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What is it about the power going out that turns everyone into snivelling babies? It's a little dark, not the end of the god damn world. There are more than a few people here who come from times before electricity was even a thing, so stop being a baby just because you suddenly have to deal with some shitty candlelight for awhile. [ This, all spoken as though Yuri wasn't the poster child for a technological addiction. He's had to go without snapchat for what feels like a century now, and he misses instagram terribly. What the fuck is wrong with this place that it doesn't have some version of instagram?

But that's not really why he's decided to post to the network, anyway. ]

For all of the monsters and the shitty weather and the other bullshit, I have exactly one nice thing to say about this place:

They gave me back my cat. [ For a split second Yuri's expression softens, but it's gone too quickly to really make note of, as he spins his cellphone down towards the floor, where a small, fluffy white and black cat is winding around his ankles, meowing softly. ] If you're allergic to cats, don't come up to the third floor. I'll try to keep her contained to my apartment, but she's an escape artist. If you see her around, bring her back to me. And if anyone ever hurts her, I will fucking destroy you.

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Come near my cat with anything sharp and I promise to filet the skin from your bones and feed it to you before you ever even so much as get a whiff of her shit.

[ Yuri says this positively deadpan, eyes sharp with warning. Maybe Ivar is joking, but then again- maybe not. It's enough for Yuri to issue the threat, at least. ]

[That was a better reaction than Ivar could have hoped for. He laughs at Yuri's reaction. Seriously, all that over a cat.]

That's precious. You're adorable. [Yeah, he'll have to better than that to threaten a Viking who's blood-eagled someone before. Then he sobers up just enough to ask.] Tell me, have you actually ever killed a man before?

Yeah it'll be real adorable when I kick your head in too. [ Yuri huffed, scowling further, gripping his phone tight- glad that Ivar couldn't see it as his jaw locked, chewing the inside of his cheek in irritation. ]

Would you like to find out? [ He snarls, bristling. ] I can give you a hands on demonstration if you threaten my cat again.

[ He's all bark, though. Whoops. ]

Keep talking. Say something else to make me laugh. [He'll take Yuri seriously when he actually proves himself to be a threat.]

Here's a word of advice to the not so wise from someone whose killed people up close. If you want to threaten someone with death, just do it. Don't stand around talking about it.

Blah blah blah. Better to be entertaining than boring. [ He huffs, scowling at the other and rolling back, flopping down on his couch and (unseen) kicking his feet up on the table, his cat hopping up into his lap, and beginning to knead at his leg. ]

If you don't think that isn't cute as fuck then I don't know what the hell is wrong with you.

Better to be clever than foolish. [And Ivar is nothing if not clever.]

I will admit animals have a certain charm. But you have to be prepared in case things take a turn for the worse. Unless, of course, you'd prefer I eat you.

Any fool can criticize, condemn, or complain. And most fools do.

[ Yuri laughs, though, grinning and displaying teeth. It could have almost been threatening, but mostly, Yuri was just amused. ]

We'll see who eats whom, if it comes to it.

If you can actually overpower and get the better of me, I deserve to be eaten.

[Look at that cocky smirk. It's clear what he thinks of that idea.]

Then you'd best hope it doesn't come to that.

[ Yuri can't help but smile though, the conversation feels absurd. He laughs despite himself, shaking his head and disturbing the cat in his lap, who huffs, indignant, and pads off out of screen. ]

[Ivar laughs in turn. It's been a while since he was able to just mess around with someone and get them to joke with him. Even psychopaths have moments filled with levity.]

I've gone sixteen years without having to turn to cannibalism to survive. I hope to go at least sixteen more.

