video, locked to residents 18+ only; un: b.zethir

[inlaid]

[Bryn, Taako]

---

[The feed opens on Bryn standing in an apron in Taako’s kitchen, holding the selfie stick that supports the camera. Thanks to Taako there’s a smear of frosting on her cheek, and thanks to the open bottle of vodka in the background there’s a slightly unfocused look in her eyes. But she’s happy and smiling so clearly all is well.

Taako is a little more focused and a little less tipsy, because unlike some people he’s actually working here, on the monstrosity in front of him. There’s a cake in the center, the crumb layer already done, and around it are smaller cupcakes that he’s assembling into a castle, with tall spires and ramparts. It’s about halfway done, but still clearly a castle.]

Surprise, surprise, I’m back! [She grins as she pours a fresh shot of vodka into a glass and then puts it to Taako’s lips to help him drink while his hands are full.] Wanted to say hi, but we’re also broadcasting for a very important--well first, say hi, Taako!

What’s up, thugs?

We’ve taken on a very, very important project. An artistic masterpiece of...of--well, it’s a cupcake castle! With phallic spires! [She looks and sounds utterly delighted by this.] But we’re looking for a volunteer for the finishing touches.

As much as I like, hate to admit that I can’t do every-fucking-thing perfectly, I am not a master painter or whatever, and this dope as shit cake is gonna need a mural.

A mural of lots of different people fucking. Lots of people. [Said with a decisive nod, despite Taako giggling in the background.] Seriously. Like, someone who can paint people of all races, genders, and orientations totally banging on the fondant walls. It’ll be fun! And we’re paying in cupcakes and vodka!

We’re uh, we’re also looking for any dipshits who wanna get in on this bad boy once it’s done cause if she tries to eat all this herself she’s gonna fucking die and that’d be some kinda tragedy, so-- [He gestures with the icing spatula in his hand.] -- sign up here if you’re into cupcakes. Or spun-sugar dicks!

[Bryn blows a noisy kiss to the camera and cuts the feed.]

Comments

[spellslots]

My only rule is that there's gotta be at least two visible dicks.

[He's razzing on her now.]

[scholiast]

You and I will be in the room, so I consider that accounted for.

[spellslots]

Two penises, Lucretia.

[There now she's heard him say penis, and now she has to live with it.]

[scholiast]

(unfortunately this is not the first time she's heard him say penis and it definitely won't be the last)

These are very steep terms; like I said, I'll think about it.

[spellslots]

Alright, alright, if you're too chicken to handle it I guess we can find someone else.

[Lucretia isn't Lup, but all of them have a slight competitive streak.]

[scholiast]

(he ain't wrong)

I'm not chicken, I just feel strange about it.

[spellslots]

I refuse to believe you've never taken like, anatomy classes.

[She's drawn dicks before, surely.]

[scholiast]

(She's drawn a bunch of dick, don't @ her)

Of course I have, but that kind of environment is pretty different to this one!

[spellslots]

What, a professional kitchen?

[He's giving her so much shit.]

[scholiast]

Why are you so rude to me? I'm an old woman, I demand respect.

[spellslots]

You know I'm older than you, right? Like that's a thing you're aware of?

[She definitely knows.]

[scholiast]

Sometimes I forget it, because you don't act as if you are.

[spellslots]

Is the fact I don't act like a sixty year old woman supposed to be an insult or...?

[scholiast]

No, because if you acted like that you'd be far more tolerable.

I've decided I'm going to do the cake.

[spellslots]

If I acted like that you'd probably hit on me.

[SLAM DUNK.]

You're so magnanimous, Luce.

[scholiast]

(thank god this is audio so he can't see the face she just made at her screen)

Yes, well– it's just what good friends do. They help each other.

[spellslots]

I won't ever forgot this kindness you're doing for me.

[he's gonna get smacked]

[scholiast]

(he's going to get hit at 45% strength, and he will deserve it)

In your honour, I will make the dicks extra big.

[spellslots]

[So like .5% Magnus strength?]

It's like you know me.

[scholiast]

(stop)

Too well, unfortunately. I'll be around in ten.