riverview | video, @RuffRabbit

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video, @RuffRabbit

[For the first time since he's gotten here, months ago--He's actually posting a video instead of leaving cryptic or weird texts he expects people to understand without any real explanations.

At first, however, the videofeed is quiet, except for the faint whirring of machines. With a press to one of the holographic keyboards near him, the image of a tall man flickers to life.

He looks every bit like the real version of a man who used to be here--if anyone had the privilege of meeting him. Ozymandias, King of Kings--an apparent pharaoh who had been called here 'against his will.'

Another press of a button, and the man speaks, though most notable is a peal of heartfelt laughter.

A strange look flickers across Noiz' usually emotionless face, and he shakes his head.]

If someone who was dead before they got here leave...

I wonder where they go.

[In Noiz' weird way, one might be able to recognise the feeling of loss he's having trouble trying to process.]

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[ Oh, shit. That's right. Feverish... that's probably not something he can feel very well. ]

There's other symptoms! Like elevated heart rate and respiration!

[ Aoba's making this sound too medical, but that's only because he thinks it a) makes him sound less flustered than the topic clearly makes him and b) is easier than telling him some other embarrassing confession. But more importantly, he realizes he's trying way too hard to prompt Noiz into telling him that ever-elusive phrase, the very thing he keeps chasing after but doesn't want to force. Realizing this only heightens his embarrassment.

So he chickens out, puffing out his cheeks as he sulks. It's exactly as mature as it sounds. ]

Tch. Fine, I get it, I get really bent out of shape about this kind of thing. Stop rubbing it in.

[ He thinks he's being teased about it. ]

[He takes a moment to stare at the other as he admits he's getting 'bent out of shape'. His expression, the way he's responding... it's coming off as sulky and irritated now, too.

A hand moves up to touch his chin, thoughtfully, as he seems to compute this response, and what he might have said to make the other feel like he was 'rubbing it in'.

He shakes his head, and he raises it again to look straight at the other.]

Sorry.

That's not what I was trying to do.

[Surprise, he wasn't teasing you.]

[ He's waiting for him to tease him, or laugh, or make some disdainful sound at his foolishness and lack of logic but it never comes. ]

...You're not?

[ This whole conversation is... different. It's not unusual for Noiz to approach the nuances of connecting with others and how it feels as if it were some alien thing, but generally he wouldn't seem this interested. ]

You don't think any of this sounds stupid?

[He knows it's weird. To put in effort where he normally doesn't. But he's... trying to understand these things. Emotions he's never experienced, nuances that may as well have been alien to him.

It's like re-writing how his brain is coded, except he isn't well adapted to the sort of coding necessary for this sort of re-work. He's needed help for so long, and now that he's finally getting it...]

No.

It's different. Strange, sometimes.

But it doesn't sound stupid.

It's not like... I mean you haven't felt those kinds of things before, right?

[ Aoba instantly regrets saying it for the ache that stretches out from his stomach to his heart, but it's a fact of their life now. As much as he'd love nothing more to know his feelings aren't unrequited, he knows that this is something he doesn't want to force. Somehow, knowing what he has with him sometime in Noiz' potential future, and what he has now... he feels like using Scrap would be risky and selfish. ]

I'm just glad you don't think it's stupid, I mean - those feelings are really strong ones...

[ Aoba mumbles, trying to sound threatening and failing spectacularly. ]

It'd be bad if you teased me for having them, you know.

Most of them. I felt a few new things when I'd taken that potion.

[Things he didn't have a name for, feelings he'd never experienced before and needed a bit of help putting a name on. Things like that.

This conversation was something that was helping him put a name to those feelings, so...]

I'm not teasing you for them.

I want to understand them, too.

So I know when they happen to me.

[He raises his gaze, piercing, hawklike. A gaze that would almost stare straight through the other.]

I was serious about what I said before.

[ Ah, right. That potion.