[ Yuri may not have killed anyone, or be a viking in truth- but his spirit had always been fierce. A warrior's soul. Ivar's slightly off-kilter tendencies didn't really seem to phase him at all. ]

You're sixteen? [ It's weird that they're so similarly aged, with such vastly different life experiences. It's part of what Yuri finds interesting about this place, and confusing, too. Yuri doesn't really think much about his own age- about how he's missed his birthday here, or trying to figure out how that works. Is he fifteen, or sixteen? Did it really matter when this place was so wildly strange in the first place? ] I can't even imagine what you're sweet sixteen must have been like. I hope you set something on fire, for good measure.

[If Yuri hasn't been scared off yet, then Ivar knows he's probably got a friend. Odd for someone who's gone most of their life without any.]

Truth be told, I think I was killing someone. Probably multiple someones. [So not too different than a usual day in Ivar's life. Things had sort of blurred together since forming an army and raiding England to get revenge on the entire country for one man's death.]

Sounds like a wild party. [ Completely deadpan. And also maybe a little impressed, his lip curling into a faint smirk. ] So when is it?

[ He doesn't know why he asks; it's silly, superfluous information. Probably shouldn't even matter, but... He's still thinking about his own, now. How it was, and wasn't. ]

The beginning of Einmánuður.

[Sorry, Yuri, Vikings didn't use the contemporary names for months, only the days of the weeks. Ivar was born at the end of what passed for winter in Norway.]

I don't know when the hell that is. [ There's no point in pretending that the several-centuries-past names for things don't confuse Yuri, because why the heck would he have ever known it before? ]

What season was it? And don't say something else I don't understand like- I don't know- Blarghldarh or something.

Excuse me. You still use the same names for the days of the week. [For which he was thankful for. It helped give him some sense of continuity here in this new place.] How am I supposed to know what didn't make it through a thousand years of change?

There's really only two seasons in Kattegat: winter and summer. Einmánuður is the last month of winter, you ignorant heathen.

Says the one who has never heard of instagram. [ Yuri snorts, rolling his eyes. ] Clearly you need to do more homework on the modern age.

[Ivar scowls, biting back the obvious question of what was Instagram. He thinks he's been doing just fine on getting up to date, thank you very much.]

Maybe if the learning period didn't span over a thousand years, I might be doing better. I'm going to drag you back with me to Kattegat and see how long you survive in a world without all your fancy technology.

Bring it on. I'll bring my knife shoes and really show you a thing or two.

[ Yuri actually doesn't really think he would survive living without indoor plumbing, but then again... ]

I'll bring all of my fancy technology knowledge and be worshipped like some sort of God. [ Or you know, murdered for being a heathen. One of the two. ]

You'd last two days at the most before you got used for target practice. And that's if a wolf didn't eat you first, you wimp. [He doesn't think too much of Yuri's bluster. He'd adapted pretty well to the modern world, but he couldn't see the reversal going that well.]

Unless you can teach Vikings how to kill better, they won't be that impressed.

I'll show you who's a wimp!!! I'd make mincemeat out of a wolf, just like I'd pulverize you, you stupid shit! [ It isn't all bluster, and Yuri knew he could back up his words with action if it came to it. He's had enough training, plenty of practice with James to hold his own in a fight, at least. ]

Maybe I can, if I ever get the opportunity to find out I damn well will just to shove your face in it later. [ And because he is very mature, he sticks out his tongue. ]

You can try. And you'll fail like everyone else does, you windbag. [Ivar's used to be underestimated by people. It makes it all the sweeter when he beats the crap out of them.]

Keep talking. You're entertaining. [He'll just roll his eyes. They're both a pair of mature and well adjusted young men.]

Don't be so sure. Doesn't matter what you think, I know I can back up my words with actions. Can you say the same? [ He snarled, lip curling back as he looked vicious . ]

I get it, though. Being intimidated by greatness. It's okay Ivar, I won't hold it against you. [ He snorts. ]

I already know I can. I don't need to talk shit like you do. [Ivar was confident enough in his abilities. He'd worked a lifetime to become just as good as everyone else around him. There's a fierce look in his eyes that says he can back up whatever he says.]

When I find someone worthy of being intimidated by, I'll be sure to let you know. [Take that.]

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