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2 [anonymous//video]
[The video starts up a bit like an old 70's VHS tape; grainy quality, washed-out colors, that weird lilt in the music as it starts up. The specific music that plays is a bright and cheery tune from the 50's, like something one would find on the shopping channel back in the day.
What it actually shows is a crude puppet, with a scribbled-on baseball for a head and googly eyes that have weirdly realistic irises. It seems to be made to exist in a permanent state of shock, or... terror. Everything about the image is just a little bit wrong.]
[The words appear on a sort of title card, like a silent film, as if the creator hasn't mixed around with his vintage inspiration enough. And then the puppet can be seen spinning to look at the screen, its eyes jostled in their plastic sockets. Gross.]
[In the style of certain vintage-themed video games, the puppet can be seen in between these pitches engaged in actions related to each question. Pointing a spear at a stuffed animal of some monster. Crying at his bedside. Hiding from shadows in a corner of a room. Shoving another puppet off of a cliff. Hugging another equally not-quite-right puppet... and then a very crude display in the last clip (but at least they're not anatomically correct).
Finally the brand name flashes across the screen, in bright, rainbow, neon letters.]
[At the very bottom of the screen, very small and blurry text flashes by very fast; if one goes through it frame-by-frame and squints they may notice the words "Test subjects will be selected randomly. Experiments will occur when subjects least expect." Some frames also seem to be replaced by arcane symbols and satanic imagery, as if to scare those trying to read the small text. If one is watching at normal speed, this all flashes by in the blink of an eye before the video suddenly cuts out. Hmm...]
What it actually shows is a crude puppet, with a scribbled-on baseball for a head and googly eyes that have weirdly realistic irises. It seems to be made to exist in a permanent state of shock, or... terror. Everything about the image is just a little bit wrong.]
Hey you! Yes, you!
[The words appear on a sort of title card, like a silent film, as if the creator hasn't mixed around with his vintage inspiration enough. And then the puppet can be seen spinning to look at the screen, its eyes jostled in their plastic sockets. Gross.]
Are you in need of PROTECTION AGAINST MONSTERS? Do you suspect someone isn't TELLING THE TRUTH?
Do you enjoy the RUSH OF FEAR? Do you seek to TEST YOUR LOYALTIES?
Do you wish to DEEPEN YOUR BONDS? (Or LIVEN YOUR INTIMATE LIFE?)
Do you enjoy the RUSH OF FEAR? Do you seek to TEST YOUR LOYALTIES?
Do you wish to DEEPEN YOUR BONDS? (Or LIVEN YOUR INTIMATE LIFE?)
[In the style of certain vintage-themed video games, the puppet can be seen in between these pitches engaged in actions related to each question. Pointing a spear at a stuffed animal of some monster. Crying at his bedside. Hiding from shadows in a corner of a room. Shoving another puppet off of a cliff. Hugging another equally not-quite-right puppet... and then a very crude display in the last clip (but at least they're not anatomically correct).
Finally the brand name flashes across the screen, in bright, rainbow, neon letters.]
LAMPYR
is here for you.
Enroll below for beta testing of this sensational product!
is here for you.
Enroll below for beta testing of this sensational product!
[At the very bottom of the screen, very small and blurry text flashes by very fast; if one goes through it frame-by-frame and squints they may notice the words "Test subjects will be selected randomly. Experiments will occur when subjects least expect." Some frames also seem to be replaced by arcane symbols and satanic imagery, as if to scare those trying to read the small text. If one is watching at normal speed, this all flashes by in the blink of an eye before the video suddenly cuts out. Hmm...]
text; un: Sly Blue
What kind of product does all those things?! And that mascot was creepy!
You heard it here first: SOUNDS FAKE.
@anonymous/text
We live on a moon, taken in by a portal that connects us to every alternate reality that we could possibly imagine. All things considered, Lampyr is a tame product compared to its potential.
no subject
This smells really fishy.
no subject
Lampyr is a bottled emotion provided in an injectible form. Explaining the possible effects of every human emotion would waste valuable run time. My job here is not soothing the concerns of those who don't trust the product, just to find those who are brave enough to find the answer to their problems. If you're completely sure of your own safety, and have no need to improve your social standing, Lampyr is not for you.
no subject
Is it really legal to ask people to beta test your product? It sounds like a drug!
[ THIS SURE IS SOME SHADY TOUE SHIT RIGHT HERE. ]
no subject
[Spoilers: It is probably none of those things.]
If drugs couldn't be beta-tested, we wouldn't have Advil. This is a medical trial to make sure there are no unintended side-effects.
no subject
If you're going to call it a medical trial, then call it a medical trial! I bet you can't, because then no one would sign up to something so suspicious!
[ Except Karamatsu, apparently... sigh. ]
no subject
[He has less perceptive saps to con.]