Video | username: bigbad

[idolpire]

[Say hello to an angular looking face that's not smiling. He is smoking, which is all part of the bad boy look. Maybe.]

Let's get one thing clear here, yeah? Last thing I need is a bunch of goody-goodies hunting me down out of some obligated sense of protecting the masses. Yes, I'm a vampire. Ooh. Scary, I know.

[Hands lift to do a little 'woo' motion, a cigarette between two fingers that he pauses to take a drag from before continuing in a thick, lower-class British accent.]

No, I can't eat any humans. Got me on that synthetic crap here. So unless one of you plans on dropping off a bag of type you on my doorstep, consider yourselves safe.

[And it pains him to admit that. It's obvious on his face.]

So instead of blaming me for being all terrible and mean -- which I am, try blaming whatever brought me here. I was just off, being a vampire in my own little word, then poof. I wake up here. Not my fault. Didn't sign up for it. So you hero types, you bleeding heart goody-goodies, you can all put your pitchforks down and go pet a puppy or something.

[He pauses for a moment, then points at the screen.]

Non-humans, however, I can still hurt. So if you're up for an asskicking, by all means, come a'knocking. I could do with a good fight. It's too... nice around here. Gives me the willies. And please, don't try to come back with some 'all bad needs to be stopped'. It's bollocks. Every world needs a bit of bad. It's what gives the goodies something to be all superior over.

Comments

[dirtyredneck]

Dead ain't no 'ghosties'.

[He'll just leave it at that for now.]

So 'undead'... that mean you were dead and you ain't no more?

[idolpire]

Something like that. There's a process. But yeah, you gotta die to become a vampire.

[dirtyredneck]

[Gotta die and then get up and walk and snack on people? That sure is skirting close to the whole zombie thing there, Spike.]

Guess it's not so bad as being dead. You still got your own thoughts.

[Even if he did drink people's blood.]

[idolpire]

[Hey, he only snacks on blood. And he doesn't infect people with a bite. There are upsides.

Plus, he bathes and doesn't smell gross. Super upside.]

Thoughts, feelings, concerns about the environment...

[A smirk.]

Just kidding on that last bit.

[dirtyredneck]

Kinda figured from the cigarette. You don't look like you're dead. No rottin'.

[idolpire]

Trust me, mate. Everything's where it should be. Wouldn't that be a laugh, eh? Things falling off and carrying around a rucksack of all the bits?

[dirtyredneck]

Not really.

[idolpire]

[Have a look, Daryl.]

Someone needs to lighten up a bit. Ever heard of a joke? Don't they laugh where you're from?

[dirtyredneck]

[Daryl scowls at him. He used to joke around about the dead some. And well, still kind of did with the people that understood the humor. Mostly about how to kill them. But not about actually being like that. Being like them.]

Weren't funny.

[idolpire]

Was too. Though, maybe it's funnier to me since I've seen demons with the dropsies before. There's this one type that has these tentacle things that fall off before they go through a growth spurt. Then they get these little spikes that come out and they eventually turn into the tentacle things again. Little squiggly wormy things on the ground, those tentacles, for a little bit until they figure out they're not still on the body.

[Spike grinned.]

Used to love making Dru shriek by dumping a pile of those in her lap.

[dirtyredneck]

Ain't the same as watching the skin peel off some dead thing what used to be a person while it's doing it's damnedest to get close enough to eat ya. Rottin' dead up and walking ain't funny.

[idolpire]

... It's a little funny.

[Vampires were terrible people to gauge humor on, Daryl.]

[dirtyredneck]

The hell it is. Fuck you.

[And he flips him the bird for good measure.]

[idolpire]

Language, young man. There are children in this city.

[He looked offended for all of half a second before he laughed.]

Clearly you need to get out more.

[dirtyredneck]

Like I fucking care.

[He did care. And if there were actually kids around, he'd attempt to watch his language. A little. Okay, so he might not say 'fuck' but all other words were definitely still on the table.]

And fuck you, I get out plenty.

[idolpire]

Yeah. Right. 'Cause you're clearly the picture of mental health and well being.

[Daryl...]

[dirtyredneck]

Gettin' out's got nothin' to do with that shit.

[A pause and then.]

And I'm just fine. Ain't nothin' wrong with me. Get that stupid idea outta your head.

[There is soooooo much wrong with him.]

[idolpire]

I'd check your pants to see if they're on fire or not, mate.

[Liar, liar.]

[dirtyredneck]

As far as your head is up your ass, I'm surprised you can't see shit.

[No, Daryl, right now that's you.]

[idolpire]

I'm flexible, but that's a bit past my limits.

[Spike: the person that knew he'd hit a line and just kept on going.]

[dirtyredneck]

[The statement is unexpected enough to give Daryl a moment's pause. It'd been a while since he'd argued with someone who didn't react to his insults in the way he was used to. Threw him off just a bit.

Enough to shut him up for a moment and give him time to process the situation. he didn't really calm down, but he wasn't getting more riled up, either.]

Man, whatever...

[He said, deflating a bit and shaking his head. It was dismissive, sure, but Daryl wasn't super creative with comebacks when he was upset. Especially with ones that could get easily get unnecessarily sexual if said wrong. And anything to do with assholes and flexibility could get there fast.]

[idolpire]

[Spike was used to insults, from enemies, friends, and lovers alike. It was just another way to say hello, wasn't it?

He wound up chuckling as Daryl visibly deflated, shaking his head and taking another drag.]

All bark no bite, eh? Or is it the other way around?

[dirtyredneck]

[He snorted, the sound dry and without any real feeling behind it.]

Ain't the biting type. Leave that to the dead.

[He didn't exactly laugh, but it could still be considered a joke.]

Could still kick your ass, though.

[idolpire]

Undead, in this case, and if situations were a little altered, I'd call bollocks on that.

[Unfortunately, Daryl would definitely be able to kick his ass -- if he could catch him. A two year old could kick his ass. It was heartbreaking.]

[dirtyredneck]

Wasn't talking about you.

[He actually looks a little disconcerted for a second there. He'd almost forgotten the guy was a vampire and vampires bite people. He'd been thinking only of the dead that wandered his world.]

Yeah? Why's that?