarcasm. He's ignoring that.]

[nostalgiabomb]

Probably for the best.

Sophisticated AI like that is bound to put you guys on the fast track to a singularity.

[buildsomething]

Probably.

That's why I usually have an actual AI riding herd on him, but I'm still going over his code to make sure it's all in one piece.

[nostalgiabomb]

[ A pause. Then, ]

Please tell me the AI’s called SkyNet.

[ Peter shouldn’t be excited by this prospect but, hey, there he goes. ]

[buildsomething]

No. And not HAL either, before you start.

[Never heard that one before.]

He's JARVIS, if you really want to know.

[nostalgiabomb]

[ A beat. Then, ]

JARVIS.

[ Less mocking, more trying it on for size. ]

Sounds classy.

[buildsomething]

Well, he's a classy kind of guy.

[nostalgiabomb]

And your AI buddy showed up out of the blue along with your crane game buddy?

[buildsomething]

Well JARVIS was on a harddrive, but yeah. Not exactly like I could ask someone to fedex them from a different dimension.

[nostalgiabomb]

So, what, did Dum-E over there knock on your door, hat and hard drive in... [ uh. ] ...claw, just like, “Hey, what’s up, Dad?”

[buildsomething]

One of the perimeter guard told me they had something for me. Presumably they came through the portal.

[nostalgiabomb]

And they're for sure yours? They're not, like, from a similar but different universe, where literally everything is the same, except everyone has goatees and darker eye shadow and also they're evil?

[buildsomething]

I'm sure. [So very dry.]

I know my own work, believe me.

[nostalgiabomb]

[ Peter holds up a hand in a sort of placating gesture. ]

Hey. Just saying, this place is weird.

[buildsomething]

Oh, I'm well aware. The fact that they showed up at all is a pretty good indicator.