riverview | @b.crusher

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@b.crusher | video

[Nine years. Nine years since she stepped back through the portal, nine years since she returned to the Enterprise, nine years that inevitably faded some of the memories of this place - but not everything. The faces she knows. Even if she forgets now where that cute little corner market was or what the hell half these gifs and memes mean anymore (if she ever understood in the first place) Beverly never forgets a coworker, a patient, a friend. And she left them all in such a hurry. The portal's connection to her time and place had been tenuous, she had to go then, or risk losing her chance to go home all together.

And now... now she's back, exhausted by the weight of war and the toll of death, new lines etched into her face. When the portal specialist told her it had only been a week since she'd left, she had to laugh. Of course. It seems this place isn't ready to let go of her.

Though not typically a frequenter of the network, it is the easiest and quickest way for her to contact multiple people at once. She doesn't want anyone (else - apologies to Lucretia) to be caught unawares by her sudden reappearance, so she leaves a quick video message:]

Good Morning. This is Dr. Beverly Crusher [of the USS Enterprise no more] reporting that I have returned to Riverview.

[For god's sake, woman, this isn't a mission log. She offers a smile - it's a little sad, but a smile nonetheless.]

I wanted to apologize to those I left without proper goodbyes. I hope you got my messages, at least. I'll be at my apartment for the rest of the day if anyone wants to stop by. Thank you.

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(Her chest tightens. Really. It hurts because she knows it's true, knows she could have done better.)

I - I already had it written. (Make that clear at least - she didn't sit down to write a whole bunch of letters right before leaving, rather than using that time to be with Lucretia.) In Starfleet... because our jobs are so dangerous and we never know when we might... when we might be gone.

(She remembers that horrible, sinking feeling she felt when she got Jack's message. Like the void of space had swallowed up. And she did that to Lucretia, when there could have been another way. She was just too caught off guard, too desperate with the hope of seeing Wesley again.)

It wasn't enough, I know it wasn't enough.

Edited (punctuation! ) 2018-08-09 11:52 (UTC)

(She already had it written. She'd sat down some time ago, and penned a letter of goodbye to send to Lucretia should she ever find herself in a situation with no time on her hands at all. Just in case. It's clever, sensible, so very Beverly that it makes Lucretia's love for her flare up in her heart like a flame. She wrests her hands back, but only so she can cup Beverly's face in both again and kiss her, once, twice, before she can help herself. Even if Beverly doesn't... even if things are different, now, surely Beverly will grant her a bit of closeness after everything.)

Okay, (she murmurs, pressing their foreheads gently together. Beverly's cheeks are wet with tears underneath of her thumbs. Yes, it had hurt, but that will ease with time– and how could she blame her for her sudden departure? She'd been granted a sudden opportunity to go back home to her child, of course it threw her off.

She's slightly ashamed now, for feeling so bitter and hollow over it. She closes her eyes.)

I love you too much for you to leave without saying goodbye. (If she can impart anything onto Beverly in this moment, let it be this.) You can't– even if it's only for a minute, even if it's only for half of that, I... (a soft sniff. Her voice is very quiet now.) Next time, promise you'll call for me. Please.

(The kisses do admittedly take her by surprise for a moment. She never expected to feel Lucretia's lips on hers ever again: she'd made her choice, she'd given her up. Yet here they are again, being given a second chance. Warmth floods through her veins, a reminder of what everything they once had.

But of course, it hasn't been so long for Lucretia. She hasn't had time for resignation to set in. To her, the hurt is all fresh and new and burning.)

My poor darling.

(Beverly kisses her forehead and lets her hands come to rest on her waist.)

I don't think there's going to be a next time.

(Staying like this would be nice. If they could stay together in the kitchen, forehead to forehead, eyes closed... that would be good. Beverly's hands are warm on her waist, the kiss to her brow soft, sweet. Lucretia holds her as close as she dares.)

... What do you mean?

(Does Beverly intends on staying here? That doesn't make any sense. What about Wesley? What about Deanna, and Jean-Luc and the Enterprise– the rest of her crew? Did something happen to them back at home? She leans back, and drops her hands to rest lightly on Beverly's shoulder, watching her with concern.)

