ηʹ → ( 𝗏𝗂𝖽𝖾𝗈 ) un; ghostking

[deathkid]

[ sitting in his room in marco's mansion with a record player belting out blitzkrieg bop. not so loud that he can't be heard, but it's clearly cranked up a little. nico, meanwhile, is sharpening his sword and looking a little put out. after having his memories shared with multiple people, he's not feeling too sociable. but he can hear jason grace in his head telling him he needs to get out of the house and talk to people. ]

Eight months. I've been here eight months and there's still no way to get back to camp. Back... home.

[ the fact he calls camp home now truly reveals just how much he misses his friends and family. ]

This place isn't too bad, but being the only demigod around here kind of sucks. I don't know how many people around here get homesick, but I would certainly accept even some of the gods, Greek gods showing up. No offense to you Norse types.

[ he picks up his sword and sets his thumb against the edge, cheering up a little as it nicks the skin, causing blood to well to the surface. sucking on his thumb, he sets the sword aside. ]

Whatever. Anyone want to go outside quarantine and kill some stuff?

Comments

[deathkid]

[ making a low noise in the back of his throat, he works through what ed has said. there's something in his voice that makes nico think that ed is feeling guilty, if the words aren't enough. things could be the way he wants ed says and nico wonders why they can't be. what's holding ed back? ]

Do you love him?

[alchemyfreak]

Of course I do, he's my brother.

[That's not what Nico's asking, and he knows it, but when did Ed ever think about his own feelings unless it was to protect or push forward for someone else?]

It's... complicated. It would be complicated even if he wasn't my brother, but he is so that only adds to it.

[deathkid]

Well... [ still looking up at the ceiling, he shrugs. ] I mean, I can't judge. I was in love with my cousin for a while. Half of all demigods are related and we intermarry all the time. Incest is very Greek, you know?

[ lowering his gaze again, he watches ed with dark eyes. ]

Do you want to be with him. Forget about everything else for a minute. Forget about obligations and society and all that stuff. If you could, would you be with him that way?

[alchemyfreak]

I guess.

[Ed had learned a few things since the last time they talked about anything being Greek. He flinches at the question, not looking at Nico even if he is watching him now.]

Like I said, it's complicated. I don't know, okay? I don't know what I want. I did once, but-

[It wasn't fair to say it was a long time ago, not when he and Al had just spoken about it in August, but- what he wanted in theory years ago and what this had become in practice in the present... They weren't the same thing. He was going to have to own up to that sooner or later, but right now he felt like if he just kept trying, things might work out.]

all I know now is I want to stop messing up everybody's lives that get close to me. No one really gets it, I've watched him come and go so many times I lost count... Every time he came back it was like starting over with a stranger, sometimes he wanted this and sometimes he didn't- I didn't know what to do... eventually I just shut out my own feelings about it. I would do anything for him that's all that ever mattered.

[but that hadn't been enough, not when he was hurting Al this way. There was one element to all of this he just couldn't talk to Nico about, though. Something that he hadn't even had time to think about in Purg or before that, and that he'd had to consider very seriously now.]

I just can't see myself being with him.

[deathkid]

[ nico is patient as ed talks through his thoughts, filters through his feelings out loud. sometimes people need that, to be able to figure out what their emotions really are. nico knows this from experience. it had taken being honest with himself and with jason grace for him to begin the steps towards getting over percy.

he wonders now if he's doing the right thing by encouraging ed to speak towards his own feelings. ]

Being with him how? Romantically? Sexually? [ he manages to say it without color coming to his pale cheeks. ] If you want my opinion, you should stop focusing on the past and take advantage of what you have now. Regret is one surefire way to live an afterlife as a lost shade. Without being sure, you're one step closer to Asphodel.

[alchemyfreak]

[The guilt and pain doesn't leave his expression until Nico tells him to stop thinking about the past so much. He can't help the laugh that escapes, quick and rueful, more of a scoff than anything. It reminded him of what Izumi said years ago, but this- this was different.]

Then I guess I already know what my future holds.

[He's not going to beat around the bush on that topic, Ed knew his life was full of regret. Regardless of this situation with Al, if regret guaranteed him any sort of afterlife it didn't take much convincing that he was destined for that exact outcome.]

I'm not focusing on the past, I'm focusing on the future. We can't forget the past if we're going to learn from it. If one of us leaves we'll have to start over again, it's the same thing over and over. Every time.

[A pause, considering before speaking again. Lucky for Nico he doesn't blush, but Ed does, gaze lowering pointedly and waving a hand as if that indicated anything. He really didn't want to talk about this, it was bad enough when Jason brought it up.]

Last time I had to think about this I didn't exactly have much of a frame of reference for- any of that, it's... different now. I just can't see myself- being with him physically.

[There okay, he said it. Was Nico happy? Why did all of his friends insist on asking about his sex life?]