video, locked to residents 18+ only; un: b.zethir

[inlaid]

[Bryn, Taako]

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[The feed opens on Bryn standing in an apron in Taako’s kitchen, holding the selfie stick that supports the camera. Thanks to Taako there’s a smear of frosting on her cheek, and thanks to the open bottle of vodka in the background there’s a slightly unfocused look in her eyes. But she’s happy and smiling so clearly all is well.

Taako is a little more focused and a little less tipsy, because unlike some people he’s actually working here, on the monstrosity in front of him. There’s a cake in the center, the crumb layer already done, and around it are smaller cupcakes that he’s assembling into a castle, with tall spires and ramparts. It’s about halfway done, but still clearly a castle.]

Surprise, surprise, I’m back! [She grins as she pours a fresh shot of vodka into a glass and then puts it to Taako’s lips to help him drink while his hands are full.] Wanted to say hi, but we’re also broadcasting for a very important--well first, say hi, Taako!

What’s up, thugs?

We’ve taken on a very, very important project. An artistic masterpiece of...of--well, it’s a cupcake castle! With phallic spires! [She looks and sounds utterly delighted by this.] But we’re looking for a volunteer for the finishing touches.

As much as I like, hate to admit that I can’t do every-fucking-thing perfectly, I am not a master painter or whatever, and this dope as shit cake is gonna need a mural.

A mural of lots of different people fucking. Lots of people. [Said with a decisive nod, despite Taako giggling in the background.] Seriously. Like, someone who can paint people of all races, genders, and orientations totally banging on the fondant walls. It’ll be fun! And we’re paying in cupcakes and vodka!

We’re uh, we’re also looking for any dipshits who wanna get in on this bad boy once it’s done cause if she tries to eat all this herself she’s gonna fucking die and that’d be some kinda tragedy, so-- [He gestures with the icing spatula in his hand.] -- sign up here if you’re into cupcakes. Or spun-sugar dicks!

[Bryn blows a noisy kiss to the camera and cuts the feed.]

Comments

[inlaid]

[The next is yelled to Taako.]

LET'S MAKE A SISTINE CHAPEL NEXT TIME TAAKO LOOK, CEILING ART.

[She turns back to Sam, beaming.]

That's the best suggestion ever.

action

[spellslots]

What the fuck is a sister chapel?

[inlaid]

Some sort of Earth place I guess. [She shows him the picture.] We could try something like this next time, only the art can go on the inside and people can look inside and surprise!!

[spellslots]

That's some fucking fancy shit, you want me to build a cake castle big enough that some motherfuckers can walk into it?

[He could probably do it.]

[inlaid]

[Her jaw drops.]

Could you do that? It'd be like...like that one fairy tale. Did you hear the one about the two kids who get shoved in the woods and find a house made of gingerbread and candy? And there's a witch and she tries to eat them.

[Bryn is, of course, both horrified and fascinated by this story. Kids' stories can be surprisingly bloodthirsty.]

[spellslots]

[Taako voice: IM GONNA EAT THAT HOUSE]

Those shits deserved it but uh, I could do like cubbyhouse size? Enough to get a couple people in if they duck, otherwise you're gonna risk structural integrity.

[If Anna Polyviou can do it so can he]

[inlaid]

Okay, yes, we need to do this. But we need to like, plan something out special. No spur of the moment slap-dash thing. It's gotta have extra pop and wow factor.

[She gestures at him with an empty shot glass.]

I'm going to help! Like, more than I have today because let's be honest today's endeavor is like ninty-percent all you.

[spellslots]

This shit is gonna be more engineering than baking so I bet you can figure something out.

[She's likely more helpful in that category.]

What do you think we should do it for? When's ya birthday?

[wingedman]

Look, Michelangelo probably would've approved. All the renaissance artists loved dicks.

[See also: the attached picture of David.]

[inlaid]

...are you sure that it's dicks that they loved?

[Because it's not looking very big compared to the rest.]

[wingedman]

To be fair, dude was about to fight a giant using only a sling. I feel like my junk would've been in hiding too.

[inlaid]

...okay that's totally fair.

He looks super posed though so you can't blame me when I'm lacking context.