It was meant to enhance sensation in the presence of soulmates, but in Noiz' case it made him actually feel. That had been a day of new experiences and Aoba was infinitely glad to have been a part of them, borne witness to them whereas before he was left behind, only to see a different Noiz emerge from the silent backdrop that had become... well, their relationship put on hold.

It was incredible, but Aoba can't help but feel like he squandered it somehow when the effect wore off unexpectedly. But then again, who can really prepare for that kind of scenario, really? ]

... [ Aoba falls silent, an obvious hush draping over him like a blanket. He's holding his breath for fear of asking Noiz if he's felt it yet. He doesn't want to ask because if he says 'no', his heart will break again. ]

Serious? [ He instantly thinks of that promise made amongst the heavy cloud of steam and that rush of water in the shower. That time when he said he wanted to learn how to feel how Aoba did. ]

About what?

[He doesn't have to think about this answer, or take long to explain it.

It's simple, and about time he said it, even if his brain was taking its time in fine-tuning the details.]

About being in love with you.

[He's figured it out.]

[ ... ]

[ Oh. There it is, that coveted 'love confession' thing he has been going on without, daring to use the term 'boyfriend' without any true formality. It was ]

D-dummy, you're supposed to say these kinds of things in a more intimate setting.

[ Aoba grumbles, but he looks really happy? ]

But since you've already gone and said it... I'm... really overjoyed because... because I've been in love with you since we both arrived in quarantine.

[In a more intimate setting.

Right, that's true. He shakes his head. It was kind of stupid to do it over the network, where everyone could see, right?
This is where you're supposed to apologise but instead of using simple, kind of stupid words like that...]

...Are you busy right now?

[His expression has changed, it's more of a smile than what the other would be used to seeing Noiz wear--at least 'since they'd arrived' here.]

I want to see you.

[And say it properly.]

R-right now... Um. I'm not... busy.

[ Aoba's smile wobbles off his face, of course he'd say that. Abruptly and boldly. Right where anyone could see. And yes, he might just be messaging Noiz from the other room for all he knows, Noiz tends to be quiet when he's not in his immediate presence and even then... ]

I'm in my room. [ Goofing off on the network. ]

Are you home? I can come out if you want.

I am home.

Just give me a moment.

[Vague, as Noiz often is, but there's an odd look on his face as he looks away from the camera. Apprehension? Or perhaps he's actually far more shy than he'd let on.

He nods his head, though.]

I'd like to see you. [Again.]

[ Now that's a strange reaction. Typically Noiz is the kind of man who is annoyingly sure of himself. He rarely flusters, stalls or appears as if he's ever second-guessed himself for a moment. Even when he's studying someone carefully, there's a sort of silent hostility, as if he's just patiently indulging another's pointless waste of time.

But he seems... nervous. ]

Noiz...

Are you... getting cold feet?

[His stomach makes a strange flip, one that he wouldn't be able to describe if he tried. But he does most certainly shake his head. Lucky for Aoba, he does recognise that saying. Cold feet...

No. That wasn't it, at all.]

I know what I want.

I'm not going back on it.

[A pause, and his eyes dart away.]

It's more difficult to say it in person.

[Shy. It's hard to recognise with Noiz' alien emotions, but he's shy.
Leaving Aoba in silence for three months before whisking him off to Germany...

He had reasons other than getting his life in order, after all.]

[ Aoba reaches for the door, intending to step out in front of Noiz, but instead he just waits. Those are words that he really relates to. He rests his forehead on the door and listens. ]

...I know.

[ Better than anyone, probably. ]

I second guess myself, I get nervous... I feel like no matter what I say it's just going to sound stupid.

It's hard.

[When Noiz speaks again, the sound will have an odd, layered effect--an odd echo that just clearly says one thing: That Noiz is standing out in the hallway, close enough that both his voice in the hall and over the line can be heard.]

...I usually don't care if things come out as stupid.

