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What do you do...when you know there's no way to really change anything in your future? Knowing that something bad is going to happen to you and you might change into something you fear.

[ Of course even if it weren't for the alternate reality fiasco he'd changed into a monster before back home. He feels...so hopeless in not turning into a horrifying monster here that he's not sure what to do. Especially after what happened recently at the light festival. ]

Even if you prepare for it as best as you can... [ there's just no way a phrobiest can ever outrun turning into a monster, is there? Or...perhaps there is here. Which was the main point of all of this in the first place. ]

I'd like to ask if anyone has a power suppression collar, or something that can aid in power suppression. I'd be really grateful if you could message me about it.

[ He's sort of desperate and he's not sure if meditation will be enough. He wants to make sure...that if it happens again he can stop himself next time. ]

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If you know your future, then you have an advantage over the 'you' that first went through it. Right? 'You' know more.
>I've never been someone who believes in fate.

[ Genji doesn't think it's Shigeru. He would probably still say the same thing to him if he did, although it'd be a lot more emotional. ]

[ He just...really wants to tell Genji who he is right now. He's worried that Genji will look at him differently though like back home. Even if people said they were okay with him after seeing him like that, after everything he did, and turned into that monster. He knows people are afraid of him, including Alex. It really hurts...it hurts so much and he's not sure what to do. ]

I can't...I can't stop it though. Even knowing everything about it. It's getting worse and I...I don't know what to do, Genji.

[ Oh, damn. He let it slip. But he's way too tired and in pain to really care. He hadn't meant to do that. But he just doesn't care right now. He's hurting and Genji always makes everything right. He always manages to calm him down but he feels horrible placing this burden on him. ]

I'm scared that I might hurt you too.

[ To say that Genji's heart bottoms out of his chest and to the floor is an understatement. What is this about? Is it about the memory he saw, of when he was tortured?

He'd glad he's alone in his room as he switches to voice, knowing he wouldn't be able to get his point across in text anymore. ]

Shigeru, is this you? Why are you saying this? Do you need me? [ A pause, voice softer. ] You would never hurt me. I know that.

[ Ugh. Now he's gone an made a huge mess of things, hasn't he? He didn't want Genji to respond or see this for that reason. He knew he couldn't...lie or hide from the other man. At least he's thankful for not being able to speak because he's not sure how he'd ever say what he's going to say without his voice breaking. ]

I want to see you. [ He really, really, does but he's such a mess right now and he doesn't want to bother the other with all of this. He's scared that he'll just make a mess of things with Genji too. He's so bad at this sort of thing. Maybe this is why he should stick to being alone. ]

When I lose control...I will. I can't control it, you saw it when I transformed into that monster. [ He's just a monster underneath it all, isn't he? ]

I'm sorry. I didn't...want to burden you with this. [ But he doesn't have anyone else to really talk to about this. ]

[ Genji has never once thought of him as a burden, nor would he ever. He's already up and heading for the door when he responds. ]

I want to see you as well. Are you at home? [ Shigeru will hear the sounds of him walking out the front door, locking it and starting to head down the hall. ]

You are not a monster, Shigeru. Nor will you ever be. I mean what I said before; I don't believe in fate.

[ He swallows around the knot in his throat. ] You don't need to apologize. Let's continue this in person, okay?

Yes. The door will be unlocked.

[ Ah. But with Genji coming he'll see how badly hurt Shigeru is and he's not entirely sure if he...should. But he really just wants the other's company right now so whatever comes from that he'll deal with later. ]

I...I'll see you soon. [ I love you but he doesn't type it this time.

And when Genji finally gets to Shigeru's house the door will indeed be unlocked. But the smell of the house is really...bad. As in it smells like a hospital again and Shigeru will be in the kitchen cleaning it with an obsessive like air about him. He looks...really bad this time around, his gloves especially with their multitude of bloodstains beneath them. There's a cut across the bridge of his nose and his lip is split as well. But the biggest indicator is that bruising around his right eye and throat, which looks faintly like a hand print, still. There's also some bandaging around his head and luckily Genji can't see underneath his shirt because there's bandages there too. The lacerations on his back are the worst of it and they're taking longer to heal.

Shigeru looks like he hasn't slept much either, his eyes red and puffy from obviously crying. He won't notice Genji at first until he looks up from his cleaning. He really does look like he's about to cry again when he finally sees Genji standing there. ]

I'll be there soon.

[ He hangs up and hurries over, trying not to dwell on the ache in his chest. What could this be about? What would have Shigeru so upset he would try to talk about it on the network anonymously? Did something happen? Did—

No, no point in working himself up with questions until he knows what's going on.

He arrives at Shigeru's home quickly and steps through the door. ] I'm here. Shigeru?

[ The smell hits him quickly and he frowns; that's never a good sign. He scans the living room before heading into the kitchen. ] Shigeru? It's me.

