video; @fromTV

[spellslots]

[Oh hey, it's Taako, wearing Taako clothes and a pointy hat. Obviously it's Taako.]

I, the great Taako Taaco desire to learn new and exciting languages because I have a need to show everyone how smart I am behind this undeniably gorgeous face. You should teach me all your strange languages, as nothing is beyond my immensely powerful abilities.

[He's grinning, faux fanning himself like he's just too hot for this feed.]

Since I have all of your undivided attention, you must know that all my stunning good looks and amazing magical powers all come from the fact that I have a really small dick.

[And oh hey, it’s Taako again, except this time it’s just his voice off-screen:]

Hey dingus, have you seen my pho... ne..?

[It’s a very telltale trailing off, the way someone who has caught their shitty sister in the act of Pretending To Be Them™ in front of the entire fucking network.]

Gimme it, now.

[There’s a surprised shout and then a lot of cackling as the phone is pulled up and Taako #1 is running off to the other side of the room to get as far away from Taako #2 as possible.]

OH NO, AN IMPOSTOR! Save me! I’m too beautiful and sexy to die!

[Luckily, at least one member of this family remembers they’re a wizard, and the phone is mysteriously plucked from Taako #1’s hand and returned to the real Taako, who turns the phone to face him so everyone can see how done he is.]

What’s up, chucklefucks, I’d like to introduce you to my complete asshole of a sister who I hate more than anything in this world.

[From behind the phone, now;]

RUDE.

Don’t start shit you can’t finish. [He sticks his tongue out in her general direction, then turns his attention back the camera.] I’m for real about the languages thing, I’m bored and wanna learn new shit, she just jacked my idea before I could come ask. Do not believe her about the dick thing, though, that's fake as hell.

[With the alarming sound of encroaching footsteps, Taako quickly shuts off the feed.]

[ooc: Lup = red, Taako = purple. They're both the worst]

Comments

[umbrastaff]

What's your name, stranger?

[Get it, like your user name?]

[umbrastaff]

Same here. I got a job with said brother and I might do some work at the Magic Research Center as well.

[axefight]

[ modestly: ]

I've got a very large brain.

[axefight]

In the universe? 'Course there are. Earth alone has thousands.

[umbrastaff]

[She snorts at that, and then starts laughing.]

Okay, you're good by me.

[alchemyfreak]

It's as if this place doesn't exist.

[He has to be careful how he words this, he's still trying not to let out too much information about his automail to complete strangers.]

For instance, someone that .... Came through the portal without their arm could get a prosthetic here, but when they go back- their arm will be gone again.

[Or made out of shitty gun parts, you know. Whatever, canon. It definitely wasn't fully functional.]

If they came back here after that, they- may or may not return with the prosthetic from this world, but they definitely won't have it at home. So, no... If you lose an arm here, your- home world self wouldn't even notice.

[spellslots]

Unfortunately we didn't even get to a goodnight kiss, so the tentacles will have to wait for another chance.

[SOMEONE ruined his date by trying to flambé Kravtiz.]

[franciscoramon]

Hmmm, maybe. Then again, historically speaking, other nerds have a tendency to not be into me, like, at all.

[ That might be different, here in the quarantine. A lot of things are, after all. But Cisco hadn't been asking because he actually intended to use any of those lines on anyone. Despite Taako's occasional encouragements to do so, Cisco hasn't really been looking for any romance, here, at all.]

Yeah, it's kinda pretty, huh? So how's this work, do we set up a schedule? Do I get to assign you homework?

[ He's teasing. Or is he? ]

[spellslots]

You're too hot for like ninety percent of other nerds. It's probably intimidating. [As an aside, obviously meant for Lup:] I'm including Barold in that.

[He's rude. But not a liar, that Tom Arnold-looking motherfucker isn't hot.]

If you try to give me homework you're gonna get yourself turned into something weird. We can just hang out, the way we usually do.

[And they can just toss the occasional lesson in, no biggie.]

[spellslots]

We have like, twenty! Most races share a language with just some regional variations, who needs that many languages?

[Doesn't everyone just speak Common???]

[spellslots]

[softly, but with feeling:] Fuck.

[He knows he's already said that a couple times, but it bears repeating, as Taako pinches the bridge of his nose.]

I guess I don't have to worry about spoiling shit for anyone behind me in the timeline, but this is fucked up.

[He's going to go back and forget Lup all over again, which is pretty much the worst thing. He'd rather lose an arm.]

[alchemyfreak]

Right.