What I mean is...

(Oh, there's that penetrating look of Lucretia's, those eyes that know her so well, even nine years later. Beverly takes a deep breath and wipes at her face before continuing.)

I thought had lost you forever, had no chance of ever seeing you again, and I would continue to live with that. Even knowing eventually one or the other of us would leave and that we had agreed to it didn't make it any easier. But I never stopped loving you, not really. And now... second chances are very rare things and I want to make the most of this one.

Beverly...

(She squeezes her shoulders reassuringly, her brow furrowed. It's hard, knowing she had felt like this for so long. Lucretia almost wishes she had been forgotten, as it probably would have made things a lot easier for Beverly.)

It's only been a week for me, (she reminds her, expression softening as she seeks to comfort her.) I still love you, as I always have. I don't... want to push anything, not if things have changed for you, or if it's been too long, but you haven't lost me. Not at all.

Everything's changed.

(Everything but Lucretia. She smiles sadly. There's so much to tell her still.)

Including me. And this me wants to build a future with you, wherever that might be.

A future?

(Her smile fades for a moment, uncertainty creeping back in. So Beverly does want to stay here, for whatever reason. Surely she knows that Lucretia can't? That she needs to go home the moment the portal opens to her, just as Beverly did?)

I– Beverly, I can't stay here. Remember? (It has been nine years! She had always kept this perfectly clear, though. She swallows, smooths her thumb across Beverly's shoulder. Clearly she hasn't quite grasped the meaning of the word 'wherever'.) I don't... want to leave you, but I'm needed, back home. I have to go back and put things right.

(Beverly shakes her head. She supposes it's only to be expected after all this time that communication lines might get crossed.)

I would never ask you to stay. That's not what I meant. What I meant was... maybe I could go with you.

Go... home? With me?

(error 404!!!)

To Faerûn?

Yes.

(Now she's getting there!)

I know it may seem... impulsive, but we don't have to decide right now, I just...

(She sighs, feeling at a loss for words again.)

(Lucretia can only stare for a moment, overwhelmed by the future this presents. Beverly could come back through the portal with her, to Abeir-Toril, and she wouldn't have to be alone. She wouldn't have to leave Beverly behind, or forget she had ever known her.

They could be together. She squeezes her eyes shut for a moment, and takes a hand back to wipe away tears of relief. This is too good to be true. Is this a trick?)

But– um, Wesley, (she says, voice thick,) your friends, your crew. Did something happen?

Wesley will find me.

(She says this with absolute certainty in her voice. Indeed, if she wasn't so certain on that front, she would never be able to make such a proposal, even given everything else that has happened. Now she smiles, warm and bright, not burdened troubles weighing on her.)

You should see him now, Lucretia. He's... he's become so much more than I ever imagined possible for him. He's still an explorer and a scientist at heart, as he always was, but he found a way to break through the boundaries of time and space. (She laughs, still in wonder at it all) I admit, I still don't completely understand it, but I do know that he's found his place in the universe, who he's supposed to be and that's all that matters.

(Beverly's sudden happiness and warm smile stem Lucretia's tears almost immediately and she smiles too, a hesitant little twitch of her lips. It's very good to hear that Wesley is thriving. She'd been immediately nervous for his well-being when Beverly had appeared so shaken, so nervous.

Not only is he okay, but he's broken through... time and space?)

So he could visit, (she breathes, slowly starting to piece it all together. Of course he'd be able to come and find the two of them. He'd know Beverly wherever she was, Lucretia is more than sure of it.) And I would be able to meet him? Provided he did?

Mmm-hmm. (Beverly nods.) I told him all about you, you know. About this place. I thought... I thought maybe he could find you for me, bring you a message at least, even if I couldn't Travel with him. But the portal found me first.

You did?

(Her smile is more genuine now, a combination of both embarrassed and pleased. She likes the idea of Beverly talking to Wesley about her. She wants to meet him very badly, even if she is nervous about making a good first impression!

She sniffs, and wipes her eyes a final time. She never did answer Beverly's original proposal, did she?)

I'd love for you to come back with me.

