text; anonymous

[rightly]

[ It's taken him some time to finally make up his mind and make this post. In fact, he lets it sit, all written up and ready to go, for a good while before deciding to go ahead with it. It's a silly thing, really; after Loki's taught him how to make an anonymous post, he knows no one will have any way of knowing it's him, so while he's admitting to something to the population of the Quarantine at large, no one will associate it with him, not unless he identifies himself.

He also knows he won't know the identity of anyone replying to the post, which at the moment is sort of the point. Anonymity is pretty useful in this situation. Eventually, depending on the answers he gets, he may just come to find the identity of some of these people, but for now, it offers some detachment, some distance. ]

I've been here for some weeks now, and I've come to realize that a few of us have been brought here because there was nothing else left for us. In other words, we are dead. Or we were, before we were brought back to life here. I know for a fact that I haven't been the only one to wake up at the hospital, surrounded by doctors and machinery, and it's admittedly something I'm still struggling with.

I'm not sure what to make of it. It fits what I've been told about how the portal is supposed to work. I felt out of place in the sense that I felt as if I'd reached the end of the line, that I'd have nothing else ahead of me. I'm yet to decide if this place is a new home for me, or if I'm living on borrowed time, but I won't lie: I'm glad to be alive and breathing.

It's difficult, though, not having someone to talk to about it. Granted, I'm not even sure I'd want to, but I'd like to have that option. Perhaps I'm not the only one who feels that way. Maybe a number of us are struggling in our minds with our situation, and we don't know if we can reach out, or to whom. So I've been wondering if, of those people in a similar situation to my own, anyone would be interested in some kind of get-together. A meeting to talk about our experiences— or even if you don't want to talk and would rather just listen to other people's stories, that's fine too.

I'm reluctant to share a lot about my own, so I admit I'm not all that sure about this. I guess I'm hoping for braver people than I to give me the push I likely need.

[ There, it's out of his system. It may amount to nothing but at least he's put it out there. ]

Comments

Voice - @lolococo416

[threatenwithcuteness]

It's... that probably feels like you're alone. And honestly I have no idea how I'd feel if I were in your shoes.

...If you wear shoes. I'm going to just assume you wear shoes and move on.

I'm not really the right person to try and help, cause... never really had to deal with that. Or anything like that. Or anything you can squint at and think it might be like that. But this place is weird, and crazy, and you can't possibly be alone because... well, you're here. So someone else like you must be here, right?

I don't really have anyway to help by understanding. But I have this thing where I make people feel calmer I guess? Could that help?

text; anonymous

[rightly]

I do wear shoes.

And yes, I know for a fact that I'm not alone, and that this predicament isn't exclusive to me. I know there are others here in very similar situations. I can't say I've met all of them, though, or that I even know who they are.

You'd have to ask each of them, I guess. I feel particularly calm in this place, to be honest with you. It's peaceful here.

[threatenwithcuteness]

It is and it isn't. There's stuff outside the wall, and occasionally weird things happen and it suddenly isn't peaceful and things get all stressful and weird.

And weird when 'living on a moon' is normal weird. So like really super weird!

If you know people also woke up like you, did you tell them you're like them? I mean, it's alright if you didn't. It's scary telling people something that real. But... maybe that'll help? And if suddenly things aren't peaceful, and you need something a little calming. I can help, you have my handle to contact me with if you ever decide to, like, show yourself.

[realists]

I'm not going to talk about it, but I'm in the same boat.

[ maybe it's so they won't feel alone or anything, but jyn knows that cassian specifically is in the same boat and they don't talk about any of this shit at all because nah. ]

text; anonymous

[rightly]

That's in your right. But then why bring it up here?

text ➙ forever

[realists]

Solidarity maybe

[ like, it doesn't feel bad to know it's not just her and cassian, but at the same time she doesn't want anyone to start asking her how she died. ]

Your idea sounds like the folks that would get together at home and drink, comparing their scars from the war.

video.

[veritron]

BLLLLAAAAAAAAAP [Or whatever a buzzer noise sounds like. Whatever, man.]

Wrong. We aren't dead. Trust me. I've been dead and this? This ain't it.

[Sure, Ratchet had gotten her back, but that's just Ratchet. He's kind of awesome like that. ]

And what's that about that 'nothing ahead of me' shit? You make that stuff. Always have. Life sucks. You lose all your friends, all at once, and you survive. You have to figure out what to do next. You have to find it.

[Ooops is she talking about herself here?]

text; anonymous

[rightly]

I'm not saying we're dead here. I'm saying some of us died back home, only to be brought back in this place.

When I say there's nothing ahead of me, I mean in the sense that there was nothing left back where I came from. One can make their own choices and shape their own lives only for as long as they live, not beyond that.

voice

[veritron]

Dude, if you think you've got all the answers, why the hell are you clogging up the damn comm line?

[Duuuude.]

You think, what? You're the only person who lost everyone or everything that gave their life meaning? Psssh. Eyeroll.

