riverview | video posted by @ruffboi

[The video opens on Magnus and Lucretia, cuddled up side by side on a couch, holding hands in a very Cute Suburban Couple manner. At first they're not even looking at the camera; rather, they're looking at each other, whispering things with grins plastered across their faces... which are very close to each other. It's a bit uncomfortable, maybe, for someone who might be watching. The mic pics up something like, "You go first," "No, you go first," in exaggerated baby-talk voices.]

Okay, okay, [says Lucretia, who waves at the camera with a free hand (although the other is still holding Magnus's),] I'll go first. Hello, Riverview!

Hey-o!

We're reaching out to all of you today because we have some very exciting news.

[The pair look at each other again and it's like they're making googly-eyes at each other. Gross. Then, they turn back to the camera to announce in tandem,]

We're getting married!

And we're announcing this to the whole network because—

We want everyone to be there!

Yes, absolutely. We want the entire city of Riverview to attend.

In fact, it's required.

Okay, well—

Required.

Alright, yes, [says Lucretia, her expression beginning to crack into a goofy grin,] every citizen in Riverview is required to attend.

[Magnus, on the other hand, has not budged an inch from this facade they've built.] We don't have a date yet.

This is true. We also haven't picked a venue yet.

We're getting there.

Weddings are tricky business, aren't they, dear? [This is her segue into the video's end.] I'd like to go on record to thank my wonderful maid of honor, Lup, for encouraging me to propose—

And the best man, Barry Bluejeans—obviously—for bringing us together in the first place!

[Lucretia giggles at that, and tosses in, softly,] Sorry, Taako.

We can't wait to see you all there! [Magnus turns again to Lucretia, making those ridiculous puppy dog eyes.] Can we, pumpkin?

No, we can't, sweetheart.

I love you, honey bear.

[Lucretia starts breaking again. It's clear she's trying to contain laughter.] I love you too, love muffin.

[Magnus leans in until their noses are touching.] Sweetie pie.

Lemon drop.

Sugar cookie. [He puckers up for a (very goofy) kiss, but before it lands Lucretia's face scrunches. As she reaches to turn the phone off, there is an almost imperceptible snigger.

Below the video player is the following image:]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I give . . . 4 out of 10. You could have worked harder on your presentation.

That's not a bad rating coming from the trickster god himself. Thanks!

Any tips on further improvement are appreciated. I'm always lookin' to step up my practical joke prowess.

You didn't show off your rings.

I assume that is still the custom?

Aw, dang, I didn't even think about that. I totally could've made some rings. Would that have brought it up to a 5?

At least a six.

Shit, no kiddin'.

I did feel pretty confident about my acting, though. I think Lucretia's could've used some work.

[i.e. if Magnus hadn't pushed her buttons she wouldn't have cracked.]