[Which is true. He always says things without thinking, not caring what others might say. but for this...
it's far more important to say what's right, and the right way. He can't just blurt it out. He's already learnt that, what with how he'd already messed up by saying it over the network like that.]

I want to do this properly.

...

[ Aoba hears the slight echo effect distantly, but doesn't register it. He's feeling restless and slightly impatient - not at Noiz necessarily. Aoba lifts his head and looks at the door, he shouldn't be nervous about this and yet his heart is racing. Is this just anticipation doing this to him, winding him up? Why am I getting so dramatic about this?!?

It's no use overthinking it, he should just face him. ]

Okay, I'm coming out, then.

[ The door clicks as he turns the handle, and he opens it to face Noiz who from the sounds of it is standing just outside. ]

[He looks up from his communicator when there's the subtle 'click' of the doorknob being turned. He can feel his throat drying out, just a little bit--but he stands firm where he's settled, and his eyes face the door with that usual steely expression he wears.

Fingers curl a little against themselves as their eyes meet, and it's not subtle, the way his lips curl up a little in a bit of a smile.]

Hey.

[Yeah, because that's the proper way to start this. Be better than that.

He raises a hand, waving it, lightly, in a motion towards himself.]

Come here.

[ Likewise Aoba's chest tightens up, his throat suddenly feeling too constrained, like a thread was wound around it and closing it off inch by inch. He takes a steadying breath and steps out of his room.

Part of him half-expected to find Noiz doing something ridiculous, something that would break the tension and make him slam the door in his face, flustering him for the rest of the day. But Noiz looks so calm and irritatingly confident despite how he was so clearly nervous a moment ago. ]

...You have a lot of nerve, looking this cool right now.

Weren't you nervous not too long ago?

[He should have expected that kind of an accusation, but. The others' observations and what's actually going on in Noiz' head doesn't exactly match up.

His lips curl up a little bit, and he reaches to take Aoba's hand.

Fingers curl against the others', and it'll become apparent within a few moments that while Noiz looks perfectly cool and calm...

He's shivering, as if he's cold. For someone who can't feel temperatures, it should be telling enough, even as he doesn't speak.]

[ He can feel that slight tremor in his normally steady hands. It gives him reason to be alarmed except... Noiz doesn't usually feel cold or hot. Sometimes he'll say 'this is a bit warm' but by that point he's probably broiling, so this isn't normal.

Ah, so he is nervous. No, scared? ]

...Noiz?

[ Aoba looks up from Noiz' hand, searching his stoic expression. Then he reaches out to put his hands on either side of his face. ]

[Maybe the first glimpse in that Noiz might not always be as calm and cool-headed as he appears. As alien as he is with his emotions, showing when he's struggling is something he's almost allergic to. Growing up in a rich family where showing emotion was weakness doesn't help either.

When the other says his name, his eyes flick up to look the other in the eyes. The others' hands on his face an odd action, but if anything, it helped anchor him in place.]

...I've never loved anyone before.

[He starts, calmly--but his fingers curl against his palms, nails biting in.]

I want to make sure... that I'm doing it right. You deserve that.

[ Aoba's concern just grows and grows, he's not used to seeing Noiz like this. He brushes his hair and stokes his cheek with his thumb, all comforting gestures but equally as useless - Noiz can't feel any of them. ]

Okay. That's okay!

[ Aoba wants to say 'you're doing fine' but that sounds weird even to him. ]

I'm sorry, I made you worry...

It was because I said 'do it properly', right?

Maybe.

[Maybe it did have something to do with the others' words. He didn't see the point in lying here--so he won't. He closes his eyes for a moment before reaching up to touch the hand that's on his cheek. Letting his fingers curl together with the others'.]

But it's me, too.

I love you.

And doing something to screw that up.
To chase you away, someone who's wormed his way in when I tried to keep you out...

Haha.

I'd never forgive myself.

[His usually short-worded, brusque tone is replaced, now--he's speaking with more clarity than he's had in a long time.
And not once does he look away.]

video, @RuffRabbit

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