[Yeah, she's just going to actually say 'eyeroll' out loud, because reasons.]

[ text | un: anonymous ]

[dothelokimotion]

Is anyone even glad that you're alive? Or are you simply grateful for life's sake?

anonymous text forever;

[rightly]

Simply grateful for life's sake. There's no one here who knew me back home, so it would be a little difficult to have anyone here who would be glad I am alive.

[ Diana doesn't count. She barely knows him, let alone know the time they had together, or the sacrifice he made. ]

[dothelokimotion]

Does that not make it worse?

text | anonymous

[evasives]

[called the fuck out by this post!! he even has someone to talk about it with already, but has he?? no! that would be emotional competence.]

A face to face meeting would defeat the point of anonymity.

[rightly]

Maybe so. But anonymity only serves a purpose for now. In case it doesn't pan out, no one will have revealed themselves, and everyone can offer an input without worrying about being recognized.

In my case, for instance, while I might not mind revealing my identity to some, there are also a few I'd rather not tell about my fate. [ Or just the one, really. ]

[evasives]

There's no guarantee everyone who would show to such a meeting would keep the other attendees a secret.

Being anonymous here clearly means we don't want anything but a level of secrecy when it comes to this. It's not a bad place to begin.

It's unfortunate to see the trend of death is so common.

text; @eddie

[causational]

I'm in that exact situation.

I died before I got here. I've been here since February, so it's been...wow, over half a year since then.

I don't regret what I did to cause my death, and I wouldn't take it back. It's been hard for me to reconcile that with wanting to be alive, like somehow being happy that I have a second chance means I wasn't being serious about the sacrifice I made. But I'm working on it.

If you, or anyone else reading this, are feeling the way I am, please message me. I'd love to talk.

anonymous text forever;

[rightly]

[ It hits so close to home that it's almost eerie to Steve, and he stares at the screen for a good while, with no idea of how to respond. Funny thing is, he hadn't even thought about it that way. Hadn't even realized that maybe the little ache in his chest came from a place of guilt, not grief. The awareness of that possibility sheds a different light on things, lends a new perspective to the way Steve's feeling, even if it doesn't magically fix the way he's feeling. ]

What did you do to cause your death?

[ A moment, and another text comes through. ]

It's alright if you don't want to answer.

text forever;

[causational]

That's fine. I don't have anything to hide, not really. I shot myself. It was a complicated situation that involved time travel and a descendant of mine from the future that was going to kill everyone I ever loved. But you know. No me, no him.

The choice seemed really easy in the moment. Now, looking back on it, it's a lot more complicated. I didn't expect to have to deal with the fallout.

@ciscodelamancha | text ; private

[franciscoramon]

i'm not really up to a face to face get together, and i'm also not in the exact same situation, but i did die and come back, once, and i'm always willing to listen. and push, if you need it.

@s.trevor; private text forever

[rightly]

I believe we have met before.

[ It takes him a while to answer the text, for the simple reason he's debating whether or not he should reveal himself. He decides, eventually, that Cisco's someone he can trust minimally; someone who won't just run and tell anyone he meets about Steve's demise.

Besides, Steve now holds that same knowledge about Cisco, something he evidently doesn't like to share or talk about. Not that Steve would ever go and tell anyone else about it, of course. But it evens the scales. ]

It's alright if you don't want to talk about it. Honestly, I'm not entirely sure I want to talk about it myself, but I figured people who were in the same situation would understand better.

[franciscoramon]

[ Cisco needs a moment to place the last name, but when he does, it clicks, at once. Steve. That explained his certainty about not going home. He should have guessed.

It makes it a little easier, in a way, to type back: ]

hey steve.
i'm not a big fan of talking about it. at all. but i wouldn't have volunteered if i wasn't willing.
it's easier by text. for me anyway.
you can ask me anything you want. or i can tell you what happened to me. or listen if you wanna say what happened to you.
i might not understand 100% but i'll probably understand some.

text | un: anonymous

[angelic_archer]

I'm not one of the ones that arrived the way you did, but I know someone that has. I'm the only one who remembers that the person died. We were somewhere before where our memories were altered. I'm the only one who was allowed to keep that memory. The one who died and I are the only ones who remember it happened but they don't know everything that happened that night.

It's not the same, but it's difficult knowing that it happened and I can't discuss it with anyone. I have to pretend it never happened. I can't share any aspect of it with the people I care about because the person who died might learn the truth.

anonymous text forever;

[rightly]

Then you do have one similar issue to my own. That's something you can't possibly share, and you have to act as though it didn't happen, or at least you don't know of it. It's difficult, acting as if everything's alright and the same as always.

That person's with you here, then?

text.

[radicalspeed]

That's rough, buddy.

[I swear he's got better shit to say, but y'know. Stream of conscious, this one.]

anonymous text forever;

[rightly]

Thank you, I suppose?

[ What else does he even say to that??? ]