Video; thunderer [Thor 3 Spoilers]

[worldsaway]

[You can tell from the moment Thor's face appears on camera, he's been through hell and back. His hair is almost entirely buzzed down, save for the tufts on top, with markings shaved into the sides. His eye is covered by a black patch, indicating an injury that he isn't happy to talk about.]

I've made some changes. [Bluntly, as if he consented to any of this.]

What else.. Some things have happened at home that may be of interest to some of you. [He hums, considering.] Odin is dead. I have another sister? Her name is Hela. Mjolnir is destroyed. Banner is alive. [He feels a little guilty revealing that one, but he thinks someone deserves to know.] I fought the Hulk. I won. I met a real, live Valkyrie- And Asgard is.. [A people, not a place, but..] The realm has been destroyed. My people are seeking refuge, I suppose I understand now what displacement feels like.

I have the remains of Asgard in a ship, floating through space. If a portal could open for them, that would be extremely useful to me right now. I'm a king with no land or people, now. Very poetic. [Does he seem terse? He's kind of tense.


And then Loki comes barging in, looking very much the same and carrying a large parchment. He glances at the recording with a frown. He places the map of Earth on the wall, pinning it with a single dagger.]

Must you reveal everything? Put that away, I have work for you.

Comments

[dothelokimotion]

[ Loki tries to say no, it's fine, he's coping but nothing comes out. Instead, he nods, his gaze dropping to the floor. ]

[livingsymbol]

Come on. You don't have to hold back with me.

[ He pulls Loki closer and leads him over to the couch, sitting him down with his mug and sitting next to him as he gives him time to breathe again. ]

[dothelokimotion]

I am not trying to.

[ But it seems at this point, Loki's words are failing him. Steve had called it a shock and perhaps that was the best word for it. Because deep down, Loki didn't feel as much as Thor did. Even during his stint as king, Loki tolerated them. Entertained them. Enjoyed the way they danced to his whims like sheep. But they would have forgotten him. Like Hela.

His fingers rub against the ceramic, the heat weaving itself into his skin. ]

I'm not — [ His hands are shaking and he sets the mug abruptly. ]

[livingsymbol]

Shh.

[ Steve takes the mug from him, moving it away so it doesn't get knocked to the floor. He puts a steadying hand on Loki's back. ]

Easy. You don't have to say anything. I'm still here.

[dothelokimotion]

[ He nods, faintly numb to the core as he rests his head on Steve's shoulder, trying not to burrow himself deep. ]

Perhaps there is something wrong with me.

[livingsymbol]

There's nothing wrong with you.

[ He doesn't have to know what spurred that thought. Steve lets Loki lean on him, putting one arm around his back to keep him steady. ]

You're still okay. Trust me. You don't need to have all the answers.

[dothelokimotion]

[ Loki doesn't say anything to that, curling himself around Steve. He wonders what he should say. What he could say without driving people away. I essentially killed my father seems like a deal breaker. He misses Asgard, but it does not leave the ache Thor feels. Granted, Thor is now king and bears the weight of Asgard's destruction.

What is Loki now? ]

I am the worst thing to happen to my family.

[livingsymbol]

No, you aren't.

[ Steve's answer is firm, but quiet. He can't know what Loki or Thor went through, but certain things he also can't believe. No matter how things happen or what damage was done, that kind of damning statement will never be a truth to him. ]

I don't believe that and neither should you.

[dothelokimotion]

You believe the best of me.

[ Which no one should. And yet, Loki wants that. And has it in his hands, a tentative flame hope amidst this disaster. Can Steve make the best of him the real truth? He exhales quietly, threading his fingers together so they no longer tremble. ]

[livingsymbol]

I have no reason not to.

[ Steve holds Loki against him, one arm around his back. He keeps him supported like he thinks he can stop the shiver threatening to return. ]

We'll be all right.

[dothelokimotion]

[ In a quiet voice. ]

We?

[livingsymbol]

We. [ He repeats it with confidence. ]

You don't think I'll leave you to deal with this alone, do you?

[dothelokimotion]

[ Loki blinks quiet tears from his eyes. He reaches to wrap his fingers around Steve's collar and pulls him into a desperate kiss, salt on his lips. ]

Come with me.

[livingsymbol]

Come where?

[Because in the aftermath of that kiss Steve is confused, wondering momentarily what Loki means. Then he smiles, putting his arms around him.]

You mean to your world?

[dothelokimotion]

Yes.

