video; un: sg.rogers

[livingsymbol]

[Steve is restless and it shows. He's looking at the camera almost like he's waiting for it to jump out at him or he's challenging it in some way. While he's making an attempt to look friendly, he's also giving the network a far too serious amount of effort, like he's trying too hard at presenting what he has to say. Steve has a message and apparently it is An Important Issue.]

I'm starting a book club. If any of you have some things you'd like to share, I figure it can't hurt to get together and look at them as a group. If you're interested, let me know. I need the experience. Maybe some of you do too.


[ooc: While Steve says "book club" what he's really doing is creating meeting sessions for people to try new things using a book someone likes as a launching point. It's an interactive book club for trying new hobbies. Because Steve has to get his hands dirty at all times. If you're interested, I will make some book club related logs for sharing activities and messes as well.]

Comments

[livingsymbol]

Could have done what?

[Steve keeps his hand in place, assuring them both that Loki is still there. He's speaking softly again. The anger is gone and while there is some tiredness in his voice, Steve remains steady and sure. Because that's who he is. Even if he doesn't really know what has happened in detail.]

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki looks up at steve, a faint smile. ]

I could have made them proud.

[livingsymbol]

[That is perhaps the one thing Steve does seem to immediately understand. Not why or how or anything like that. Just the simple sentiment of wanting to be acknowledged.]

I'm proud of you.

[And, because that hasn't gotten through to Loki before:]

Even if you're afraid, you've managed to step forward. You came to me when you knew it wouldn't be easy. You're kind, even if it's something you don't think about. You go out of your way to make people you care about happy, and even if it's just a few people, even if it's one person, that is still a generous thing to do. You don't have to outshine anyone else to be good enough. You are already doing those things as Loki. No one asked you to. That came from you.

[dothelokimotion]

[ his breath hitches as his fingers unconsciously dig into steve's skin. ]

Steve.

[livingsymbol]

Even if you decide not to believe it, I will. I've seen it first hand. That's what you're capable of.

That is Loki too.

[dothelokimotion]

[ That is Loki. For a moment, sweet blessed relief fills his senses, even if his eyes looked red-rimmed and worn. He presses his forehead against Steve's, finally staving off the tears, his arms circling around Steve's neck. ]

[livingsymbol]

[It's still strange to Steve to think that Loki might not be able to see the results of his own actions. He's so devoted to the idea of choice and thinking about every action as a choice that the idea of anything happening without that hard consideration is almost beyond him completely. But seeing directly how upset people get like Loki is now is a reminder that not everyone is as deliberate or proud as he is. Steve sighs, leaning in.]

You should have just come to me. You think I can't take care of myself?

[dothelokimotion]

[ Loki is a contradiction. He is adept at seeing the bigger picture, tracing the lines from start to finish. But he struggles when it comes to himself, unable to fully put himself in perspective. He's always been prone in seeing the worst in every situation he's in. ]

I just thought it was better than no one dealt with me.

[livingsymbol]

[Steve gives him a hard look.]

That will never be better. You're important to people. You think we wouldn't miss you if you left?

[dothelokimotion]

I know that. I do.

[ Still there's a "but" which Loki has explained earlier on. ]

[livingsymbol]

But I'm still telling you. Because I still love you.

[ And Loki needs to hear it. ]

I will still be here. To help in any way I can. I'm not afraid of whatever might happen.

[dothelokimotion]

I . . . have always been afraid. In some way.

[ At least when he found out he was a Frost Giant, Loki's life was marked by fear. Fear of his parents, of Thor, of Asgard. The list just grew steadily longer over the years. Being killed by Thanos was one of those fears and having it realized made him fall to pieces over all the other fears he's harboured over time. ]

[livingsymbol]

That's okay. Fear is natural.

[ He used to be afraid. That he's not now is only from time and work and the knowledge of fear that he carried with him. Steve knows the fear of helplessness and hard times, and he doesn't judge anyone for having those feelings now that he's managed to push back against those fears. ]

You have me. We can work through it. Even if it takes time.