001 - shenanigans

[citharede]

[ It's three in the morning when she posts this video.

Here is Athena, hanging her head and part of her torso off the edge of her apartment building's roof and filming herself upside-down, the dark streets below outlined in streetlights and marked by the occasional pedestrian. ]

How do you do, fellow kids. [ She dangles one arm alongside her head, hanging on to her device one-handed. ] I'm super fucking bored which I didn't think would actually be physically possible on a moon in another universe, but anyway.

Who wants to go on a firefly hunt? Catch a bunch of the fuckers, turn them loose in a department store. Or an office building. Or a coffee shop. Anywhere we can get in easy and run away fast. [ She rolls over so she's filming herself against the backdrop of the night sky now, instead of the street. ]

Whoever catches the most wins something, whoever gets bit loses automatically and has to go jump in the river.

Comments

[citharede]

First dibs on bug catching equipment goes to whoever you are!

Who are you. I'm Athena.

[honeybadgerer]

I'm Gabby! I'm new here.

[citharede]

Yeah? I've been here like a month. Long enough to get settled. [ This person is A Smol and even if Athena is ridiculous she also doesn't like the idea of kids being here on their own. ] Do you have like, people here? Taking care of you?

[honeybadgerer]

I have my case worker and a superhero.

[ since squirrel girl offered and all. ]

And my big sister. But she's more like . . . an alternate tinier version of my big sister.

[citharede]

Man, there's so many fuhhhh-ricking [ saved it ] superheroes around here, it's crazy.

[ She scrubs a hand through her hair. ]

Superheroes and weird time stuff.

Hey, you want to meet my friends? Some of my friends, anyway, Cam and Jeff, they're kind of the people taking care of me here even though I don't really need people to do that. Jeff's a puppy and Cam's kind of intimidating sometimes but they're both good dudes.

[ A PAUSE. ]

You can totally say no, I guess it's kind of weird for a complete stranger to be like 'hey! Let me help arrange your new life on an alien moon!'

[honeybadgerer]

[ oh. ]

No, it's not weird! It's actually super nice. Would your friends be okay with that?

[citharede]

Pfff yeah. I've volunteered Jeff for way more traumatizing shhhhhcrap than this.

I just know how like. Lucky I am to have people from home here, even if I wouldn't wish being here on anybody. And even if one of the people from home yells my middle name on the network for all the world to hear.

So are you from a world with superheroes?

[honeybadgerer]

[ this lack of swearing is hilarious. gabby wonders if she should tell athena not to bother, she's heard worse but decides not to for now. ]

Yeah. My sister's a clone of one and I'm her clone. So we both fall under the superhero umbrella.

[citharede]

Wait. [ Cue a series of hand-gestures that loosely mirror a "one plus one is two" kind of pattern. ] ...Okay. I think I've got that.

[ SHAKING HER HEAD. ]

Man, and people act like magic is weird.

[honeybadgerer]

Magic can be a little weird. I met a guy with a winking cupboard. He kept horrors in his closet.

[citharede]

....My magic is definitely not that weird. Did the cupboard have eyes? What kind of horrors?

[honeybadgerer]

I dunno what kind, but they had tentacles on their chin.

[citharede]

YOU MET A GUY WITH CTHULU IN HIS CLOSET?

[honeybadgerer]

Is that what it's called?

[citharede]

Oh my god, how are you so chill about this.

Also how can you not know what Cthulhu is?? Am I old now? Is this an old person thing?

[honeybadgerer]

Look, I was raised in a military complex. Place. My knowledge is 50% internet and 50% murder weapons.

[citharede]

[ Dottity dot dot. ]

Ooookay fair enough. Cthulhu is....

[ All right now that she's thinking about it she doesn't have much knowledge about the Beast Himself either. Osmosis is a beautiful thing?? ]

It's like this giant-ass world ending monster with chin tentacles that a guy named H.P. Lovecraft made up.

[honeybadgerer]

Oh.

At least he didn't seem like a very big world-ending monster?

[citharede]

Cutethulhu.

[ I'm sorry Gabby. ]

[honeybadgerer]

[ wow. ]

He was not cute.

[citharede]

Did he try to eat you or something?

[honeybadgerer]

He might have? It happened really fast.

[citharede]

Details, girl, I need details!

[honeybadgerer]

What details? He didn't get the chance. Laura beheaded him and he crashed on top of me.

[citharede]

[ DOTTITY DOT DOT. ]

...That's hardcore.