UN | Kues

[mirakills]

Congratulations, I am now sealed within a miracle.
Of course, my congratulations go to the ones capable of such a thing.
Witches should be able to summon and control gods, not the other way around.
So bravo. My heartfelt feelings of applause go out to you, divine captors.
I’ve been truly shamed.

With that out of the way, may I pose a riddle to the rest of your captured?

I am a baldfaced liar, tinged with reddened shame.
You’ll never know me for who I am, for that is just my name.
Astutely bold, encased in gold, I am the one to blame.

I hail the northeast seas as home, but I have not forgotten,
The Swiss mountains I was born, from a time long dead and rotten.
If you’re lost, I’m sitting on the tip of your tongue, it’s…
Who am I?

For who solves it… I will return something that I have taken in this City that everyone needs.
Good luck.

[ ooc; Though I’d love for you to OOCly give it a try, if your character is smart enough to figure it out, PM me ahead of time and I’ll give the answer. I have no intention of giving a riddle too hard to solve when characters ICly can! ]

Comments

[spellslots]

Something that everyone needs, huh?
Well I've still got my dick so it's not that 🤔🤔🤔

[mirakills]

Rest assured.
And as a hint, obviously not oxygen or water.

[spellslots]

I mean obviously or we'd be super fucking dead
Not that I really care, riddles are for people who are too full of their own shit to do something useful

text - > video

[mirakills]

[ Bernkastel flips on the video to face herself-- she very obviously looks like a young girl, a teenager at best. Her clothes can adequately be described as vintage compared to most of the city. ]

I feel the same way about jokes about your genitals to someone of my stature.

[spellslots]

[Okay sure he can do video.]

Oh you're like a baby, whoops. But hey, do you think you're special just cause you're a witch? Cause I'm gonna have some real bad news for you in about two seconds.

[mirakills]

I'm aware there are other magic users. I happen to be a different kind of witch than most. I'd demonstrate, but I prefer not to strut.

Which is why I played a word game. Now that you can see me, can you see what I've taken?

[spellslots]

Take it from someone who does love to strut, you really oughta just own it instead of this weird pseudo-intellectual circle jerk.

[Just threaten to take over the Quarantine like he did? That's obviously more effective.]

My will to live cause this is so boring? Couldn't you just blow something up, that'd be more interesting.

[mirakills]

[ She deliberates. ]

Okay.

[ In an instant, everything behind her is black-- the small set of trees behind the bench she was sitting on is engulfed in a vantablack circle of eyes and yowling before it becomes apparent that this is a mass of black cats, moving together in sync as she maintains the same dull facade.

Taako asked for an explosion, so he'll get one, full of multicolored lights and a resounding boom as her cats shred the little park with a velocity that leaves nothing behind. Trees, scratched down to nubs. Grass? Torn up from the ground to reveal dirt. Singemarks of violet color coat the buildings around her. ]

The answer, by the way...

Was a seat.

[spellslots]

[Taako, in true fashion of being as much of a shit as possible, summons himself a martini so he can make a very good show of sipping it super casually. It's actually pretty impressive but as if he'll admit that.]

Bold of you to assume I sit.

[mirakills]

My mistake.
Shall I take it you're only ever horizontal or vertical from now on?

[ And she just chastised him for a rude joke, too... she's a shit, too. ]

[spellslots]

Not the worst assumption anyone's made about me.

[This is actually a good martini why doesn't he do this more often.]

So like, was that an illusion or have you got some weird-ass cat demons as friends? I won't judge, we've all been there.

[mirakills]

They're my familiars. ...... So no, the wanton destruction behind me is very real. And it'll serve a purpose for setting up a new shop.

[ In an instant, the kitties are back, and they're moving so quickly in droves that it's hard to tell what they're doing! They're cleaning up the lot, tearing up the trees and throwing it into the void, and... laying down a foundation? For a building?

