video posted by @ruffboi | date: April 1st

[ohhmrburnsides]

[The video opens on Magnus and Lucretia, cuddled up side by side on a couch, holding hands in a very Cute Suburban Couple manner. At first they're not even looking at the camera; rather, they're looking at each other, whispering things with grins plastered across their faces... which are very close to each other. It's a bit uncomfortable, maybe, for someone who might be watching. The mic pics up something like, "You go first," "No, you go first," in exaggerated baby-talk voices.]

Okay, okay, [says Lucretia, who waves at the camera with a free hand (although the other is still holding Magnus's),] I'll go first. Hello, Riverview!

Hey-o!

We're reaching out to all of you today because we have some very exciting news.

[The pair look at each other again and it's like they're making googly-eyes at each other. Gross. Then, they turn back to the camera to announce in tandem,]

We're getting married!

And we're announcing this to the whole network because—

We want everyone to be there!

Yes, absolutely. We want the entire city of Riverview to attend.

In fact, it's required.

Okay, well—

Required.

Alright, yes, [says Lucretia, her expression beginning to crack into a goofy grin,] every citizen in Riverview is required to attend.

[Magnus, on the other hand, has not budged an inch from this facade they've built.] We don't have a date yet.

This is true. We also haven't picked a venue yet.

We're getting there.

Weddings are tricky business, aren't they, dear? [This is her segue into the video's end.] I'd like to go on record to thank my wonderful maid of honor, Lup, for encouraging me to propose—

And the best man, Barry Bluejeans—obviously—for bringing us together in the first place!

[Lucretia giggles at that, and tosses in, softly,] Sorry, Taako.

We can't wait to see you all there! [Magnus turns again to Lucretia, making those ridiculous puppy dog eyes.] Can we, pumpkin?

No, we can't, sweetheart.

I love you, honey bear.

[Lucretia starts breaking again. It's clear she's trying to contain laughter.] I love you too, love muffin.

[Magnus leans in until their noses are touching.] Sweetie pie.

Lemon drop.

Sugar cookie. [He puckers up for a (very goofy) kiss, but before it lands Lucretia's face scrunches. As she reaches to turn the phone off, there is an almost imperceptible snigger.

Below the video player is the following image:]

Comments

video; @fromTV

[spellslots]

Fucking Bluejeans?!

[He's so offended, how dare they? How dare MAGNUS? He should be the best man of this fake wedding.]

video

[ohhmrburnsides]

[Magnus laughs, as if he'd been waiting for this.]

Don't worry, we have a job for you too! You can carry the rings!

video

[scholiast]

(Lucretia's barely holding it together now.)

Naturally. We've actually been in discussions with them about a double wedding?

@NerdAlert

[alldenim]

Wait I brought you together?

[ AT LEAST STICK WITH A CONSISTENT STORY ]

[ohhmrburnsides]

don't you remember?? all those years ago at that party? at what's his face's house? you introduced us?

just go along with it barry

text; @chronicler

[scholiast]

You absolutely did; I'll never forget this great kindness

video; @scrapper142

[trashvalkyrie]

I want financial compensation for the lunch I just lost.

video

[ohhmrburnsides]

There'll be food at the reception!

video

[scholiast]

I'll handwave the mandatory $15 RSVP fee.

@d.pavus

[tevinteraltus]

[Thankfully, he'd been prepared.]

How deliciously saccharine.

[That was with a wince.]

I am, of course, happy for the both of you. I'll forward a congratulatory fruit basket as soon as I'm able.

In the mean time, I'm simply going to ask you let me know as soon as possible when you've chosen attire for the occasion. It wouldn't due for me to outshine the bride and groom.

[ohhmrburnsides]

Ooh, I love fruit baskets! I mean, we. We love fruit baskets.

I really appreciate that. I know that'll be a challenge for you. To not outshine me, I mean. My dearest darling Lucretia outshines the moon itself, obviously.

Want me to send you some pix when I get a tux picked out?

[scholiast]

(She's been clued into the fact that Dorian was warned, but Lucretia will play along regardless so:)

Thank you for your excessively kind words, Dorian. Magnus and I have decided that the dress code will be 'casual Friday'.

un: wolfgirl579 - Video

[luckyescape]

You two are too cute.

[She honestly can't take it.]

I'm not sure how weddings work here and I know either of you but I'll probably pop in to say congrats. [And swipe some food.]

[ohhmrburnsides]

[Omg, someone fell for it.]

Thank you so much! We don't really know how weddings work here either, honestly. The whole process has been a bit of a doozy! [He's definitely hamming this up.] Can't wait to see you there!

video

[scholiast]

Thank you. (Lucretia is extremely close to losing it at this point.)

That's very kind; the more the merrier.

@ciscodelamancha | text

[franciscoramon]

one of you please text me later and tell me how much money you make on this absolutely brazen grift

(bc i'll be expecting a % of that for emotional distress damages natch 💸)

[ohhmrburnsides]

i mean i intentionally didn't leave an address for the money. if someone manages to get their RSVP to us it'll be a damn miracle.

and i really, really hope it happens.

i'll buy you a beer, how's that?

text

[scholiast]

We're setting up a small trust fund under our 'couple name' (Lu...crenus) for anybody deeply affected by this moments occasion.

text: un: scavenger.rey

[talentedscavenger]

[Well....is this really a joke? Because she's not sure anymore.]

Congratulations..?

[ohhmrburnsides]

[Oh no, Rey is too sweet. Magnus almost doesn't want to trick her.]

haha, thank you! we'll let you in for free.

text

[scholiast]

(Sweet, sweet Rey.)

Thank you. Can we count on your attendance, Rey?

[ video | un: trickster ]

[dothelokimotion]

I give . . . 4 out of 10. You could have worked harder on your presentation.

[ohhmrburnsides]

That's not a bad rating coming from the trickster god himself. Thanks!

Any tips on further improvement are appreciated. I'm always lookin' to step up my practical joke prowess.

[video]

[worldsaway]

I can't tell if I'm meant to be happy for you or worried for you.

Blink twice if you're in trouble, maybe?

[ohhmrburnsides]

[He laughs because if Thor is really falling for this right now? That's fuckin' priceless. But he passes his laugh off as if it's just the notion of being in trouble is silly.]

No no no, dude, we're happy together! Lucretia and are in love. Like, so in love. Super love. It's awesome.

video @lightemup

[umbrastaff]

[He's Lup, crying big, happy and not at all illusory tears.]

I'm just so happy for you guys!

[scholiast]

(Lucretia places a hand over her heart, as if deeply moved by this show of emotion.)

Thank you, Lup. Your blessing means the world.

text

[dancingmd]

(Taako is a good meme influence)

video

[scholiast]

(uh oh!!)

Is... this directed at me or at Magnus?