riverview | (OPEN) anonymous text;

What do you do...when you know there's no way to really change anything in your future? Knowing that something bad is going to happen to you and you might change into something you fear.

[ Of course even if it weren't for the alternate reality fiasco he'd changed into a monster before back home. He feels...so hopeless in not turning into a horrifying monster here that he's not sure what to do. Especially after what happened recently at the light festival. ]

Even if you prepare for it as best as you can... [ there's just no way a phrobiest can ever outrun turning into a monster, is there? Or...perhaps there is here. Which was the main point of all of this in the first place. ]

I'd like to ask if anyone has a power suppression collar, or something that can aid in power suppression. I'd be really grateful if you could message me about it.

[ He's sort of desperate and he's not sure if meditation will be enough. He wants to make sure...that if it happens again he can stop himself next time. ]

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You're anonymous, right? Unless I know the story, I can't really say more. Things can change. People can change. I know that.

[ Shigeru knows that too but this isn't really...something that he thinks can be fixed. It's just like back home all over again. ]

But this sort of thing...I don't really think it can be changed.

[ At least not here or even back home. ]

Maybe I can stop it by suppressing my powers but I don't think I can ever really get rid of it. It's a part of me.

Is just having it so bad if you can learn to control it? If you can't get rid of it, learn to control it instead of letting it control you.

The thing is...I lose control of myself when it happens. I...turn into someone...something entirely different. I don't think anyone has ever fought it and controlled it before.

So be the first one.

Is it a mental thing? A physical thing? Whatever it is, just train until you're stronger than it is.

[ Be the first...

Shigeru has tried so many times. But when that power overtakes him it's like he loses all sense of self. ]

It's mental and...magical in a way. My powers are linked to something called a gate. And my mental state affects my gate adversely. But the power that makes me lose control is from the dark god's curse. When our gates go haywire his power...it overtakes us.

[ He knows he's saying a lot but talking about it makes him feel a bit better. ]

There's no way to stop his influence over us. I don't know if I can get stronger than a god. I don't want to give up but when it happens I can't really control myself.

You're that much of a danger, huh?

You should keep training, but until then, get somebody who can take you out until you come back to yourself again.

If I can't be stopped, yes.

[ A pause. ]

I guess you're right. I wanted to find another way...the power suppression would help with that.

I can fight. If you're going to be a danger, I'd stop you anyway.

(He's offering to watch when he changes without openly offering. A lack of social skills can make things difficult.)

[ Well Shigeru appreciates the offer despite it being a morbid one. ]

I hope it doesn't...come down to that.

[ He doesn't want to fight or hurt anyone of course. But he knows that in that state...it's impossible to control himself. ]

(Noctis won't kill him, but he could likely restrain him until he's able to come to his senses.)

I'm Noctis. I'm at the communal buildings right now, in case you need somebody to hold you back.

I appreciate that, Noctis. I'm...sorry for leaving such a weird first impression. It's just...terrifying not being able to control yoursself and hurting people that you care for.

Yeah, it probably would be. I can't say I know.

But you know, it's not your fault either if you do what you can to stop it. Do everything you can to fight it, but you shouldn't be too hard on yourself. Just don't give up on it.

[ It's not his fault...and he knows that. Still hearing it from someone makes him feel a bit better. ]

Thank you. That...makes me feel a lot better.

I'll definitely try to not lose hope. [ It's just...hard knowing what he knows about it. ]

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