riverview | entry_info={ .01 span:ARRIVAL, engage:VIDEO }, username=stark.naked

Skip to Main Content

Entry tags:

entry_info={ .01 span:ARRIVAL, engage:VIDEO }, username=stark.naked

[ The look on Tony's face as the feed clicks on is clearly unamused. Possibly even Unamused, capital and all. Why is he so irritated you might ask? Well, don't you worry about that, he is bound to let you know. As soon as he finishes sipping on his coffee in a more than obnoxious way. If you look close enough, and know Tony, you will be able to see a darkness beneath his eyes, the kind that comes with too much coffee and too many ideas and not enough hours in the day, so clearly he has to sacrifice some of the night for the Greater Good or some shit.

Whatever. That is why there is coffee.

Once the coffee has been consumed, Tony gets up from where he is sitting, and it becomes very obvious that he is in the kitchen on the floor, a kitchen you have all seen thanks to a Viking, but there is no sign of him now. However, there are signs of someone making a rather large breakfast here (if only you could smell it, seriously, Tony would kill to eat some of it okay) and not sharing.

This? This is why Tony is unamused.]

Really, you come in here, use the space and leave the dishes, while also not sharing?

[ Steve is gonna be annoyed. Not that he isn't usually in that state. The images shifts as Tony puts the phone down, and there is the sound of more coffee making its way into his cup while you get a lovely view of the ceiling. Look, no scorch marks. Yet.]

That's just rude, even for gods of chaos and mischief. And here I was going to make you a fancy partial AI for your phone. Ha.

[ Look, he doesn't know if it was Loki, but he assumes it is. Because if it was Steve or Bucky they would have shared, and he is pretty sure that Stephen only eats things that are still moving, and Billy-- well maybe him too. But for now, his ire is on Loki.]

Also, working on some ideas for the defence perimeter, some new weapons and targeting systems, if there is anyone that has any ideas, let me know. I mean, I've probably already thought of it, but still might be nice to bounce ideas around.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ So this Tony doesn't look exactly like the one he's used to, but it's not hard to connect the dots, what with the username and all.

Okay, especially the username. Only Tony goddamn Stark would have something like that.

And since his own floor is somehow ~~blessedly~~ free of everyone from alternate universes, Sam has one question: ]

What the hell is going on here, Stark?

[ why are you yelling at him? what did he do? fuck.

Tony blinks because that is Sam, but not Sam, and--]

God fucking Christ on a pogo stick. Really? You yell at me right off the bat? No 'hi Tony, how are you dealing with being in an alternate universe'? Just, 'Stark, give me answers!'.

[ Scowling at you as he sips his coffee because ROOD.]

You're not used to multiverses are you.

[ Huff. He's not yelling, thank you very much. He's been through extensive military training, if he was yelling, you would goddamn well know it, and so would most of the building. He's just a little snappy because he's disoriented and confused. ]

Look, if there's something weird going on, then you're probably the one who knows about it. Somehow. By virtue of being Tony Stark, apparently.

[ Translation: NOPE. He's not. ]

[ Look, you might as well be yelling at him. Tony hates that. Crossing his arms, Tony huffs a little before explaining. Nicely.

Mostly.]

Well first off, alternate universe. So, not wherever you are from. Second, I know as much as you do about this one but thanks for the vote of confidence there, unless you are saying I did this in which case, no, not this time.

[ Sips his coffee. ]

You don't like me very much wherever you are from, do you.

I know you didn't do this, they explained that when they pulled us all through. I wanna know why you're a different Tony than the asshole I'm used to.

[ He means asshole in a fond way. Ish. Maybe. ]

You know how when parents get a divorce, the kids sometimes end up resentful of one of them? It's kinda like that.

[ He doesn't dislike Tony. Mostly. He's just still irritated with him about everything, and layered on top is a whole bunch of residual guilt over what happened to Rhodey. Sam knows it's not his fault, but it hits too goddamn close to a nerve for him, and he's worried - or possibly pretty damn sure - that the Tony in his universe does blame him for it. ]

Wow, glad to see that I get the same response pretty much everywhere then.

[ Only, not. What the hell. Tony is not glaring so much regarding Sam very, very warily. Because there are really only so many things that he has done in his life that has divided up the team something horrible and-- well the last time he checked, he and Steve were on the same side(ish) when it came to Danvers and--

No. There is-- no]

Because I'm not your Tony and fuck, I don't think I even want to know what time you are from let alone what universe. But, I'm from Universe-616 as it has been labelled, where I am Iron Man, and you are usually-- hey wait, where's your bird?

[ Because that is IMPORTANT.]

But why are you a different Tony?

[ Please explain the multiverse to him, he is from the boring universe where they don't even know about other universes to label them. :c ]

Yeah, I know you're Iron Man, you always gotta wave your goddamn iron dick around to prove it's the biggest.

[ Sam's just rolling his eyes for a moment but- ]

...what bird?

