CAUTION: BEWARE OF STUDENTS (video; un: j.calhoun)

[bardish]

[ Here's Jeff Calhoun, wizard dad/teacher of youths, broadcasting live from his classroom at Gramarye. It looks a bit... chaotic right now, as there are winged origami hearts flapping around, and some kids equipped with butterfly nets and... y'know, magic, trying to round them up.

Amidst the chaos, the hearts are chirping out what sounds suspiciously like people's names, which the kids are reacting to with various degrees of shouted denials and peals of laughter.

Meanwhile, Jeff looks about as harried as if he's reporting from a warzone. But he puts on a nervous smile and waves at the camera. ]

Hey-- hi! Uh, so... one of my students got a little too into the spirit of Dragosta and brought these [ GESTURING TO THE BAT-WINGED MENACES. ] lovely cards in to share with his classmates and--

[ NO, he can't keep the charade up! ]

Okay, look, he pranked the class. And it's gone totally out of control! A batch of these little fuckers-- [ Cough. A student mock-gasps, 'Language, Mr. Calhoun!' Cue: adolescent giggling. ] --little... scamps... flew out the window, so if you see any? Don't be alarmed, and for the love of god, don't throw rocks or anything at them! If you miss, that projectile of yours will come crashing down on some innocent bystander, and I can't have that blood on my hands, because it's totally my fault for leaving the window open in the first place and failing to rule my classroom with an iron fist and--

[ BREATHE, JEFF. It's just, look, he's pretty sure this is some kind of karmic retribution for all the teachers he terrorized as a teenager, himself. ]

Uh, so just. Ignore them! They're harmless, really. All they do is follow you around shouting the name of whoever you might have a crush on.

[ Hence the kids' reactions to the various names the cards are shouting. Their secret crushes, revealed! It's totally embarrassing! ]

The enchantment should wear off in a couple of days!

[ Meanwhile, one of the origami hearts from hell lands on his desk and starts to chirp a name... but all it manages to get out is a 'CAM--' before Jeff's swatting it with a notebook. SHUSH, HEART.

...

Gosh, he actually feels kind of bad for smashing it with a notebook. Poor enchanted bat-heart... Jeff seems to remember he's still recording, so he flashes another nervous 'EVERYTHING'S FINE' smile at the camera. ]

Okay, that's all, I gotta get back to cleanup-- Bye!

[ But hey, FEEL FREE TO SAY YOUR CHARACTER'S BEING TERRORIZED BY ONE OF THESE HEARTS AS WE SPEAK. ]

Comments

video; @citharede

[citharede]

[ Okay she WAS lying upside-down on her bed, but now she's sitting up, a slow grin spreading across her face. ]

Did that little dude say what I think it just said?

[bardish]

No!

[ Pause. ]

Wait. You knew that already!

[ It's not like he was very good at hiding it! ]

video; @wingingit

[volitaunt]

[ Okay Poe is in his apartment, and there are not one but TWO little flapping hearts winging their way around his room, while BB-8 rolls around beneath them trying to tase them into submission. It's not working very well.

He goes quickly into his room and shuts the door as one of the hearts start to yell in its little piping voice, JOH--

SLAM GOES THE DOOR. ]

Find that student and staple these things to their forehead.

[bardish]

[ You know, Jeff hates that even though he has to disapprove of this prank on so many levels, hearing 'JOH--' does fill him with curiosity.

WHO'S JOH?? ]

I was thinking something a little less cruel and unusual... Like a very long essay.

Voice

[threatenwithcuteness]

So magic is still really stupid and nothing but trouble.

*Look she has gotten mad at enough stupid magic things for one lifetime here.*

[bardish]

I feel like I should take offense to that...

[ Except, you know, magic has blown up in his face MULTIPLE TIMES now. ]

But it can definitely be trouble sometimes, yeah.

[ikenai]

[Mikumo watches the broadcast and can't help but laugh lowly.]

My, so you are a teacher. How thrilling. And such a positive influence as well.

[She's no prude, but she does have a pure persona of mysteriousness to maintain.]

That appears to be a very dangerous situation. So many secrets spilling forth.

[bardish]

I'm a history teacher-- I mean, I was a history teacher, but that's not a very useful subject here, so... [ UH. Where was he going with that? Jeff shrugs, as if that's where he was leading to the whole time: THE SHRUG. ]

It's especially perilous to teenagers. That kid's got the tactical precision of Hans Gruber!

[ Yes, he just referred to his own student as Hans Gruber. ]

video; un: d.pavus

[tevinteraltus]

[Yes, that is Dorian looking quietly amused.]

You really should keep a tighter rein on your students, Jeff.

