video; username: spiderman

[madeupnames]

[Ah, look there! It's Spider-Man! He's filming... sideways? Oh, wait, he's standing on a brick wall sideways. That explains it.

His eyes are squinty and peeved, and his arms are crossed — who needs to hold the phone for recording when you've got webs to do that?

Anyway. He's peeved.]

Uuum, just FYI? Graffiti is 100% not cool. I mean, some of it is cool if you get a permit or you're actually any good at drawing —

Point is, don't gross up someone's wall with your bad artwork or some signature a bank teller wouldn't even take.

Also, how dare you use my creepy disfigured twin against me.

[What? Oh, look, he's turning the camera to show — oh dear god.]



[OH DEAR GOOOOOOD]

... I gotta say, The Arachnid really let himself go. And lost his neck in a tragic head-on collision with a building. Yikes.

And the Hulk should probably hit a dentist ASAP, but I'm loving what he's doing with the half-cut shirt.

Really brings out his... green... everything. 

[He rubs his chin.]

... You know, I'm just assuming that's the Hulk, but for all I know the guy who did it didn't have skin tones. Maybe he's just angry and sick.

Comments

[madeupnames]

... The Shield sounds more like a Captain America thing, honestly...

[yakyuuman]

... That name inspires so much justice! But isn't he one of you guys?

[ What the heck is a Marvel universe?? ]

[madeupnames]

Oh, yeah! Of course he is! One of the most famous and important heroes in history, even!

[Hi I'm a fanboy.]

He uses a really cool shield to fight, you know?

[yakyuuman]

Fighting with a shield...? Does he bump the bad guys in the face with it?

[ Hi I don't understand- ]

[madeupnames]

Oh, it's insane! He uses it to block explosions and bounces it off walls and does some crazy moves with it in mid-air or to whack someone on the head. It seriously goes against all the laws of physics.

... I totally held it once.

[yakyuuman]

... Wow, damn, I take everything back, shields can be awesome!

[ FLAILS WITH HIS SLEEVES. ] I wanna hold it too! Can you make a good word for me? Is he even in Riverview???

[madeupnames]

Exactly! Shields can be so cool.

Plus, they're made to protect people. There's something really noble about them.

[Peter doesn't have a shield to protect people.

... But that's what his body's for, in emergency cases, right???]

Last I checked, there are two Captain Americas from different universes; you'll probably run into one sometime! Tell 'em Spider-Man recommended them for shield-flinging demonstrations.

[yakyuuman]

[ Little does he know that he met two different Steve Rogers, or that they share the same name and he didn't connect the dots together because he's a fucking scatterbrain who doesn't pay attention when he has to.

Nevertheless, he goes "ooooooo" at the discovery. ]

Damn! Amazing! You've got two of them and now I wanna hold both shields! [ NODS EAGERLY. ] I will tell them I got Suppaidaman's seal of approval!

[madeupnames]

[He feels a little proud, at the thought of anyone needing Spider-Man's seal of approval.]

You got it, man. Stamped by yours truly!

[It still feels kind of funny, though. Playing himself up as anything other than dorky and uncool. He'll have to just get used to being dorky and uncool but a superhero.]

... Just don't throw the shield into space, or they might not like you anymore.

[yakyuuman]

[ His face suddenly turns into the perfect mask of dismay, like he's been caught throwing that shield into space right then and there. ]

Eh?! They'll hate me?? Won't the shield come back like a boomerang or something??

[madeupnames]

I dunno... I mean, he knows how to make it come back... But I don't think it works like a boomerang.

... It's just a circle, not a bent shape, so...

[yakyuuman]

If he can make it come back, then it's no issue, right? I just wanna hold onto it, anyway! If it ends up in space it's only because I got too worked up!

[ Which is something that happens often, so... ]

[madeupnames]

... Just maybe ask first.

And don't throw it somewhere nobody can get it back.

I don't think you wanna feel guilty over losing something a superhero uses to protect people.

[yakyuuman]

I'll try to ask before I get worked up! Don't wanna feel guilty over getting in the way of justice!

[madeupnames]

Exactly! Don't impede on justice, and you're golden.

[He gives a Spider-Wink.]

[yakyuuman]

[ He readily salutes to the camera! ]

Hai! Understood! I'm on the side of justice always! There are cooler people in there!