Edited (oops html) 2017-03-07 19:20 (UTC)

Because... I'm not? How the fuck should I know that?

[ What kind of fucking philosophical question is that? Seriously, he's an engineer and a mechanic, not the guy to go asking existential questions of.

And he has something to say to that, honestly, but he just snaps his mouth shut and crosses his arms, a mild look of annoyance on his face.] I don't think I have ever waved my iron dick around, I mean there was that one time Hulk and I had to walk around the city naked, but it was pretty obvious who had the bigger dick there.

[ He look! He talked about Banner without cracking! This is... progress. ]

And Redwing, you know, feathery bird friend that you talk to in your head? Wait, do you not have a Redwing?

[ HORROR. ]

Look, where I come from, we only have one version of people. And you don't look like the Tony Stark I know.

[ It's not even philosophical, he just doesn't know about alternate universes. ]

Really? 'Cause I definitely just had to get broken out of the goddamn Raft because you and Steve decided to have a pissing contest. So, yeah, I think you do have to wave your metaphorical iron dick around.

[ He is not even going to think about the Hulk's dick, thank you very much, why did you even have to provide that mental image? ]

Uh. [ Sam leans over, unhooking the drone from the harness he keeps next to his bed and tapping the gauntlet to activate it. Redwing hovers obediently in the air, and he points the camera at it. ] This is Redwing. I don't have a pet bird.

Where I come from there is only one me too, but we are at least aware of other universes beyond our own. Parallel things. And I can say I am probably the better looking one, aren't I? I mean, all Tony's are hot as hell, but clearly, I am winning here right?

[ Look, you gave him an opening and he's gonna switch topics if he can thanks.

However, the comment about him and Steve having a pissing contest makes him pause, something hurt and guarded flashing in his eyes before he shakes it off and raises an eyebrow.] Steve and I have pissing contests all the time, it's like our thing.

[ You know, that occasionally gets the other person killed but shhhhh.

However, all thoughts about talking about Steve and pissing contests are gone when Sam activates the Redwing substitute. Yeah, he lights up like a kid at christmas]

Okay, not as cool as the bird you have a telepathic link to, or your cool Cap wings, but that is fairly awesome. I made it, didn't I? totally looks like something I would make.

Shit, man, I dunno. Haven't met you in person yet, so it's hard to say. But if you really want your ego stroked that badly, sure, why not? You can win the inter-dimensional Tony Stark beauty contest, don't even have to do the swimsuit round.

[ Sam notes the change in his gaze, but doesn't think it's his place to say anything about it. He doesn't know this Tony well enough yet to comment on anything between him and Steve - hell, he wouldn't do it with the Tony Stark he's used to. ]

Whoa, whoa, other universe me has Cap wings and a telepathic bird? Why is other universe me Cap to begin with? -And, yeah, you made that and my wings.

But how are you going to rate me on my fantastic legs then? That just ruins it all!

[ C'mon, thinking of him in a swimsuit is a way better plan than thinking on why he might look upset about the thought of being in a fight with Steve. Again. Okay, just-- don't touch that and you won't get a slightly manic Tony falling apart on you.

However, all of that can be ignored in lieu of talk about the awesome shit Tony has made you. Maybe you will stop being angry.] Well, vibranium wings that I made you because you needed 'em. And Redwing was... well it involved HYDRA, as it is wont to do and all, and then there was a fiasco with-- whatever, point is, you're Cap. Right now. You're a great Cap too, not something you've looked at in your universe?

I don't think legs are what I'd be looking at in a swimsuit round.

[ And the grin Sam gives him is probably not one Tony's used to getting from Sam Wilson in any universe. Now that he's had a bit of time to settle down, it's more of a dangerous grin, one with a hint of innuendo to it. Maybe he wouldn't flirt with the Tony he's used to, but this guy is an unknown quantity. ]

Uh, Steve's pretty much got a monopoly on that whole thing. [ Except maybe he doesn't, since he doesn't have the shield anymore. But in Sam's mind, he'll always be Cap, shield or no. ] We don't really swap roles much where I'm from.

[ Or, like, at all. ]

Well, my ass is pretty stellar too, but I never took Sam as an ass man. How interesting.

[ He never took Sam as an into both either, but hey, you learn something new every day. Tony just laughs at the grin and, yeah, that is something else. He manages to keep the hysterical note out of his voice as he thinks about his Sam hitting on him but--

An eyebrow goes up and Tony doesn't even think before:] No switches? How boring, is this where I ask what your role is, or do I have to earn that.

[ W H O O P S.]

Steve is Steve. Hell, Bucky is Cap too, he takes it up before you and makes a helluva Cap. [ Is he talking about Bucky fondly? You bet he is. ]

Edited 2017-03-08 02:33 (UTC)

I'm an everything kinda guy.