[bardish]

[ SIGHHHH ]

There's a fine line between encouraging creative self-expression and a swarm of enchanted telltale hearts, and I waltzed right over it.

Private audio pnwsalex

[11calls]

Well, that's out of the bag, huh? You okay over there, Jeff? Do we need to be worried about PETA for paper crush Howlers?

PRIVATE FOREVER

[bardish]

Luckily, it's been out of the bag to the man in question for a week now. So I'm fine! I mean, it was chaos over here, because the kids were freaking out-- more over their crushes getting out than anything else. But we've got a handle on the renegade valentines here, at least...

How are you??

video. un: p.parker

[madeupnames]

Mr. Calhoun!

[There's definitely a high, embarrassed voice on this end, sounding totally mortified. Probably because a card is flapping all around him on the street, squawking "LIZ! LIZ! LIZ!" at him while everyone else stares. He's turning. So red. How could you do this to him.]

video; @citharede

[citharede]

[ YOU UNLUCKY BOY. Athena is cackling. ]

Okay, gotta know, I've got to know. Liz who? Liz why?

[bardish]

[ OH GOD PETER HE'S SO SORRY--

Also he's kind of relieved it's not chirping 'ATHENA!' at Peter, because that would've been so awkward for so, so many reasons. ]

Oh man, kid-- [ He's wincing sympathetically. ] Just act cool! Lean into it!

[ What're you gonna suggest next, Jeff? 'IGNORE IT AND IT'LL GO AWAY?' ]

Video; un: ilikehorses

[shoplifter]

Is it possible to make letters that yell mean things at people you don't like?

I would like to learn.

[bardish]

Oh yeah, it's totally possible. [ WAIT. ] But I can't teach you that!

[ Partially because he's not a magic teacher to anyone but Athena, but mostly because, uh, it would be irresponsible, he guesses.

THAT BEING SAID... ]

But out of curiosity, what would you want it to say?

Voice: TheStrandInstitute

[nobasisinfact]

[Someone is amusing themselves at your expense Jeff. That person is Richard Strand, asshole extraordinaire, and he SOUNDS like he's enjoying it.

Probably because if those things go after him there's no question who they'd say and he's pretty sure Alex already knows all about that.]

I would assume this, Cam would be the beginning of the name for the man you had your 'not date' with?

[Let your students have fun with that nugget of knowledge.]

PRIVATE!!

[bardish]

[ Oh god NO, the students have dirt now! Gossip about the love life they just happily assumed Mr. Calhoun didn't have, because he's a teacher, and teachers don't date.

The one student stalking the network post is already relaying this info to the others. It's a nice distraction from the cards shouting out the names of their crushes.

He's gonna have to turn this private, stat. ]

That's ice cold, Richard! [ HUFF. Muttering: ] But yeah, same Cam.

video

[bestsir]

[ Here's Harry in his office at the Riverview hospital. Observant folk may notice that it seems somewhat less cluttered, and the cage with his lizard Phoebe is no longer visible where it used to be.

He's holding a beaker with a book over top of it; inside is one of the little hearts flapping wildly away. The sound it's making is muffled, but it's definitely a two-syllable word that starts with sil.

Harry seems. Tense. Upset, shaken maybe, but working really hard to not show it. ]

How many days?

[bardish]

[ Oh no, Harry doesn't look like he's enjoying this-- which, like, fair, Jeff's not enjoying this prank, either. That's why it's a prank! Nobody but the prankster and sadists get to enjoy it! ]

Ahhh... No more than three? I can't see this enchantment going that long.

[ An awkward pause. ]

You can probably kill it... It's just paper, so it's not like actually killing something!

video @molly

[devilstongue]

Now that is a beautiful prank! Quite a talented kid.

[ He's poking a flutter-heart with a claw, as it keeps calling out random names with no real order to them. Molly just likes people and has new little crushes all the time.

It's not as embarrassing as it is amusing to him. ]

[bardish]

[ Jeff kind of half-listens to the names, just enough to get the sense that there's a WHOLE LOT OF CRuSHES THERE. Well, at least somebody is amused for reasons other than total schadenfreude. (Richard.) ]

He is! I'm actually kind of proud of him-- I mean, for his inventiveness and initiative, not so much the part where he totally embarrassed his classmates...

video; un: hawke

[indigobird]

[Words will come in a moment, after Hawke has a bout of raucous laughter at the spectacle.]

Oh isn't this just delightful? Teenagers come up with the stupidest, best pranks.

[bardish]

[ NOW THAT THE WORST OF THE HEART-SHAPED CRISIS IS OVER... Jeff's enjoying the more mirthful reactions. Way better than people being upset or embarrassed! ]

They really do! Gotta love 'em-- I mean, when they're not making my hair go even grayer.