riverview | θ → ( 𝗏𝗂𝖽𝖾𝗈 ) un; ghostking

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θ → ( 𝗏𝗂𝖽𝖾𝗈 ) un; ghostking

[ it's late, but the stars are shining and the moon is big enough to reveal that nico is once again in the graveyard, sitting atop a gravestone as he munches some fries. his legs swing back and forth. with his mouth full, he pauses and regards the feed. ]

I've been doing a lot of thinking. Mostly about the future. So we're stuck here for five years, right? How many people are planning on staying after that? If so, why?

I mean... [ another bite of fries and he swallows this time before continuing. ] What do people miss the most about their original homes and is it enough to want to go back? If there was one thing about this place that could make you stay, what would it be?

I dunno. Anyway- Loki, I need to make sure I have Wednesday night off. And Jason, I need some advice. Also, Ed, I have a few questions about your alchemy.

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Do you want to talk about it?

[ no, he really doesn't want to talk about it. especially not with billy, but he knows the witch is just trying to be nice, trying to be a friend and nico can't bring himself to be angry. he couldn't bring himself to hate annabeth when he'd been in love with percy and he can't bring himself to hate billy, as much as he wants to.

there's a pause before nico responds, long enough that billy might think he won't answer. ]

have you ever fallen for someone
who wouldn't or couldn't love you back?

( so this is about loki. well, that's one question answered, at least. he's not quite sure how much he should say about what loki has told billy. not quite yet. )

I've had crushes that didn't turn out in my favor, but I know that's not quite the same.
But I do know what it's like to have your heart broken.

[ it's hard when jealousy rears its ugly head. nico knows how to stamp it down, but it usually takes anger and frustration, the chance to kill something or beat something up. sitting in the graveyard, he's tempted to summon a skeletal warrior to spar with, a way to take out his feelings on something that can't be harmed. especially when he doesn't want to hurt billy for being so kind. ]

yeah? how many times?
because i doubt you've had your heart broken
as many times as i have.

I don't think it's a competition.
Romantically? Once.
I fell for the nicest, sweetest, kind and caring guy.
We dated for years. He proposed.
He left because there was a chance all of it was fake, that I used my power to manipulate everything, that I made him, or made him love me.
Non-romantically?
More times than I can possibly count.

love doesn't work that way
it's not affected by magic.
if it's there, it's not because of manipulation

i met him, you know.
Eros, the god of love.
he forced me to come out.
admit that the boy i loved would never love me back
i guess i have a weakness for the ones i can't have.

I warp reality, Nico. It's not quite magic-magic.
I can bend anything around me to be how I want it to be. And I've done it on accident before, too.
He wasn't being unreasonable. He wasn't even the one who thought of it.
But it wasn't him bringing up the possibility that got to me, it was that he believed it was true.
It bothered him. A lot. Enough to leave.

Sorry. Loki kind of filled me in on what happened here, too.
Maybe it's not Loki, or the boy you loved back home, but there is someone out there for you.
It just takes time sometimes, to find the right person.

do you still love him?

[ so loki told billy... figures, nico thinks. who else has loki told? ]

btw, that coming from your isn't very reassuring, you know.
you don't know how hard it is for me
being the son of hades
dead people like me better that living people.

Yes. I always will.

I don't understand what it's like to be the son of Hades, no.
But I know what it's like not to be liked.
To be hated for what you are, and not fitting in.

and yet you're with loki.

[ part of nico doesn't want to accept what he's reading. he doesn't want to believe that billy could ever understand what it's been like to be him. he doesn't want to believe that billy gets him. but that's bitterness and envy taking over and he has to stamp down the urge to lash out like he often had at percy. anger is usually how he manages dealing with emotions he doesn't want to feel, but that's not an option here. it would be unfair to billy, who has only ever been nice and tried to help him. ]

sorry.

I love Loki, too.

( it's complicated in the way feelings are, and honestly: he's sure most of it is that they're both way too reliant on each other, maybe it's not healthy, but they're doing their best, which is all they can do. billy won't get into the details of how depressed loki is, how much shit tears him up inside, how he flirts around with people who start flirting with him first and how he couldn't return that love nico has for him. none of that's for him to spill, and even if it was, it's nothing nico needs to hear. )

None of that's on you. None of this is, either.
There's nothing wrong with being you, Nico.
Some people just can't accept things that are different than them, which isn't your fault.
And you deserve better than what Loki could have given you.

[ nico doesn't know what to make of this admission. how can a person split love like that? sure, he knows the gods do it all the time, and maybe that works for them, but he knows for a fact that it's not so easy for mortals. he had wanted desperately for percy to love him alone, to turn those sea-green eyes towards him and look at him the same way he looked at annabeth. but that was an impossibility. then there had been loki with his mischievous grins and eyes as bright as percy's. he should've known better, though, because he's seen time and again how capricious gods can be. it's little comfort knowing that and billy's words are even littler comfort. part of nico still wonders why it couldn't have been him. ]

what do you mean i deserve better

You deserve to be with someone who loves you 100%, in the same way you love them.

and loki can't do that
because part of him is still in love with tony,
right?

That's really something you should be asking Loki about, not me.

figures.
i doubt he'd tell me if i asked.

I think if you asked, he'd talk to you.

why would he?

You're still friends.

is that really a good enough reason

Friends are generally open and honest with each other.

Generally.

generally being the key word.

Yeah.
But Loki's gotten a lot better in comparison to how he used to be.
He's trying to be a good friend, a better person.
I'm sure he'll at least try.

i hope you're right.

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