riverview | Seventh (lack of) sleep note. A picture and later a post.

[The post that appears first is a picture of poor Cameron Waltz from the Arts party. Where he's crying after his fantastic boyfriend Jeff has just serenaded him in public. Anyone who knows Alex knows that she's not the person who would put it up, and as soon as someone mentions it to her, it comes down and is instead replaced with an audio post.]

Yeah, sorry about that. [She assumes people 1. know that she wasn't the one who did it and 2. that the person who did it is gonna hear holy hell for it. Hear holy hell and also do penance which is what the rest of this post is about.]

While I've been living in America since college, I'm definitely a Canadian at heart. And in Canada, we have a proper Thanksgiving Holiday while America is celebrating Columbus day. [Yeah, the distaste in her voice for that "holiday" is totally palpable.] And before anyone makes a crack about copying America, our Thanksgiving started in 1578 and was made an official government holiday in 1879. For Americans playing along at home, that's 50 years before Plymouth Rock, and something like 90 before it became a federal holiday in America.

So, I'm inviting people to stop by tomorrow for turkey and stuffing and all the stuff that goes along with a proper Canadian Thanksgiving. We're not going to do a sit down dinner, not really, given that it's a Monday, but we're gonna have food and proper pumpkin pie which is not custardy and Nanaimo bars which are. I'm making them. I'm making them right now actually but don't worry, I've been making them since I was like ten. It's the only thing I can make other than coffee.

[Literally the only thing, because Alex burns toast.]

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I know. And I am furious with him. Honestly. I'm livid and I cannot believe he did this to Cam and to Jeff and to me.

[Because honestly what the fuck was he playing at using her shit.]

Yes. It all seems rather petty, really, and distinctly mean-spirited. I never got the impression he particularly liked Jeff, but this is a whole nother level altogether.

[A beat.]

To say nothing for the disrespect he's shown you.

He actually really likes Jeff. Jeff is the one person in Riverview who knows everything, and that Richard is the one who told him it.

Which I think is the problem honestly. They're friends and now Richard's being a fucking idiot.

Yes, that does sound like quite the problem.

For Richard. From my perspective, Jeff and Cameron are better off.

[Alex is just going to sigh softly.]

You know I'm not going to agree, of course. But I do think he needs to apologize, and try and make amends for this.

But I know him, and I know he won't. He's allergic to actually saying that he's sorry and meaning it.

He ridiculed another man publicly who had the audacity to feel something, and he attempted to blackmail you with the act. What, pray tell, do you feel will amend this transgression?

That's rather fortunate, considering "I'm sorry" and and a kiss on the head won't make this better.

That’s not why he did it you know, Dorian. It didn’t have anything to do with his feelings. It had to do with him trying to make people hate him. Richard doesn’t have anything against men feeling.

And that’s on him to fix. I’m not trying to fix it. I’m just explaining why I think he’s being such an asshole.

I don't really care why he did it.

[He doesn't say anything for a moment, possibly long enough to cause Alex to question whether or not he's disconnected.]

Alex. Do you understand why this particular act is unforgivable?

Dorian, I know how this looks, I do. But he didn't intend it to be homophobic or to show that men who experience emotions are something to be ashamed of. He's a lot of things, I will admit he's a lot of things, but he's not that.

Do you enjoy your position as the one required to apologize for him, even after he hurled you into the midst of this mess unwillingly?

Of course not. I'm pissed as hell at this. But I know why he did it, and I'd try to help any of the people I love when they're attempting to shoot themselves in the foot or throw themselves into the deep end. I would have thought you would have known that about me.

And sometimes things are done that can never be taken back, regardless of motive.

Seventh (lack of) sleep note. A picture and later a post.

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