[His voice is softer now, almost sympathetic. He knows it's hard to hear, he had to hear it for the first time once, too. He witnessed it more than once.]

It's like I told my brother, any lessons we learn here won't do anything to change our future. I'm still going to go after him when I return to my world, I can't stop that even though I know now that it gets me killed-

[He stops there, seeming to realize he very nearly said too much. He didn't like to tell strangers too much about the stone, or Al using it - and adding that he pulled him back from death generally raised questions.]

[franciscoramon]

[ Cisco bites back his automatic 'am not', and goes for something with a little less blunt: ] Pretty sure that's not the reason, but you think what you wanna think.

[ He grins at the aside to Lup - Cisco doesn't know Barold or even what he looks like, but it's pretty amusing, Taako dragging his sister's boyfriend like that. It's a good thing to focus on so he doesn't overthink or get flustered about Taako saying he is too hot for most nerds, or for anybody at all. Compliments are complicated. ]

You wouldn't.

[ Actually, he's pretty sure Taako would; Cisco laughs and says: ] Alright. Hanging out I can do. I'll look around too, see if I can find us any terrible telenovelas to watch. Fun and educational.

[ He's not sure he'll be able to find that sort of thing here, or whether it's the best teaching method available, but making fun of overdramatic TV with Taako is always fun. ]

video @d.va

[bunnyhopped]

[ Hana just looks so, so amused but moreover— ]

Dude, you have a twin sister? Nice! Now which one of you parties harder?

[ She tosses a good old winkyface at the feed. ]

I can teach you Korean, f-y-i.

video; @fromTV

[spellslots]

Oh that'd be Lup, for sure.

[Lup goes harder in like... everything, which isn't something that Taako has any issues admitting. He got all the chill in the family, and there wasn't a whole lot going around to start with.]

Is that your native language?

[He's starting to wonder if he should learn more about Earth than just watching shitty TV shows.]

[spellslots]

If you say so, pumpkin.

[In the tone of I'm not buying it but we both know that arguing is pointless so that's move on, which is a lot to put into a few words, but Taako is clever like that.]

Gimme the recipes for some Spanish food and we can make a whole thing of it, it'll be fun.

[heirlift]

I mean, we do! But I didn't want to guess wrong and it's some kind of faux pas I didn't even know about, then everyone thinks I'm elf-racist for the rest of my life?

[heirlift]

I was talking to her, you know. Don't think I don't know what you did!

[ Rude, tbh. ]

[bunnyhopped]

Sure, but now I'm kinda wondering what it's like with both of you around!

[ note to self: go to town with these twins sometime ]

But yeah. [ she nods enthusiastically before continuing on in said native language, ] I'll do it, but it won't be free!

[franciscoramon]

Hell yeah, now we're talking. That's the makings of a great day right there.

[ Cisco will explain that he doesn't know any Spanish recipes and sort out the whole complicated Spanish-speaking-isn't-only-Spain and all that mess later in person, no need to get into it right now, when Taako is no doubt fielding a thousand different snarky responses to Lup's aspersions on his dick size. ]

[spellslots]

[Taako sets the phone down so that Edward gets a lovely view of the ceiling (there are glow in the dark star stickers on it, he's an adult), because he doesn't want to hang up, but he also needs a second to just handle... all of that, without broadcasting it to the entire network. He had his suspicions, about whether they'd remember anything, about whether they'd keep any changes, but hearing it confirmed is hard.

He doesn't miss what Ed says, but, well, going back home to get killed is pretty much what he's expecting, too, so it doesn't feel like that big of a deal.]

The places you went before all this shit, did they have something like the portal?

[spellslots]

I mean, usually someone dies, but that's just a risk you've gotta take for a real party.

[It sounds like a joke, but uh, well.

It's happened before.]

Oh, neat. I've heard a couple languages kinda similar but never learned one. [And without actually know what she said (they're just on the same wavelength here, because he wouldn't do it for free either):] You wanna learn something in return or am I paying you in cakes?

[spellslots]

I've done nothing wrong ever in my life

[axefight]

[ i mean, they have like. one. two-ish? - on his planet. he can't judge. ]

Humans, among other species. They never stop making new ones, they can't help it. The trouble is, they don't bother to learn most of them - you can imagine the sort of problems it causes, when you can't understand your own neighbor.

[spellslots]

Fuck that sounds confusing. At least almost everyone back home spoke Common, I kinda just assumed that's what English was for Earth.

[He knows... not a whole lot about Earth languages, obviously.]