[video]; thunderer

[worldsaway]

[The video begins in the swampier edges of the jungle. Thanks to the flooding, the water is up to Thor's waist and he has mud up his arms and on his face. He holds the camera up at a selfie angle, smiling into it and waving with a muddy hand.]

If anybody happens to know where a big, fat crocodile went, let me know. He's got a scar over his eye and his legs are very stumpy. Embarrassingly stumpy.

[Thor looks about him, holding the camera out so the audience can really appreciate the view of the overflowing river and not the fact that he's wearing a wet singlet.]

And if you've lost anything in the floods, let me know and I'll keep my eye out for-

[He cuts himself off when he catches sight of something making ripples on the water. His arm whips out of camera, snatching the tail of a snake that he brings into view.]

Look at this! Did you know snakes could swim?



[The snake hisses, flicking its tongue at Thor even as it coils around Thor's arm in a lithe, slow crawl. When Thor's hold lessens though, the snake rears back slightly like a mirage before vanishing and revealing a grinning Loki who very casually slides a small dagger into Thor's side.]

Oh dear. Was that me?

[Thor grunts, mostly in surprise but there's pain in it. The little blades sting, and it's a miracle that he can hold onto his camera (lopsidedly) when he drops to his knees and grips his side.]

You've done it now, brother. [Thor growls, with a clenched jaw.] It's all going dark. Dark and cold. I see a light, it's calling me. I'll bleed out before they find me.

[And with his final breath, he musters the strength to try kick Loki into the mud along with him.]

Comments

[spellslots]

Shitty effort, big guy, you couldn't even manage some fake tears?

[He's rude.]

Loki, you're doing amazing sweetie.

[Don't reference memes to two people who don't know shit about memes.]

[dothelokimotion]

See, this is precisely what I said.

[ No, it wasn't, but it was heavily implied. ]

[spellslots]

I mean, seriously, crocodile tears would've been perfect.

[because of the... rest of the announcement. he's funny]

[dothelokimotion]

Thor isn't used to making dying speeches. That's usually me.

[ Because of all the . . . dying . . . ]

[spellslots]

Should've stabbed him a little harder, maybe?

[rude]

[dothelokimotion]

I'll have to consider that next time.

[spellslots]

There's-- you know what, I don't need to ask, of course there's gonna be a next time.

[they're Like That]

[dothelokimotion]

[ shh it's normal. ]

Why spoil a grand tradition?

[spellslots]

Just don't give Lup any ideas, I'm not as hardy as Thor.

[dothelokimotion]

I don't think it's quite her style.

[spellslots]

Knives are so last year, it's all about roasting your siblings these days.

[ANOTHER PUN

someone kill him]

[dothelokimotion]

Only if it's a slow burn.

[spellslots]

[fingerguns]

I'm disappointed in us both.

[He does not sound disappointed.]

[worldsaway]

No, I am physically incapable of crying because I am so big and tough.

[Said so, so blandly.]

[spellslots]

That's the most boring answer you could've come up with.

[masculinity is boring, even if he knows Thor isn't being serious.]

[worldsaway]

I can't cry because Loki removed my tear ducts? [Unsure.]

[spellslots]

Deeply fucking disturbing but at least it's different.

[worldsaway]

Would you put it past him, though?

[spellslots]

It seems like a lot of work, even for Loki.

[worldsaway]

It wouldn't be the most elaborate scheme I've seen him undergo. Honestly, he used to keep things more simple when we were younger, he got more dramatic as we got older.

[spellslots]

Did he also get more goth or has that been a pretty constant thing?

[Casually talks shit about Loki in public as if that won't result in death.]

[worldsaway]

That depends on what goth means. He's always been a moody, little shit.

[spellslots]

That's basically what goth is, nailed it. Good to know this shit isn't new.

[worldsaway]

Not new, but adapted from classic renditions. He was such a cute baby, too, I don't know what happened.

[spellslots]

Do you know how much I would fucking pay for baby pics of Loki? It's a lot.