riverview | Entries tagged with the terror: harry goodsir

[The post that appears first is a picture of poor Cameron Waltz from the Arts party. Where he's crying after his fantastic boyfriend Jeff has just serenaded him in public. Anyone who knows Alex knows that she's not the person who would put it up, and as soon as someone mentions it to her, it comes down and is instead replaced with an audio post.]

Yeah, sorry about that. [She assumes people 1. know that she wasn't the one who did it and 2. that the person who did it is gonna hear holy hell for it. Hear holy hell and also do penance which is what the rest of this post is about.]

While I've been living in America since college, I'm definitely a Canadian at heart. And in Canada, we have a proper Thanksgiving Holiday while America is celebrating Columbus day. [Yeah, the distaste in her voice for that "holiday" is totally palpable.] And before anyone makes a crack about copying America, our Thanksgiving started in 1578 and was made an official government holiday in 1879. For Americans playing along at home, that's 50 years before Plymouth Rock, and something like 90 before it became a federal holiday in America.

So, I'm inviting people to stop by tomorrow for turkey and stuffing and all the stuff that goes along with a proper Canadian Thanksgiving. We're not going to do a sit down dinner, not really, given that it's a Monday, but we're gonna have food and proper pumpkin pie which is not custardy and Nanaimo bars which are. I'm making them. I'm making them right now actually but don't worry, I've been making them since I was like ten. It's the only thing I can make other than coffee.

[Literally the only thing, because Alex burns toast.]

bardish

[ Here's Jeff Calhoun, wizard dad/teacher of youths, broadcasting live from his classroom at Gramarye. It looks a bit... chaotic right now, as there are winged origami hearts flapping around, and some kids equipped with butterfly nets and... y'know, magic, trying to round them up.

Amidst the chaos, the hearts are chirping out what sounds suspiciously like people's names, which the kids are reacting to with various degrees of shouted denials and peals of laughter.

Meanwhile, Jeff looks about as harried as if he's reporting from a warzone. But he puts on a nervous smile and waves at the camera. ]

Hey-- hi! Uh, so... one of my students got a little too into the spirit of Dragosta and brought these [ GESTURING TO THE BAT-WINGED MENACES. ] lovely cards in to share with his classmates and--

[ NO, he can't keep the charade up! ]

Okay, look, he pranked the class. And it's gone totally out of control! A batch of these little fuckers-- [ Cough. A student mock-gasps, 'Language, Mr. Calhoun!' Cue: adolescent giggling. ] --little... scamps... flew out the window, so if you see any? Don't be alarmed, and for the love of god, don't throw rocks or anything at them! If you miss, that projectile of yours will come crashing down on some innocent bystander, and I can't have that blood on my hands, because it's totally my fault for leaving the window open in the first place and failing to rule my classroom with an iron fist and--

[ BREATHE, JEFF. It's just, look, he's pretty sure this is some kind of karmic retribution for all the teachers he terrorized as a teenager, himself. ]

Uh, so just. Ignore them! They're harmless, really. All they do is follow you around shouting the name of whoever you might have a crush on.

[ Hence the kids' reactions to the various names the cards are shouting. Their secret crushes, revealed! It's totally embarrassing! ]

The enchantment should wear off in a couple of days!

[ Meanwhile, one of the origami hearts from hell lands on his desk and starts to chirp a name... but all it manages to get out is a 'CAM--' before Jeff's swatting it with a notebook. SHUSH, HEART.

...

Gosh, he actually feels kind of bad for smashing it with a notebook. Poor enchanted bat-heart... Jeff seems to remember he's still recording, so he flashes another nervous 'EVERYTHING'S FINE' smile at the camera. ]

Okay, that's all, I gotta get back to cleanup-- Bye!

[ But hey, FEEL FREE TO SAY YOUR CHARACTER'S BEING TERRORIZED BY ONE OF THESE HEARTS AS WE SPEAK. ]

bardish

WARNING DO NOT BUY USED FURNITURE OFF THE NETWORK!! Some of the sellers here are VERY unscrupulous! I am now the proud owner of:

- 1 cursed endtable (IT KEEPS INSULTING MY MOTHER WHEN I'M TRYING TO SLEEP??)

- 1 set of drawers that was housing a colony of space termites

- 1 mattress that is stained with either blood or cranberry juice or chocolate i'm not sure which. maybe all 3? now i have to sleep on a futon like i'm 19 yrs old again and it's KILLING my back

Anyway is anyone in the market for some gently used furniture?

[ jk jk he's not a big enough to dick to unload this NIGHTMARE FURNITURE onto anybody else. ]

bestsir

[ The morgue and the coroner's office are in the basement of the Riverview Hospital, which would be depressing were it not for the fact that the coroner's office is placed so that it has a window. The basement also features a large storage room that has become a dumping ground for miscellaneous furniture and supplies. At times where Harry's been at loose ends and in need of something to do, he has reorganized that storage room ... and now he's found a new use for it.

The incursion of small pesky critters has a lot to do with it, as does the fact that his office is starting to overflow with items that he's collected around the quarantine in his time there. Soon the storage room starts slowly transforming into a distinctly 19th-century-flavoured laboratory, with tanks and cages for living creatures and jars for preserved specimens—not just of the pests, but also other interesting plants and insects. There's also an eyeball from one of the large predatory pterodactyl creatures, and feathers from the same are kept on his worktable.

It doesn't occur to him that it might be nice to mention this side project to the hospital administrators, but he doesn't exactly get a lot of visitors, so it's going to be a little while before anyone notices.

...well, once these messages go out, someone probably will. ]

To Captain Anali Apple and the Perimeter Guard
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Network text post | [Bad username or site: hds @ goodsir]
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[ Feel free to pop into his office with something awful in a cage or a jar. He'll (probably) be delighted. Post title is from the writings of the historical Harry D. S. Goodsir. ]

[ * These parts added after Nat sets him straight. ]

riverview network

Entries tagged with the terror: harry goodsir

Seventh (lack of) sleep note. A picture and later a post.

CAUTION: BEWARE OF STUDENTS (video; un: j.calhoun)

DO NOT BUY FURNITURE FROM QUARANTINE CRAIGSLIST!!!! (un: j.calhoun)

01. The microscopic section of this gland or organ is extremely beautiful.

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