video posted by @ruffboi | date: April 1st

[ohhmrburnsides]

[The video opens on Magnus and Lucretia, cuddled up side by side on a couch, holding hands in a very Cute Suburban Couple manner. At first they're not even looking at the camera; rather, they're looking at each other, whispering things with grins plastered across their faces... which are very close to each other. It's a bit uncomfortable, maybe, for someone who might be watching. The mic pics up something like, "You go first," "No, you go first," in exaggerated baby-talk voices.]

Okay, okay, [says Lucretia, who waves at the camera with a free hand (although the other is still holding Magnus's),] I'll go first. Hello, Riverview!

Hey-o!

We're reaching out to all of you today because we have some very exciting news.

[The pair look at each other again and it's like they're making googly-eyes at each other. Gross. Then, they turn back to the camera to announce in tandem,]

We're getting married!

And we're announcing this to the whole network because—

We want everyone to be there!

Yes, absolutely. We want the entire city of Riverview to attend.

In fact, it's required.

Okay, well—

Required.

Alright, yes, [says Lucretia, her expression beginning to crack into a goofy grin,] every citizen in Riverview is required to attend.

[Magnus, on the other hand, has not budged an inch from this facade they've built.] We don't have a date yet.

This is true. We also haven't picked a venue yet.

We're getting there.

Weddings are tricky business, aren't they, dear? [This is her segue into the video's end.] I'd like to go on record to thank my wonderful maid of honor, Lup, for encouraging me to propose—

And the best man, Barry Bluejeans—obviously—for bringing us together in the first place!

[Lucretia giggles at that, and tosses in, softly,] Sorry, Taako.

We can't wait to see you all there! [Magnus turns again to Lucretia, making those ridiculous puppy dog eyes.] Can we, pumpkin?

No, we can't, sweetheart.

I love you, honey bear.

[Lucretia starts breaking again. It's clear she's trying to contain laughter.] I love you too, love muffin.

[Magnus leans in until their noses are touching.] Sweetie pie.

Lemon drop.

Sugar cookie. [He puckers up for a (very goofy) kiss, but before it lands Lucretia's face scrunches. As she reaches to turn the phone off, there is an almost imperceptible snigger.

Below the video player is the following image:]

Comments

[scholiast]

Somebody told me once that if you put an emoji in the text that starts with an s that indicates you're being sarcastic

[talentedscavenger]

Do you have an example?

[scholiast]

🌞

Perhaps you should take primary use of the sun, actually. All those *rays* of sunlight

[talentedscavenger]

I'm sensing equal parts sarcasm and teasing there.

And, a pun off my name--how original.

[scholiast]

(Yeesh, when did Rey get so prickly.)

Okay the emoji thing was also a joke. I can tell not a lot gets past you, Rey.

[talentedscavenger]

[What? Oh, no! That wasn't what she wanted!]

Not much no, except for jokes through text.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[And then a few seconds later.]

Was that better?

-> audio

[scholiast]

(Oh! Perhaps they should, for real, come up with a code or something.

... Or just talk over audio, which Lucretia switches to now.)

Yes, it was better. How did you make the little shrugging person?

[talentedscavenger]

Much better. [There's a faint smile on her face, and Lucretia would be able to hear that now.]

I thought it was an emoji and looked it up. I thought it was appropriate.

I really should get into the habit of using that when I'm being sarcastic.

[scholiast]

Maybe I should too; Taako says I'm a very sarcastic person.

(She chuckles.) Do you have April Fools day where you're from, Rey?

[talentedscavenger]

Really? [Sarcasm there.] I couldn't tell.

[Sarcastic people using sarcasm on each other. It's a good day.]

No, I don't. Nothing like that in my world, but why would you dedicate a day to pulling pranks?

[scholiast]

Touché. (oh, it is a very sassy day)

Honestly, I'm not sure why they bother dedicating a day, as my friends pull pranks on me regardless of the calendar date.

[talentedscavenger]

[A soft chuckle.]

Well, would you have pulled this prank if it didn't fall on this date?

[scholiast]

Hmm... probably not. You have to save the more elaborate pranks for special occasions.

[talentedscavenger]

So, I should expect another elaborate prank around Taako's birthday?

[scholiast]

He doesn't have a birthday per say, so don't hold your breath for that one.

[talentedscavenger]

He doesn't have an actual date for his birth? Or he doesn't celebrate it?

[scholiast]

Both? Nobody from the Starblaster has a birthday, really.

(Time ceases to have the same kind of meaning when you're stuck on a ship, repeating the same year over and over again.)

[talentedscavenger]

[Maybe they all couldn't remember their birthdays? Which was fine, because Rey didn't know when she was born. Only a year to go off of.]

I didn't celebrate mine either, don't even remember the date. Though, I'm surprised Taako doesn't want to celebrate. He's all for dramatics and the attention.

[scholiast]

(Lucretia snorts with laughter.)

True, but he's also too lazy to pick a date and stick to it.

[talentedscavenger]

That... [Lucretia's laughter is contagious, making Rey chuckle too.]

That is also true. Could you imagine if he celebrated his birthday? Think he'd want a crown or a parade or something.

[scholiast]

(This is some truly prime dunking on Taako and Lucretia is here for it.)

Both! And a cape. You've seen his outfits; he would be decked to the nines.

[talentedscavenger]

[It's not dunking if they're being...somewhat truthful, and he would probably be teasing them too.]

Cape, and a hat, and glitter--glitter everywhere until he's out shining even the brightest star or the sun!

[scholiast]

(Exactly, so it's fine!)

The highest heeled boots you and I have ever seen too, no doubt. (They've conjured quite a mental image, huh!)

Don't forget Lup is there too. So take all that, and then double it.

[talentedscavenger]

[More than fine, this is fun!]

Complete with jewels encrusted on them--and maybe he would make a grand entrance by riding on a beast or be carried in.

[Oh yes, Lup!]

Oh goodness...would she really be like that?

[scholiast]

Carried in. By Magnus or somebody similarly muscled. (Thor, perhaps. But don't tell Magnus she said that.)

Rey, I can with one hundred percent certainty tell you it would be exactly like that. In fact, if Lup is involved, we can start adding in the pyrotechnics and explosions. Lots of fireworks.