riverview | text (un: natsume.t)

[If Natsume feels like he's being made fun of (and he does), it's because he's very used to that. Not so much, these days, but he remembers days, stretches of days, stretches of all his youth, with mocking, teasing, ridicule.

His dealing with it goes like this:]

I must be the weird one for thinking that way. Sorry for saying such strange things. I understand what you're saying, now.

[Demure, non-confrontational, and very hands-off.]

[And funnily enough, the last thing Noiz is doing is mocking him. (For Once.) So while he's completely allergic to apologising, this response makes him tip his head. In the same way a dog does upon hearing a strange sound.]

 I don't think you were saying anything strange.

I'm just trying to figure out why you find it strange.

I don't understand.

[Because he doesn't understand it.
The sentimentality that goes with 'Home'.]

[Here is Natsume, always oscillating between being naturally suspicious of people's intentions toward him, and incredibly gullible in exactly the situations where he shouldn't be. Right now the spinner lands on the former. He's self-conscious of the way he feels about things—the way he feels about his current (now previous?) home—so it's hard to shake the feeling that someone thinks he's funny or stupid for it.]

No, I was thinking too hard about it. Someone else told me this might be a little like a vacation. That's not so bad.

[It's not as if Noiz would blame him for his natural suspicion of people. He was the same way, in most cases, after all. Thinking others only spoke to him purely for benefit. So he did it to others, in return. Natsume is just becoming another victim of Noiz' inability to properly communicate with others.]

 Doesn't a vacation mean you'll be eventually going home?

They can send you back.
They just said that we're supposed to make a life here.

Which do you want?

[And Natsume himself is only in the process of learning to effectively communicate, so... Not a great backdrop for either of them.

The relatively impersonal circumstance of social media is all that keeps Natsume from just ejecting from the situation. If this were face to face, he'd be leaving right about now. Natsume isn't actually used to things like this, texting or message boards or anything like that... but the lack of inhibition one feels when safely behind a computer screen is going to be quite the experience.

As it is...]

If they've brought us here, it means we might not belong where we were.

[It's not an answer, really. Not the one he asked, at least. But it brings up the same point he'd thought about, over and over.
He himself had never felt like he belonged anywhere. So winding up here had absolutely no affect on him emotionally--it was just furthur away from a place he knew, with less people who might know who he is.]

 I know I didn't belong.

So this is fine. For me. 

I didn't think others would feel differently.

[As far as Natsume is concerned, this whole thing is a logical conclusion. It's bizarre to him, and he dislikes it, but its fundamentals make sense:]

I knew, too

[Which is only something he can admit because this person doesn't know who he is. It's a little like confessing to the void.

He had liked this last home he had. He had liked it a lot. He had really loved it, in fact, and the reality of that is making his eyes prickle and his throat go tight—he had loved it and, foolishly, he had hoped he belonged.

But he is still who he is. That hasn't changed, even with all the goodness he's learned.]

 Then... is this change not okay for you?

I don't understand.

[Once again, it's text that can be seen as mocking or jeering, but the fingers tapping out the response are genuinely confused.

If this guy knew he didn't belong, then wouldn't the change of place be welcome?

Wouldn't he be happy to be away from a place that made him think something as drastic as I don't belong here?]

[Just because it was right for me, he wants to say, doesn't mean I was right for it. He'd have stayed in the countryside with the Fujiwara family forever, if he were able. Even with all the worrying he put them through...

No, that's exactly why he's here, he's sure. When he gets into trouble, and his foster parents fuss, he wonders why they keep him; he wonders if they should.]

It has to be okay, right?

If this is how things have to be, it's fine

 Unless a mistake was made.

You could be sent back the way you came.

Or get used to 'new life' here.

I think I'm okay with that.

[But would 'normal' people be? They have feelings and sentiments that were alien to him--entirely. So...]

You'll be okay.

I am okay

[If he has to be okay, then he'll tell himself he is; and if he tells himself he is, he will be. Or something.]

Thank you

 I didn't say anything that warrants a thanks.

But if that's what you think, stick to it.

You said something in the first place
That warrants it, you know

[There's a small pause before he answers, as if he had to contemplate Natsume's reply.]

 ... I see.

I never thought about it that way.

[It was impressed upon him from very early, for a long time. So,]

It helps.

[Or, he lets himself think it helps, which helps. (?)]

[of all the text he's exchanged with Natsume in this short period of time, this one is the most confusing. So much so that he has no idea how to even answer properly, so the other will go without a reply for quite a stretch of time compared to the other replies.

It seems like he hasn't forgotten to reply, however, as about a half hour later (and after a confused talk with his roommate on how the hell someone replies to something like this) Natsume's screen will finally light up with a short reply.]

Don't mention it.

We're all in this together after all.

[After a point, Natsume doesn't expect to hear back. He's all right with that. Things go that way, sometimes (often), and so it is.

Getting a response after all makes him feel self-conscious, oddly. Don't feel obligated, he thinks, a bit guilty for it. But the actual words are even more of a surprise. What it says probably should have been obvious, but reading it gives Natsume pause. There are very few people who are "together" with him in the strangest parts of his life. Very few human people, anyway. And the ones that aren't human usually can't understand why it's so hard for him.

But this person can use the word "all" and mean it.]

Then I'll be trying. Not everyone has that.

[At the very least, he'd be able to understand Natsume's trouble with the human race. Even now, he thinks other people are confusing and far divorced from his reality, but he's been... learning, with the help of those around him. So even if his previous response was one he was helped with, it shows he's trying, even if he doesn't really know what it means to be 'there' for someone else, fully.]

Aa. Me too.

It's Noiz.

[An awkward way to introduce himself, but--as said, he's bad at this.]

[Awkward or not, Natsume has had the base methods of a polite introduction drilled into him since he was very small. Saying this much is easier than anything else:]

It's nice to meet you, Noiz. I'm Natsume.

[But it's harder to know what to say after that. There's the option to just leave it at that, which is what he had done for the majority of his life until recent (but beloved) intrusions upon his heart. Saying more than that feels valuable, now. It feels like the right thing to do, a good thing to do, and something meaningful and worthwhile.

Basically, he's learned to try.]

I'm sure we're all learning things, and there are good ways to learn it.

[...Not to say his attempts aren't still kind of awkward on their own.]

I'd save that until you've actually met me.

[And why this can be read as a wry comment--there's some truth to it. He's painfully aware of what kind of a person he is.]

 ...

Trying to learn things from others is frustrating. 

But it's less confusing than learning them alone.

Everyone's doing that
All the time
So it's a lot better when you can do it with other people, I think

You're not the only one

[He thinks about it for a second.

But...

Natsume's right, isn't he? So there's only one answer here, and he doesn't even has to ask someone for help with it this time.]

Thank you.

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