[ It's unfair of Loki to ask this, he knows. He's the one who refused Steve's offer to go back to his world. Still, Loki is nothing if not selfish and unfair. He won't let his fear stop him from asking and if Steve says no, then Loki can respect that, but he won't leave the question mired in doubt. He presses his forehead against Steve's in a quiet muted sigh. ]

I know I'm not — [ He's not enough, he never will be. ] — I may not be enough. I know that at times you feel the same. So damn all of that and come with me.

[livingsymbol]

[ Steve's eyes widen. He was not prepared for that question, no matter how much he may care for Loki and how ready he always believes himself to be. It's asking him to set aside decades worth of dedication and people he's committed to. Maybe it isn't forever, but the abrupt way he ends up facing the decision leaves him stumbling. ]

I... don't know. I have to help watch out for the people here. And there are those at home that need me.

[ It's an ingrained answer, one he has grown so used to over the years. But now Steve isn't sure how true it is. ]

[dothelokimotion]

[ Loki nods. He knows, deep down that Steve could not. Would not. He has ties in other places and even if those foundations are shaky, Steve would find himself again. Loki is a passing thought. And when faced with this decision, could Loki leave Thor? Probably. It's different for him. Either way . . . Either way . . .

He swallows it down with a smile. He asked. Whatever comes of it, Loki has no regrets in this. He asked. He did not remain in doubt. He smooths down Steve's hair gently. ]

It is fine. I understand.

I love you still.

[livingsymbol]

[ There's a quiet chill that works its way up Steve's spine as he watches the tension leave Loki and bring back a smile the blond knows as resignation. The cold clutches at him, wrapping around muscle and bone until he feels his chest clench taut, driving out the air. He clenches his teeth, bites against the sting of it, and refuses to let it keep him stunned. But he knows he let Loki down. This was a pivotal decision, one the god was handing him in good faith, and in the end, Steve couldn't rise to meet his request. ]

I'm sorry.

[ It's been a while since he said something that just wasn't good enough. ]

[dothelokimotion]

For what?

[ He continues to play with Steve's hair to keep his hands occupied. Otherwise he'd start fidgeting and the last thing he wishes to do is leave room for doubt. But he is gentle as he brushes a kiss against Steve's forehead. ]

I didn't simply ask for you, to measure you up to this decision. I asked for me. I rather know than . . . leave it to doubt. To never ask and never know. Do not be sorry that your calling is elsewhere. Be proud of it.

[livingsymbol]

I'm not.

[ He should be happy to have that purpose to call him back, to go home to, but with his friends here under tentative circumstances and now this with Loki Steve isn't happy at all. He feels out of sorts, unable to stay in one place and be confident he made the right choice. ]

I'm proud of you. You right now... I wish I had the answer you wanted.

[dothelokimotion]

Better that I have an answer than just one I wished for.

[ Getting what he wants, well, it's not always for the best. After all, that is how Odin justified the lie he raised Loki in. Yes, there are things Loki still wants and he would have been overjoyed if Steve came. But not at the expense of Steve's happiness. ]

Be at ease. I am not upset.

[livingsymbol]

[ He's not upset, he says, but to Steve the failure is there. He's paying for his life by making the most of it; doing whatever he can to help the people around him. And now he can't help someone he's come to love.

He nods, unsure what to do or what his feelings really are. ]

[dothelokimotion]

[ Honestly, Loki is not sure what he expected. He doesn't have a future outlined and love plays no part in it. The fact that, from what he can recall, drifting in space without any real plans sort of throws a wrench even in Riverview. Thor may have plans and Bryn's plans may coincide with Thor's, but they are still gods playing with mortals. Even if they mean well . . . it's never a good thing. ]

Nor do I think you've let me down. You know who you are. Where your calling is.

[livingsymbol]

[Steve makes a noncommittal noise. He does know who he is and what he is meant to be, but where is still in question. Bucky is struggling with that answer as well and Steve knows irrefutably that he can't abandon his friend. But he can't completely turn his back on anyone. His world or Quarantine or the people he's met.]

Sometimes I don't think I know half of what people think I do.

[dothelokimotion]

Is that not the nature of people? To form conclusions based on hearsay and assumptions?

[ Which isn't to say Loki doesn't struggle against it, but he does the same thing. It's a hypocrisy he's accepted, not quite circumvented though. ]

What do you want them to know of you? If there is only one thing they can remember and keep in mind?