[ And in truth, he'd been talking more about checking out his package in a swimsuit. But he'll take the ass, too. ]

Y'know, normally I'd just tell you, but I feel more like making you work for it.

[ Being a fugitive is hell on your sex life, okay? Don't judge. ]

...what? [ He isn't even as confused by Bucky being Cap as he is by Tony talking about Bucky fondly, because as far as he knows, that's definitely not the case back home. ] Your universe is weird as hell, man.

[ Oh god, they are in trouble for sure. Tony laughs at that response, thinks of how hilarious it is going to be to tell Sam back home about this, and decides to continue making terrible life choices and doesn't stop.]

What is that saying? Nothing worth knowing comes easy?

[ Tony is still caught up on amused when Sam states his universe is weird, and the engineer just shrugs.] Nah, yours is just boring.

Depends on what that thing is, doesn't it?

[ Something else comes to his mind, but he doesn't voice it. No need to be totally blatant in public, after all - that sort of thing's best saved for private. ]

Yeah, you're telling me. I don't even have any superpowers.

[ And there's a bit of a disgruntled huff to his tone. Sam's okay with who he is most of the time, but he has to admit, being a superhero would be a lot cooler if he had actual powers. ]

You have a point, you have a point.

[ It is kind of nice to talk to someone that doesn't freak the fuck out over who he is, or harbour some intense and automatic deep loathing for him. Thanks Sam. The flirting is a nice touch too.]

Nothing? I mean, clearly you have some training if you are Falcon, so how did that happen? I assume you were never a HYDRA experiment.

-A HYDRA experiment?

[ There's a bit of a 'what the fuck' look on Sam's face. What has other Sam been getting up to? If he shows up, they are going to have a Talk. ]

Look, I don't really use the name a whole lot, but it comes from the wings. Project Falcon was the code name the government had for the jetpack when they originally bought it from Stark Enterprises - and it wasn't as pretty then. Military issue, you know. This is the souped up version. [ He tilts the camera down so Tony can get a better look at his jetpack. ]

[ .... so that is certain no on the HYDRA thing.]

Um, yes? Hence your bird, and the telepathy thing and-- whatever. And good to know I still make terrible choices to sell things to the government. It is clear I never learn. [ s i g h ] Also, I can make it prettier, trust you me. Actually... I might need vibranium because that is what I made your other wings out of, but still! Can be made better.

[ . . . ]

Maybe when we have a solid defence system up and I have more of an idea of what things I can cannibalise from this place.

Yeah, well, if it makes you feel any better, you stopped real quick after those terrorists kidnapped you in Afghanistan.

[ Sam Wilson, professional comforter. ]

I think I'll pass on the talking to birds if it means I'd have to be experimented on by HYDRA. [ Because he's seen the results of that, and it isn't pretty. ] Everything I have, I got from years of training in the Air Force.

-oh, yeah, I'm sure T'Challa would be real eager to cough that up even if we were in the same universe. Only vibranium I've ever seen is his claws and Steve's shield. There's no way you'd get enough to make a set of wings.

[ Huh. Okay. That. Whatever.]

Well I learned a lot faster in your world then. But the Air Force is cool, I mean my best friend is in--

[ Tony stops. Mouth snapping shut.

Rhodey.

He doesn't want to touch that right now, nope. Not gonna so just... moving right along thank you. Vibranium, yes. That is a safe topic.]

Uh. T'Challa would? I mean, there are other places to find it but, um, it's not that rare? Also pretty sure his whole suit is vibranium infused.

[ Sam flinches as Tony almost mentions Rhodey, too. He hasn't heard anything about the man's condition lately, worries that he'll never walk again. He knows it's not his fault, but that doesn't mean he doesn't feel goddamn guilty about it. ]

Well, I didn't ask him about the whole suit. He was a little pissy after I made a cat joke. But, uh, it's pretty damn rare where I come from. Far as I know, anyway. Which I'll admit isn't too far.

[ Look, at least you didn't get Rhodey flat out killed okay. If Tony ever hears about what happened, all of it, he wouldn't blame Sam, just like he will eventually stop blaming Carol for what happened to Rhodey in his universe. Maybe he already has, but that doesn't make the loss hurt any less.

The subject change is a nice one, that is for sure. Tony is amused, and then outright cackles when Sam mentions that he made a cat joke. Oh, you are a precious human being, Sam. Precious.]

Okay, first off, rare but not really I guess? Also, please tell me what the cat joke was, please, this sounds great.

Oh, I just- asked him if he liked cats or something, since he was dressed up like one. I mean, I've never met an adult who dressed up as some kind of animal, you know? We don't have themes like that, like Natasha doesn't wear spider legs - hell, even that annoying-ass spider kid didn't dress like a goddamn spider.

He didn't answer me, just gave me this dirty look. Never did get an answer, actually.

(no subject)

amelioraate - 2017-03-21 01:12 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

wingedman - 2017-03-21 01:24 (UTC) - Expand

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only