(Of course she talked to him about Lucretia. They have always been close, rarely keeping any secrets from one another. Plus, she has no doubt he would love Lucretia too, whenever they finally get to meet. Not would, she reminds herself. Will. It's been a while since she felt like this, like she was really able to plan for the future again, and not just work from day to day, battle to battle, hoping each day wasn't the last.

She reaches up and cups Lucretia's cheek. Oh, how she missed that smile. It's good to see it again.)

I'm not too old for you now?

(She's teasing, of course.)

(She chuckles, covering Beverly's hand with her own and squeezing gently. She feels similarly: she'd never imagined a happy future for herself. Everything back home was in turmoil, made that way by her own hand, and even though she knows she will fix it and a time will come where everybody she loves is safe and whole again, Lucretia still worries. She imagines she'll spend a long time, fixing her mistakes. It never felt like there would room in a future like that for her to be happy, let alone be with somebody, but...

Maybe it's within her reach after all. She feels light-headed with hope.)

No. You're perfect. (And she'll bring Beverly in close for another kiss, smiling against her lips.)

(This time, Beverly meets the kiss wholeheartedly, wrapping her arms tightly around Lucretia's waist as she does, never wanting to let her go again. So far, everything's going far better than expected. But... there are still some concerns. She breaks away from the kiss and her look is very serious.)

In all seriousness, there is a lot that's changed, for me, about me. If at any point... well, I'd understand if it became too much. There's so much I have to tell you yet.

(She nods, her smile fading a little to match Beverly's seriousness. But whatever Beverly has to tell her won't cause her to change her mind, she knows it. After all, she's changed innumerable ways over the course of this relationship and Beverly had accepted her for all of it, even before the exchanging of the 'I love you's, and moving in together.

She doesn't want to dismiss what Beverly has to tell her, though.)

I know. I want to hear it, all of it.

(She tilts her head towards the living room.)

Why don't we take a seat then, maybe finish that coffee?

(She glances back down at the counter top, at the empty mugs: Beverly had caught her hands before she could get anything going for either of them, after all.)

I'm fine without it, (she admits. Probably best that she doesn't partake in caffeine now that she's full of a restless, nervous energy!

She'll take it upon herself to go over and sit upon the couch instead, waving her hand toward the door to gather her fallen things together and prop them up against the wall instead of leaving them scattered across the threshold.)

(Beverly lingers in the archway between the kitchen and the living room, watching Lucretia, soaking in the sights and sounds of her: the precise, confident way she flicks her wrist to perform her small miracle of magic, the crinkle of lines around her eyes (an echo of Beverly's own, now), and the deep, comforting calm of her voice. These are all the little things she'd forgotten, the memories blurred by time. She doesn't want to forget again.

Finally, she comes over to sit, curling one leg underneath herself.)

It's hard to know where to start.

(With the war? With the Borg? With Ronin, with Data? There's just so much that has happened.)

(She glances back toward the kitchen when Beverly doesn't immediately follow her over and catches her looking. For a moment, she holds her gaze. There's a lot behind Beverly's weighty stare that she doesn't know any more and it's strange to realise that a part of her has become unfamiliar. It makes sense, she has a lot to tell Lucretia. But Lucretia still feels a little twinge of unease when she comes to sit.

Unsure whether or not to touch her, she simply lets her hand rest between them on the couch. Let Beverly take it, if she likes.)

How about from where you left off? When you came here for the first time, I mean.

Right. On Kesprytt.

(Makes sense, to begin with that. She'd been so worried about what would happen when she returned to that place, the last time she was here.)

When I went back, no time had passed for Jean-Luc or anyone else in my world. But he knew something was different right away, because of the psi-wave devices. Perhaps it seems absurd, but I asked the portal techs to refit me with mine. I was so sick when I came through the portal the first time because of being separated from his device, I didn't want the same to happen to him when I returned. So he knows, about Riverview. And we got out safe.

(She sighs.)

Turns out the two factions on the planet were convinced that each was trying to use the Federation to destroy the other and that Jean-Luc and I were secretly agents of one or the other faction. Needless to say, they were not admitted into the Federation.

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