riverview | Second Ax [@the.boneless, video]

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Second Ax [@the.boneless, video]

[Ivar's improving on using the video function. This time, he gets it on the first try. His voice is just a little above a whisper and he's looking off to the side at something just beyond the camera. The background shows he's in the forest beyond the city.]

Does anyone know where I can find a fire-proof bridle?

[The question seems a bit of a non-sequitur until he turns the camera to the side. There's a Ponyta standing not too far off. Ivar's been trying to get it closer all afternoon. It's taken a lot of patience, but now it's only about ten feet away. Its diamond-shaped eyes narrow as it watches the Viking and the Pokemon tosses its head, too suspicious to come any closer.]

Come on. I won't hurt you. Just a little further. Come on.

[For someone who usually keeps everyone at arm's length with a combination of sarcasm and toughness, he sounds far more gentle than usual. It seems to be working, as the Ponyta takes a hesitant step forward, ears pricked forward in anticipation. Ivar's face is a combination of wonder and awe. He's about ten seconds away from completely freaking out. This creature looks like something from an old legend, a horse with a mane and tail of fire. This qualifies as the coolest thing he's seen since he came to the city.]

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Of course. Axes are for throwing. Swords are for stabbing. And knives are for both. I have all three.

[Why yes, he is bloodthirsty and possibly mentally unbalanced, thanks for noticing.]

At least I wasn't named after an insect, Bug Man. And by the time I'm done raiding England, no one will care what name I have. They'll just fear me.

[He'll take his proper place in history one way or another.]

Right. Well. Ask a silly question, right?

[Or in this case, make a nerdy comment and get An Answer.]

Remind me never to piss you off.

[Scott can handle himself in a fight, but, hey, why if you don't have to?]

I didn't pick the name! [SOMEONE sounds a bit defensive!]

Uh, not to break my reminder already, but you probably aren't conquering England from here.

Besides, I think some French guy beat you to it.

Smart man. Now you're learning.

[Staying on the good side of a Viking known for his brutality even among other Vikings is a good strategy to live longer.]

Tch, touchy much, Ant Man? [Ignore that smirk. It's not like he's deliberately goading you or anything at this point.]

It's not conquering. Conquering implies I want to rule the place. All I want to do is raze every part of it until there's nothing left but a broken husk of what it used to be, and every man, woman, and child is terrified of what might happen if they cross my path.

[Every teen needs a hobby. Ivar's is coming up with ways to conquer most of the known world.]

[Yeah, well, you're in for a surprise, because pissing people off is Scott's number one skill.]

Hey, look, I'm just saying I would have come up with something way cooler.

[Though when the bar is 'ant man' that bar's pretty low.]

Uh huh. And same point, though. Can't exactly unleash mayhem on some place you aren't.

Really? What would you have picked?

[He gives a look that says he doesn't expect much from Scott.]

I'll get back there eventually. [He's in a little bit of denial about being stuck here, unwilling to acknowledge that he can't go home, and is separated from his family.] And until then, I have time to plan.

[Well, crap. Never been busted on this before.]

I don't know! I never got the chance! All I got was a suit and a crazy guy yelling in my ear and a bunch of ants.

[Much less awesome than most hero origin stories.]

You sure you're still going to be into all that razing and viking-ing by the time we get back? [Because, oh yeah, he's planning on getting back himself.]

That's about what I thought you'd say.

[Just look at that smirk. Yeah, it's hard to have respect for a man themed around ants.]

I doubt my anger or thirst for revenge is going to just disappear. I'm going to kill my father's murderers if it takes the rest of my life.

[Besides, it's all Ivar really knows. His culture revolves around brutality, battling, raiding, and killing to please the gods.]

Really? You thought I'd say something about crazy guys yelling in my ear?

[So much doubt.]

Oh, well. Yeah. Revenge. I kinda get that.

No. But I figured it had to be some level of insanity.

[He's not entirely sure Scott is entirely sane after the majority of this conversation.]

Nothing better than than watching the light fade from your enemies eyes as you kill them.

[You know, the typical stuff every sixteen year old does.]

Dude. Dude. Don't call a guy crazy, like. Ever. If the guy isn't crazy, he's gonna want to punch you, and if he is crazy, well, you probably don't want to rile him.

[Life advice, courtesy of San Quentin.]

Uh.

If you say so, man. I'm kind of more of a 'keep 'em a live and watch 'em suffer' guy.

Like that's ever stopped me before.

[He enjoys picking fights with people.]

Where's the fun in that? Death is a lot more satisfying, especially when you can stretch it out over hours.

[Small moment while Scott scrubs his face with a hand--no, make that both hands.]

Please tell me you're at least a huggy drunk?

[Allow him to have hope!]

Yyyyyyyeah. Anyone ever tell you you sound like a serial killer?

I'm more likely to punch you in the face.

[Sorry, Scott. You're talking to a bonafide psychopath.]

Only since I arrived here. Killing is a natural part of life for Vikings.

[He just so happens to like killing even more than the average Viking.]

....not really surprising, You don't know anyone named Peachy, do you?

[Probably not, but right now Scott would love to make that happen. Let the drunk punching begin!]

Riiiiigh. Look. Just don't kill anyone here, okay? I mean, unless they're...nah, just no one. Kill no one.

That would be a no.

[Ivar smiles then. It's not a happy smile, more like the type of grin he might use before politely telling someone he was going to cut their throat.]

I make no promises.

Yeah, figured. I mean, the world's still intact, right?

[Peachy vs Boneless Dude. Yeah that would cause a rift in the space time continuum or something.]

Look, just...[Agh, he sucks being a good guy.] Just be careful.

I usually am. It's how I've survived this long.

[Don't worry about him, Scott. Worry about anyone who pisses him off.]

[Hey, Scott's worrying about EVERYONE and you can't stop him.]

Just like...do we even KNOW what the consequences are here for stuff like that? Because I can tell you, just standard USRDA prison? Not fun.

[He can worry all he likes. It will probably be justified and also give Scott grey hairs in the meantime.]

Unless they put a red-hot knife into your side here once they lock you up, it's got to be better than what I've seen back home.

[Noooooo! Scott's too young for grey hair!]

Uh.

[ Yeah, how do you come back from that? ]

I'll take your word for it.

But think about it, man. They've got some weird magic freaky types here. They could probably do some scary shit.

[Psh, he's already middle-aged by the standards of the 800s. Deal with it, Ant-Man.]

It takes a lot to scare me.

[And no one is ever going to see it unless he gets forced into open water. Then they'll be able to hear him screaming from one side of the city to the other.]

[No one tells Ant Man what to deal with!]

Oh?

Like....clowns? [Because, seriously. Cassie loves them? But NOPE. ]

[No one except teenaged Vikings with an attitude, apparently.]

No. You simply light those abominations on fire to deal with them.

[He'd had to be dissuaded from doing just that during the last festival when he'd encountered one.]

[Well, he can't really fault that response. It's only the sane response when faced with clowns.]

Okay, fine. So, let's try [Because this is 20 Questions: what scares people, apparently.] Confined spaces.

That smell bad.

[This conversation has taken a turn for the bizarre. Then again, that's how it's seemed thus far entirely.]

....Clearly, you underestimate the power of a longship full of unwashed Vikings.

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