( video; stark )

[inebriety]

[Tony and Loki staring at everyone with shiteating grins on this great fourth of July.]

We’re happy to present the American Eagle. Customized for this very celebration, Captain America’s birthday. It has many features. Note its colourful plumage and the fact that it can sing the national . . . anthem? I believe that is what it called. Though why a nation needs its own song, I know not.

[Tony rolling his eyes.]

Because God Bless America etc etc. Our great nation was created so we may all look upon those asses today.

And since I blessed it last year, I have come again to bless it once more. With this eagle and my continued presence to his ass.

[Presenting the burd. It starts to sing.



Tony meanwhile is taken aback.]

Wait what? When did you hit that? Which one?!

Comments

video; @falcon

[wingedman]

You didn't know that? You are way behind the times, Stark.

[says sam wilson, walking gossip rag]

Nice bird, though.

[dothelokimotion]

Thank you. I designed it myself.

[wingedman]

Yeah, I kinda guessed that. Does it do anything else, or is it a one-trick pony?

[dothelokimotion]

It can do whatever I want him to do, of course.

[inebriety]

What else have I missed?

[WHY WON'T YOU GUYS TELL HIM THINGS.]

[wingedman]

I spent a year fucking your double, for one thing.

[JUST SAYIN']

[inebriety]

[Tony wasn't sure if the old man was straight or hated himself that much and well that makes it clear which it is.]

Ah, so the problem was me.

[wingedman]

Maybe you should've bought him dinner first.

[#helping]

[inebriety]

That requires eating and I know he doesn't do it as much as he should.

[Because he sure doesn't.]

[wingedman]

He can't escape it if you ask him to dinner.

[Or if you just take the food over and put it in his hands, which is what Sam does.]

And I know you don't do the whole eating thing much, I just mean- you know. Put a bit of effort into it in general, don't just ask if he wants to fuck. I know you're Tony Stark and you've never had to work to get into someone's bed before, but you gotta understand the concept.

[inebriety]

So I have to put in effort to impress myself. Just to clarify I know exactly how easy I am so this is more an exercise in stroking our egos.

[wingedman]

Is there a Tony Stark anywhere in the multiverse who doesn't like having their ego stroked?

[inebriety]

Yeah, but no one else seems to appreciate it.

[wingedman]

Really? You're the one without the mask of arrogance to cover your crippling lack of self-esteem?

[a pause, and then]

...okay, that sounded harsh, sorry. It's more like bravado. [No it's not, Sam, it's arrogance.] And I probably shouldn't make snap judgments about your self-esteem.

[on the other hand, there's probably a good reason why all Tony Starks have substance abuse problems, too.]

[inebriety]

It's fine. There's an argument to be made here about how the fact that I don't care to put on masks ties in with my clinical depression, but lets pretend I'm the well-adjusted one.