audio ☂ un:liches.get.stitches

[spellslots]

[Good morning Riverview. America's favourite wizard is here with an announcement.

America's favourite wizard is also doing his first audio only post, because he looks like shit and he's out of spell slots to cast Disguise Self.]

So, uh, what's up, my dudes? I'm gonna cut to the chase here, cause most of you aren't complete idiots and have probably noticed that some weird shit is happening and that weird shit, while not my fault, is thanks to some fucko in my world messing with magical items, so now we're dealing with the consequences.

[That fucko is Magnus, who he's throwing under the bus on this, although not by name at least.

There's a very audible sigh from Taako's end of things.]

Here's the skinny: an item with control over time has gotten its shit messed up in the portal, and that's why people are suddenly like, babies or whatever, and the folks here don't really, uh, well they don't know how to fix it. They don't know enough about the chalice, and I don't know enough about the portal, so... so we're asking for help. I'd put money on arcane knowledge getting us the furthest, but at this point I'm willing to take input from anyone who knows their science shit, too, as long as you're not gonna try to tell me that magic doesn't exist. I can guaran-fucking-tee that I'm not in the mood.

[Someone hasn't slept in two days because he's been trying to figure this out, worried about both the chalice itself and the potential that a part of the light existing in this universe could lead the Hunger to it.]

The big thing is that it needs to go back, we bring that shit all the way in here and it's gonna break pretty bad for a lot of people and this stupid cup has given me enough grief that I'm super ready to never see it again in my entire life. Anyone who wants to help should get in touch with the dudes running the portal, but if you got questions I can field 'em. Heads up, you'll get better answers if you promise me coffee.

[He's doing his Good Deed of the week, he could at least get some caffeine out of it.]

Comments

Voice; @the.boneless

[ragnarsson]

This explains a lot.

[Namely the fact that he feels happier than he's been since like....ever. His memories of how things should be are rather fuzzy at the moment, but he gets the distinct feeling he was hurting mentally for some reason and was a lot more angry. Both of those feelings have eased up, replaced by something that has left him feeling a lot more centered and balanced.]

permavoice

[spellslots]

You're welcome.

[For solving the mystery, he doesn't know about Ivar being happy.]

[ragnarsson]

Did you get affected all by all this magic...stuff?

[Even with Taako's explanation, he's still not entirely sure what's going on. Look, magic is definitely not his area of expertise. He's smart, but like most Vikings, when it comes right down to it solutions tend to come down to breaking things, killing things, or destroying things.]

[spellslots]

Nothing feels off, so my guess is that I'm safe. Could be cause of how this thing was made, or it's just luck of the fucking draw.

[It doesn't seem like everyone has been changed; Clark and Jon are fine, Eddie is fine, he hasn't checked on Bryn in the last couple of days.]

[ragnarsson]

Is what happened a permanent change?

[There's something decidedly hopeful in his tone. He doesn't recall all the details of how he was before, but he knows he wasn't as content as he is now. There was a lot more anger burning beneath the surface. He doesn't miss it.]

[spellslots]

Uh, I mean, that depends on how you wanna look at it?

[He hears that hope, and while he doesn't particularly care, avoiding upsetting someone is a good idea just because he doesn't want to deal with anyone being emotional at him.]

If this is some kinda alternate version of you, then you're just gonna go back where you came from when the portal is fixed, and the version of you that was here will... come back? Be restored? I'm not the science guy, I'll be real with you.

[ragnarsson]

That's a shame.

[He doesn't bother to hide his disappointment at that answer. To go back to a world where his parents are dead, his father abandoned him for ten years, and his anger rules his mind more often than not is a dismal prospect.]

[spellslots]

Kinda necessary, if anyone ever wants to get back home.

[The chalice is messing with the portal, which means that regardless of how people feel about these changes, it needs to be fixed.

Also: his world needs the chalice in it.]

[ragnarsson]

Doesn't make it any easier when my life was shit before and is going to be returning to it.

[Bitter? Ivar? Just a little bit. He prefers being happy, despite knowing how happiness can hurt more often than not.]

[spellslots]

Hate to break it to you, but that's not my problem.

[Well, there goes that brief attempt at delicacy; it's not his fault if people have shitty lives. That's just how the world works.]

[ragnarsson]

I never claimed it was, princess.

[There's not nearly as much bite in his sarcasm as there normally is.]

[spellslots]

Telling me about it kinda makes it feel like you think I should give a shit.

[he's gr8 at this]

[ragnarsson]

That sounds like something I would usually say.

[But with most of his anger gone, Ivar's been doing his best to behave more than he's usually capable of.]

Take it from someone who can't do it very well: faking empathy goes a long way in getting along with people.

[spellslots]

Pumpkin, I've got at least a couple centuries on you, I don't need you to tell me how to handle my shit.

[Empathy is hard, he can agree with that, but he knows how to fake it when necessary. Now just isn't necessary.]

[ragnarsson]

Because clearly you're doing it so well right now.

[He smiles sweetly at Taako.]

And age is just a number, princess.

[spellslots]

I'm not doing it cause I don't wanna. [The princess doesn't bother him in the slightest, nor does... any of this.] Are we like, done? Can I go?

[He's bored]

[ragnarsson]

Begone.

[He's not going to force Taako to just sit here and talk.]

[spellslots]

[With a chuckle ("begone", amazing), Taako hangs up.

Bye]