[ He sucks in a breath when he sees the bandage around his head. As he approaches and sees him from the side, all the wounds on his face become obvious. His chest clenches tight and he feels his stomach flare up with protective anger. ]

What happened, Shigeru? What— What's wrong?

[ His voice is hoarse, sad. His heart aches, oh it definitely does. It's almost cruel that pain always comes hand in hand with love... but he supposes that's the risk you take when you let your walls down for someone.

Genji steps up beside him, putting a hand on the counter. His voice is quieter. ] Who hurt you?

[ Ugh he really hates hearing Genji sound like this. He'll rub at his eyes with the heel of his hand. He can't...do this. He doesn't want Genji to hurt like this because of his and Dodger's relationship. It hurts to just see Genji like this. He looks away, the guilt on his features evident, as he flinches when he worries his lip, the cut stinging him to make him stop. He might wring his hands a little before he finds himself breaking that habit to type something. ]

I...I got into a fight with Dodger. [ And here he'll wipe at his eyes again. His hands are so shaky when he types that. He knows how much they both dislike one another and this won't improve matters any either. ]

I got angry and I turned into that...that monster and I attacked him first. He told me to stay away from you again. It made me so mad and I couldn't control myself. My gate has been getting worse. I couldn't-I couldn't control it.

[ He just brings his hands to his eyes as he shakes his head. Taking a few shaky breaths before he continues. ]

I'm sorry.

[ At the mention of 'Dodger' Genji's hand clenches the edge of the counter until there's an audible crack. There isn't any damage as he stops himself in time.

Dodger. Of course. A part of him is angry at himself for not doing something about the man but... it's more complicated than that. If he'd had any idea Dodger was planning to hurt him—

No, that's not important right now. That can be dealt with later.

The anger drains out of him and he turns to look at Shigeru, frowning so deeply it pulls between his brows. Seeing him wipe at his eyes only makes his heart ache more. ]

There is no reason for you to apologize.

[ He takes his hands and cups his face gently. ] He doesn't have any right to tell you what to do, or to do this to you.

[ Genji leans in, pressing his forehead against his. ] Tell me how I can help you, my love.

[ The slight crack is enough to make Shigeru stiffen slightly. He knew it. He made Genji angry telling him that. But of course he would given what he looks like and how hard this is for him right now. How could Genji not get angry over the fact that Dodger almost killed him? He just felt so...upset and confused about everything relating to Dodger. None of it really mattered to him at all, did it? He was such an idiot.

But at Genji's words and his gentle touch Shigeru's eyes might well with tears again.

He promised himself he wouldn't cry...but he can't help it. His shoulders will shaky as he lets out silent sobs in between wiping his eyes with his bloodied gloves. He's had a...rough couple of days. Between the nightmares, his own pain, and everything else he really could just use some genuine comfort. Genji brings that to him and he's so grateful for that.

He can barely hold his phone so he just...signs something instead. ]

Please just stay with me. [ Just for a little bit. He just really needs someone to be here with him. Otherwise he'll just go back to obsessively cleaning and scrubbing his hands again. He's tired of doing that too, he doesn't want to do it at all but it's hard to break away from when your thoughts are filled with nothing but self hatred and self deprecation. ]

[ Seeing those tears just makes his heart pang even worse. He tenderly wipes the corner of his eye with his thumb, careful of the bruising. If it was still like this, how bad was it before after Shigeru had started healing...

When he signs, Genji nods. ] Of course I will. Would you like me to stay until your wounds have healed...? You should rest. [ His physical wounds, at least. And maybe he can help him not fall into a cleaning ritual and hurt himself even more. ]

Why don't we go sit down, or lay down, and rest? And we can talk. [ He leans in to kiss him on the forehead gently. ]

[ He's a mess and he knows it. From how he looks and to how he feels. After this though he just looks...tired but he'll look back at Genji and nod. His wounds are only a few days old, which is why they look so bad still. Also his body is working on healing his back and head more than the other parts for now.

Still he nods numbly at Genji's words. He...could use a good rest. He hasn't slept well since his fight with Dodger and he could use a decent sleep. He's not shaking enough to not be able to type at least. ]

I'd like that. Thank you...for being here.

[ Genji nods and gives a faint little smile. ] There's no place I would rather be. [ He gently brushes Shigeru's bangs from his forehead and pulls his hand away. ]

I can go get some things from the apartment later, when you fall asleep. I'll stay as long as you want me to.

[ With that, he puts an arm gingerly around his shoulders and leads him to the bedroom. ]

[ Shigeru might flinch a little at the action, but only because of the wounds on his back, more than anything. He does manage to smile, if just a little bit, at Genji's words. ]

Do you mind...staying the night? I haven't been able to sleep very much. I keep...having nightmares.

[ Genji's soothing and calming presence might alleviate some of his terrible nightmares at least. ]

Of course. [ He keeps his touch light and gentle as they make their way into the bedroom.

