video; un: sg.rogers

[livingsymbol]

[Steve's being restless and actually exploring the more risque side of Carnivale this time around. Part of him is a little bit salty, but he's trying not to show it. Whether or not that is working, well, it probably depends on his conversation partner. There is a lot of noise in the background - talking, laughing, and the low thrum of bass beats.]

Does anyone want to show me how to do this?

[He turns his phone camera toward some nearby people, who are apparently customers outside of Trixie, lounging at tables and enjoying the party. Apparently the theme for the night is lingerie and everyone is dressed to fit. One of the women he turns to says something too muffled to hear in the din, but the message is clear from her grin and inviting gesture.]

Thanks, no. I don't have one. Maybe next time.

[He turns the camera back to himself, smiling a little bit dryly.]

They look like they're having fun. [Anyway.] I know we're all pretty used to holidays here, but I've been thinking a lot lately about my home. Right now, we'd be celebrating the birth of a nation. And a dream... Since some of you have been here for a while, I'd like to know more about the worlds you came from. We've got a unique city on this moon. People from all kinds of places. I'd like to celebrate that too, if you'll allow it.

[Filtered away from MCU!Loki]

And if anyone sees Loki, can you do me a favor? Wish him a happy birthday. The older one. He's probably going to avoid it, but he should enjoy the day too.

Comments

[dothelokimotion]

[ Loki moves back slightly to look at him, surprised. ]

In . . . your building?

[livingsymbol]

If you'll let me. You don't have to use it, but... I'd like you to have one.

A place with us.

[dothelokimotion]

[ Loki was at a loss, his thumb absently brushing against Steve's chin as Loki's fingers rest on his nape. A million thoughts race through his head. Would this be the nail in the coffin that Loki puts in, severing Steve's link to the Avengers? Is it something he'll inevitably ruin? His throat bobs erratically. ]

Are you sure?

[livingsymbol]

I'm sure. You don't have to decide yet.

[ Steve speaks with that gentle confidence he has when he's already made up his mind about something. The statement of fact that comes easily because it resonates with him. ]

I was thinking about it while you were gone. I'd like you to come home and stay.

[dothelokimotion]

[ Come home. Loki blinks away the wet sheen from his eyes. He can't go home anymore. He severed his connection with Thor, but Steve was still here. And Loki just can't see a good ending anymore. A good anything. He makes a pained sound, turning his head away. ]

I — I can't go home.

[livingsymbol]

You can. [Steve holds Loki's wrist, not letting him get away.]

You can come home with me.

[dothelokimotion]

No, Steve, you don't understand.

[ He swallows tightly, his fingers digging in. ]

I — Someone hurt me. It was bad enough that I woke up in the hospital here. And I think I'm — I'm —

[livingsymbol]

[ His entire body tenses as he gets ready to fight, to destroy whatever it is that is threatening his reality. It doesn't matter that he'd be taking on the fabric of reality or turning time itself. Steve grabs onto Loki and holds on like he thinks that will make a difference. ]

No. You're not. I won't let that happen.

[dothelokimotion]

[ Loki makes a muffled sound as Steve holds him tightly. ]

What if it already has?

[livingsymbol]

Then we'll change it. You're here and you're going to stay here.

[ His grip is just a bit tighter as he says that. ]

I won't let anyone take you. They want you? They'll have to come through to get you. And then they're gonna have to go through me.

[dothelokimotion]

[ Loki isn't sure Steve is understanding quite what his situation means. And to be fair, Loki hasn't even explained it properly, the words clogged in his throat. So he simply burrows his head on Steve's shoulder, drawing strength from him. ]

I tried. I was trying.

[ But he failed and Loki can't help believing he'll always fail. Always. ]

[livingsymbol]

[ Steve probably is not fully understanding what Loki means, but that's because Steve is fundamentally an optimistic and slightly naive believer. He wants to think that he can make every change necessary and he can protect those close to him against all odds. It's unrealistic, but Steve has always existed on hope for the better, not realism alone. He pulls Loki closer. ]

I'm here now. We'll do it. Whatever happens, we can change it together.

[dothelokimotion]

[ Loki shakes his head. No more. He doesn't want to try anymore. He can't do it. It's better to fact that fact than to keep forcing himself. Loki can accept that. There would always be limits to his person. ]

[livingsymbol]

Don't give up.

[He whispers that quietly, but insistently.]

I won't let go.

[dothelokimotion]

No.

[ Loki tries to pull himself away. ]

No more. I can't change. I can't do it. I was a fool to think I could.

[livingsymbol]

[Steve resists, trying to keep Loki close to him.]

You promised me you'd come back.

[dothelokimotion]

[ He falters, blinking tears from his eyes. ]

I — [ I can't do better, I can't be better, I should break away, I shouldn't be here, even if I want to. ] — I don't know what to do. I don't know what to be.

[livingsymbol]

Be you.

[And he knows that's unfair, but it's Steve. He can only be honest.]

I never asked for anything else.

[dothelokimotion]

Be me? Steve, I am — I am the worst thing to happen to everything I've loved.

[livingsymbol]

Not to me.

[Which is just one voice, but still.]

I am glad that I met you. You've always been kind to me. I know you struggle, but your thoughtfulness is something I have always loved.

[dothelokimotion]

[ He visibly struggles, not sure what to say to that. Not sure of anything about himself anymore. ]

What if it's only a matter of time?

[livingsymbol]

[There's pain in Steve's eyes. He understands, he does. But-]

All I have is time.

[dothelokimotion]

. . . Steve.

[livingsymbol]

You have to do what's best for you. I-

[He can't finish. Steve loosens his grip, but keeps his hands on Loki anyway.]

It's always your choice.

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki moves to kiss him because it's hard to explain the emptiness in his chest and it hurts how it's spreading to everything around him, everything he's cared. He doesn't know how to make it stop and he's scared all over again. ]