Hard workers. ]

[spellslots]

Neat, I've got a mongoose but it just like steals shit from people sometimes.

[He could conjure it but ehhhhhh, effort.]

Did you get planning permission for that cause I dunno if the city officials are gonna be chill with you just doing your own thing.

[mirakills]

Rest assured, I have my credentials.

[ She pulls a parchment out of thin air, and with apologies to Parks and Recreation, it says 'I can do whatever the hell I want'. ]

Fair's fair for being brought here and having my universe traveling powers taken away from me.

[spellslots]

[Yeah, okay, that gets a little chuckle.]

If you're pissed about that you wanna take it up with the portal, not the dipshits living here.

[mirakills]

The portal.

... [ She summons a glass of wine while the cats start laying down purple bricks. ]

A type of science or magic I couldn't comprehend and therefore couldn't fight, I suppose. Anti-Mystery and Anti-Fantasy can coexist in this world, at least...

... that must sound like nonsense. To clarify; I'm the kind of witch that exists on a plane with magic. Appearing in a magic-less reality can 'dampen' my existence. Since they're both here, I'm having no problem retaining a sense of self.

[spellslots]

[Anti-mystery and anti-fantasy are both lost on him outside of like, their literal meaning, but the rest of what she says makes sense.]

Like the plane of magic or just one where they interact?

[It'll be good to know more about what she is, just in case she does start shit.]

[mirakills]

A plane of magic, yes. A higher world that observes the world, so to speak.

[ She's not going to be too opaque but that should be sufficient enough to describe the meta world and the world of witches-- it's a place that casually is above reality. ]

[spellslots]

Sounds way more like a celestial plane from how shit works where I'm from but that doesn't always carry over. You a human and a witch or is being a witch its own shit?

[Is witch her race or her class, is what he's curious about.]

[mirakills]

[ Wants to see how much she can tell the truth while still bullshitting him. ]

I'm the remnant of 12,000 years worth of one person trying to survive the same time loop over the span of a month until they finally survived, leaving me to accumulate into a sentient being of my own as the identity of the one who died rather than the one who lived, and that powerful accumulation lead to me becoming a Witch of Miracles on a plane above humans, where we observe their lives as stories.

I also make excellent cream puffs.

[ WHICH IS THE LIE, TAAKO? ]

[spellslots]

[His temptation to keep giving her shit for the sake of it is warring with the fact he genuinely wants to know more about this magic. Taako isn't a researcher on the level of Barry or Lucretia, but he still likes to understand how things work.]

That's what, four hundred years per day? I mean, I've dealt with bullshit time magic and loops before but that's balls to the wall insane. We did... shit, eleven hour loops in forty-five minutes? And even that did some seriously screwy shit to time and fate and all that.

[mirakills]

More like the months built up into years. I died one month, then again, then again, then it was a year of Junes, then several years, then thousands of summers spent in death.

[ She's normally very, very touchy about her backstory... but in this case, she is a piece in someone else's game, she's no longer on the observation deck. She expects to be replaced and erased by a higher being, as she did to others. ]

Luckily, the damage was only inward. Did you know if you fold an ordinary paper one hundred times, the thickness will reach the moon? Of course, it's impossible to do it that many times by physics alone. I did the magic equivalent of that.

[spellslots]

Dying a whole lot is pretty fucking shitty.

[Honestly, he's not entirely sure he's following, but he can at least relate to that. Big mood, as it were.]

I'm gonna guess you don't have a version of Istus where you're from?

[Taako can't imagine her putting up with this sort of thing.]

[mirakills]

I had a useless coward of a god pushing me through, but no, no Istus.

[ Someone likes their wine bitter. By the way, the cats are starting to put in windows and paint the signs. She'll have to feed them well outside the wall after this. ]

[spellslots]

What god was that? I'm not gonna put money on knowing them but hey, the universe is fucking weird, maybe I will.

[He knows a few gods.]