7 [@dodger//video//forward-dated to 1/16]

[smokedout]

[This is another one of those posts where Dodger starts off playing music without explaining anything. The song he plays in particular is a slow tune, earnest and emotional. His voice is gruff from lack of use, or perhaps his perpetual hangover, but he's still a talented musician at the end of the day. The guitar he's playing has stickers on it that some may recognize as fan merchandise for Eichi Tenshouin, and a malinois with a black and purple collar is sleeping with its head on his knee during the song.

When the song ends, he sits there quietly for a while before reaching to light a cigarette. He snaps his fingers to light them, and uses that in place of a lighter. Another pause, before he finally speaks.]

I'm 26 today. And sure, I was gonna make this the unholy mess you were all hoping for, but fuck it, y'know? What's the point of acting like I'm better than anyone else if I don't even believe it...

I'm not planning any sorta celebration. Won't say no to presents. Guessing no one cares enough, though, right? Whatever. No one's looking at this.

[Welcome to the pity party, population: Dodger.]

Comments

[specifications]

[ Arthur raises a brow at that but just shrugs a shoulder, looking off camera for a moment and then back, ]

I mean, if it is your birthday, you can spend it the way you want.

[ Even if that means being a sad sack in public. ]

I'm assuming you don't like celebrating it. Or is it just because you're here?

[smokedout]

It's a long story, alright? Short version is... I don't like how old I'm turning. Figured I'd be dead by now, getting another birthday feels like a joke going on past the punchline.

[He starts noodling on his guitar while they talk, just creating some pleasant background noise so he feels slightly less like crap.]

Just because I wasn't planning to celebrate, though, doesn't mean I'm opposed to one. Just so happens I got no one to celebrate with.

[specifications]

[ Surprisingly enough, Arthur can identify with that. "Retirement" isn't something he's really considered for himself. Even imagining what he would do after somehow getting Dom back home hadn't crossed his mind. It shows on his face, comes through in his voice, looking away from the feed again but still addressing the other man. ]

Yeah. I know how that feels.

[ A beat. ]

Both counts, to be honest.

[ Though the latter is usually because he doesn't tell people when his birthday is. ]

[smokedout]

Everyone here calls themselves friendly and helpful 'til they see someone like me... then they judge. Just like back home.

[He shrugs loosely.]

And that's the kicker, really - you tell people you wanna be different and they say sure, be whoever you wanna be, no one else'll know better. Make new friends, go new places. But they don't tell you about the steps to get there, the way everyone thinks you're faking it and pretending to be good because you are, because you got no fucking idea how to connect with anyone. 'Cause you never had to.

[He plays a sour note and lets out a small huff, pausing his playing before starting again.]

And somehow everyone that saw some good in me keeps disappearing while the fucker that makes my life a living hell sticks around. What a fucking joke, right?

[specifications]

[ There's a lot of what he says that resonates with Arthur. Especially the 'got no fucking idea how to connect with anyone' bit. It's what causes him to be quiet for a long moment after the other has stopped talking. ]

If changing was easy, everyone would do it.

And yeah, sounds about right. The universe enjoys its jokes at our expense and then some.

[smokedout]

You're telling me.

[He stops playing his guitar, and just tips his head back.]

What about you, what's your deal?

[specifications]

[ His brows go up even though Jamie can't see it, ]

My "deal"?