Video - Like a Lost Dog Ad, But For a Slave

[ragnarsson]

I seemed to have misplaced my slave priest. Since he belongs to me, if anyone could return him, I'd be most grateful. He's a little under six feet tall, black hair, blue eyes, and has a magic sword. Answers to the name Bishop Heahmund.

[Heahmund had stormed off in a huff after Ivar had found him the first time, but if he thinks the teenage Viking warlord who captured him back home is done with tormenting him, the priest is far from mistaken. Ivar's just getting started.]

He'll likely be quoting the Bible and telling you all how you're going to hell because he's extremely pompous and seems to think being a Christian bishop makes him better than everyone else. Be sure to let him know I'm looking for him.

Comments

[heahmund]

You are only alive because when given the chance I did not kill you. And you know I have had numerous opportunities still.

I am not your slave. I belong to God. He is a jealous God, he doesn't like to share.

[ragnarsson]

You couldn't kill me even if you tried. That is what my gods have willed. So until your God comes down out of the clouds and tells me you are His, you belong to me.

[If they're going to start in with the religious talk again, might as well make it clear where they stand. Then a sly look enters Ivar's eyes.]

Unless of course you were actually starting to grow fond of me in captivity.

[He doubts it. Heahmund does run hot and cold, but usually it's cold towards Ivar.]

[heahmund]

That is what you wish to think, Ivar, that does not make it so. And neither does you saying I am yours make me yours.

[ Heahmund stops short at the offhand comment and well, he ignores the part of himself that is saying "well, yes." ]

A dog would be more fond of a flea.

[ragnarsson]

Keeping telling yourself that.

[In other words, Ivar is going to be referring to Heahmund as his slave until Heahmund smacks him for it, and probably even after that.]

Should I perhaps get you another collar then?

[Sorry, Heahmund, you walked right into that one.]

[heahmund]

[ There's an annoyed and somewhat long-suffering sigh. Lord, grant me patience. ]

I see you have nothing serious to offer to the conversation.

[ragnarsson]

And I see that you have no sense of humor.

[Now Ivar had the lovely image of Heahmund being in a collar and chains like he'd originally put him in. It was so very tempting to see him in such a way again.]

[heahmund]

You are merely not humorous.

[ Heahmund is distinctly not thinking about any of that. ]

[ragnarsson]

Only to you. Does your God not find anything funny or is that just you?

[Personally, any god that had a hand in creating human beings clearly had a sense of humor.]

[heahmund]

I am sure there are many who do not find you amusing.

Did you want something specific or were you just being insufferable for the sake of being insufferable?

[ragnarsson]

What's the matter? Surely I haven't bored you already with my presence?

[More likely Heahmund wanted to strangle him by now, but Ivar has to be a little shit just for the sake of it.]

[heahmund]

[ Instead of answering, he returns to something that Ivar had said earlier. ]

My sword has no magic.

[ragnarsson]

How would you know? I thought you didn't believe in magic.

[What else explained how his sword managed to work?]

[heahmund]

It is not magic.

[ragnarsson]

Then explain to me how it works, hmmm? Did your God have one of his winged servants make it for you?

[Yes, he forgot the word for angel.]

idk /headcanons

[heahmund]

[ Luckily, Heahmund had replied in audio and Ivar can't see his lips twitch in amusement. ]

Angels did not make my sword. It was made by a man and blessed by the church. It is not magic.

[ragnarsson]

Are you certain the dwarves didn't forge it?

[He's teasing now. Mostly.]

What does the word on it mean? Something to ward off evil?

[heahmund]

It is a reminder and a promise.

[ragnarsson]

Of what?

[Now he's just being deliberately obtuse much to Ivar's annoyance. Though he can guess it's something boring like faithfulness or obedience to that God he loves droning on about.]

[heahmund]

Nothing that you would understand or appreciate.

[ Mostly, it's not something he wants to delve into with Ivar. ]

[ragnarsson]

Try me.

[There's a challenging tone in his voice. Heahmund would like to think him ignorant and stupid, but mostly, Ivar just has a closed mind. He actually does listen when Heahmund talks.]

[heahmund]

[ Heahmund doesn't think Ivar is stupid at all. He's not so foolish to not Ivar's intellect.

Still... ]

No.

[ragnarsson]

You're no fun. You should learn to open up to me more, priest.

[Strangely enough, he'd found it easy to do with Heahmund. The bishop was an easy person to confide in. Perhaps it was just because Ivar was so often lonely for companionship back home, but he did find Heahmund didn't judge him, at least not more than he did anyone else that didn't meet his rigorous standards.]

[heahmund]

[ If anything, Ivar receives a bit more lenience than most others with Heahmund's judgement. ]

I do not see the benefit of that.

[ragnarsson]

Doesn't it get tiring not trusting anyone all the time?

[Even Ivar could say there was a few people that he could trust around the Quarantine. His family and some good friends that he'd gladly kill for.]

[heahmund]

The last I knew you were not apt to trusting others. Have you grown weaker here?