As much as he wants to know what happened, it's not a good idea to press it now. He was far too upset, and he needs to rest so he can heal. ] I'll try my best to distract you.

[ An idea. ] Do you have an lavender tea? That helps you sleep.

You just being here with me...is good enough. [ Shigeru lets himself be led and the gentle touch is...nice, soothing even. It's a very calming and much needed embrace that Shigeru could really only find with Genji. It's one of the reasons why he loved his presence.

It's not often he allows others into his room, either. The pristine condition of it is evident enough that he hardly goes a day without cleaning it and the smell of antiseptic is quite strong here too. But he'll look back at Genji with that question. ]

I think I have some in the kitchen? [ He likes to try new things, tea being one of them, so there's bound to be a whole lot of teas stock piled in there. ]

[ Once they've made it to his bedside, Genji leans in to kiss him on the forehead gently. ]

Then why don't you make yourself comfortable, and I'll go make some. We can curl up and have a chat.

[ He steps away and pulls out his device. ] Just let me tell Hana where I am for the night.

[ Shigeru will smile and nod tiredly at the suggestion. He really couldn't do this without Genji right now. He's just so...grateful to have the other in his life, it's really amazing.

But while Genji goes off to prepare and get the tea ready Shigeru will get undressed and changed into his pajamas and proceed to curl up under the covers. He's really just so tired between his injuries and the emotional stress of it all. So Genji might find him dozing off a bit when he gets back into the room, but Shigeru will sit up when he comes back in. ]

[ Genji steps out and sends Hana a text and goes about making the tea. He makes a little pot of it and after a few minutes, returns to Shigeru's bedroom holding a little tray with the teapot and cups.

He puts it on the nightstand and gives him a soft smile. Ah, goodness, the domesticity of this suddenly hits him.

Genji looks down at his clothes. He doesn't think Shigeru's clothes would fit him... ]

Is it alright if I climb into bed with this on?

[ Oh. Well. He doesn't mind sharing his bed with Genji in the slightest. His pale complexion only shows his blush that much easier as he nods silently. ]

I don't mind. [ He...just really wants the other to be close to him right now. That contact will definitely help him calm down so he shifts a little in the bed to make room for Genji. ]

[ With a nod, Genji takes off his jacket and puts it on the back of the nearby chair. Then he starts to peel off his shirt... he might do it a tad slower than strictly necessary.

Now just clad in his cotton pants, Genji pads over to the bed and slides in next to him. He reaches over and pours a little of the lavender tea in a cup and offers it to him. ]

See if you like it? I've always found the smell very comforting.

[ If Shigeru wasn't as tired emotionally and physically as he is he'd be turned on so hard at the sight of Genji taking his shirt off like that. He still is kind of, even if he doesn't mean to be. His cheeks are incredibly red when Genji gets into the bed with him however. His eyes ticking off towards the tea when Genji leans over to to pour him some.

He smiles and nods as he takes the offered cup, sipping it lightly before his eyes widen a bit more at the smell and flavor. ]

It's really good. [ He might lean over and give Genji a light kiss with a small smile to follow. He'll sign something instead of type it, because for Shigeru signing has much more meaning to him. ]

I love you.

[ He wishes the circumstances were better and that Shigeru wasn't so hurt. He'd love to be able to roll into bed and happily press him into the sheets and kiss him without a worry.

He smiles when Shigeru kisses him, his lips warm and the scent of lavender milling between them. He finds it helps loosen a knot in his chest he wasn't quite aware was still there... he's still so concerned, but that will be a conversation for when he's in a better head space.

When he signs, the knot in his chest is fully replaced with warmth. Genji's been practicing, so he returns it. ]

I love you too. I will always be here for you. You are lovely.

[ The cuts and bruises on his face are still worrisome looking. But they seem to be getting smaller even as they speak. Shigeru will heal, he's very resilient that way. But even he gets...hurt and in over his head sometimes, this is unfortunately the result. Emotionally and mentally it's done a number on the state of his gate.

He sighs a little as he winces when he leans back into the pillows. His back is in really bad shape still. But the fatigue and strain is really evident now that he's finally relaxed enough for Genji to get a good look at him. He smiles softly nodding as he might lean in a bit closer to Genji, just enough that his shoulder will touch the others. ]

[ Surveying the wounds on his face even further makes a pinched look of pain flicker across his face. His chest aches a little; it really is true, that seeing the one you love in pain gives you pain as well.

Genji leans into the pillows as well, moving closer. He turns to lean on his elbow to face him, and moves his legs to entangle them in Shigeru's. ]

I'm so sorry you were hurt. [ He closes his eyes a moment before opening them again. ] I know you don't need me to hover around you and you can take care of yourself I just— I never want you to be in pain.

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mysophobic - 2018-01-28 03:38 (UTC) - Expand

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